today

There is nothing much to tell in here. I just wanted to have this thing updated before I go to bed.

S text me saying she is coming over to send me some pulut durian, some Kelantanese cuisine. I don't really like pulut things, but I was hungry and it was not that bad, so I ate it. She cooks now. Cool. I wonder why she never did when she lived here.

Then I cooked lunch, had lunch.

Then I moved the furniture around a bit and vacuum-cleaned my bedroom and the living room. Then I mopped up everything. Last night, before bed, I folded everything up except my work clothes cuz they are gonna be ironed. I thought I'd do it today, but then, I didn't.

Then I spent the long and lonely Saturdaybeing lazy in between washing laundry and waiting for it to finish and hanging them outside and waiting for them to dry so I can fold them straight away.

I like cleanliness. I like tidiness. I like order. But really, I am lazy. Very lazy. I sort of let things slide until I can't stand it anymore, then I would do a spring cleaning. While keeping things clean and tidy every day is the right thing to do, like I said earlier, I am LAZY. So better I do it once in a while rather than don't do it at all. That's what I think.

I thought I'd go to Jerudong Park last Thursday, but everyone pulled out so I had to cancel that plan. No use going to cool theme park alone, especially when you don't know the way. And I was not in the mood for an adventure.

Then there was that phone call telling me that I have to go to Kuching this Sunday. I went to school and spent the whole morning trying to get to the person who called me that day, because the damned PAR was inept at taking messages. He didn't even take my reference number for my flight! Urgh! And the problem is there is no letter that says I was the one expected to attend the course. Why this is highly unlikely? Because ever since I took up this job at my school, I never ever had the chance to attend anything and leave the school for a course or anything. The fax machine was broken, so they can't fax the letter. They didn't issue the call letter, so that was impossible.

I spent the whole morning trying to get to that guy to find out more about it but he turned off his phone, the people at his work place told me he was facilitating another thing at the PKG. So I called the MAS office and inquired about my ticket. Imagine my horror (because I told N I was coming already) when they told me that there is no ticket booked for me on sunday at 2.20pm.

Lagilah aku gelabah and panic nak cakap dengan orang tu kat SPA. Geram! Tak dapat dapat sampai kul 2.15 masa office belah petang. Tapi syukur lah dapat jua akhirnya.

I asked him about the whole thing and since we knew each other, he assured me that it was in fact my name stated in the call letter and proceeded to give me my reference number. So now I can get myself the FAX ticket to fly to Miri to get to that flight and that the flight was not on Sunday in fact. In was on Monday. Nak aje aku maki PAR tu. Kenapa aku marah sangat dengan dia over this? Sebab aku biased. Because he stole my new cellphone. I didn't see it myself, but I knew it was him and everyone else was sure it was him. And he's stolen many times before. School property. And since no one saw him doing it, we couldn't press charges of course. Semoga Tuhan sahaja yang membalas jasa baik dia suatu hari nanti.

Everything about the course dah clear, I drove back as quickly as I could because earlier that morning, kak Z called telling she was in town. Kak Z in S's older sister and they seem like langit dan bumi. Tataw la if I am wrong again. She had been so nice to me when I am in KK. I thought I'd return the favor. That was the firs time she ever came to my town. But then I had to settle the car payment and insurance thing before the day was over, sebab dah Jumaat and then that i won't be around next week to handle those things. Then I went to KFC and bought some chicken. Sebab I don't think they would come over to my place to wait for me to prepare a late lunch. But when I got to S place, I don't see her car there anymore. I called and called. No answer. I called S, also no answer. Then I called Ani. She told me kak Z had already left. It was not even 4.30. Apa yang dia takut sangat? The border is just an hour from here. Not like us, it would be 2 hours to get to the border if we lengah-lengah nak balik bila pergi rumah dia. And I wanted to give her the telekung I bought at Serikin. That would have been a nice gift. I do think.

Last-last, I went home, simpan the chicken in the fridge. I have been having chicken the whole day. Takpe... All protein and some fat.

I got my FAX ticket online last night. 11.55am on Monday. I can't wait to see him again!!!

I am going to KK tomorrow morning. Pick up Z at the airport. That girl booked a 2.30 pm flight on Sunday. There is no way she would be able to get back to town tomorrow because there would be no bus or taxi to take her here. I am not sure if that was on purpose while she knew well that I was not planning to go back to KL and we'd be able to come back here together in my car on the way back. But she is a pretty decent house mate, and I would have an excuse to go to KK and buy myself new pairs of jeans to add to my collection.

I am all excited to be able to see him again.

Esok, nak finish mark exam papers, calculate marks, pack a little and sambung when I get back from KK nanti. I am so excited. Risaulah. I always jinx things when I am this excited. And yes, I am very superstitious. I better not get too excitedlah. Nanti I will be the one yang akan terseksa akan sebab kekecewaan.

Well, I don't look it. But my spirits are high. Maybe because I have the house to myself and I get to clean up very well and still have time to enjoy the house and all its loneliness.

And probably because I am gonna see him again sooner that we thought earlier and he's asked me to extend my stay this time. Entahlah. Not like there would be a hotel room available dengan regatta that they are going to have over Independence Day. And don't even think that I would spend the few days at his place. I know my boundaries and I don't see any excuse why I should not apply the same boundaries with him. I'd rather not stay and return as scheduled than do that. We'll see how it is. I will extend my stay if there is an affordable room left and if I can get my ticket changed. The room first and then change the ticket atau the ticket first then the room? We'll see when I get there.

I hope this is a good sign. I really do hope he is the one. But if he isn't, that's okay too, cuz I am a survivor, and I am totally aware of myself, where I have certain expectations (very normal ones, of course) and I do have certain hopes for it. I haven't enough experience, but I do understand the importance of not going ahead of myself with any relationship. Let it flow and go with it. I strongly believe that if it happens, it will happen. If it doesn't, then it is not meant to be in the first place anyway, and the best thing to do is just pick yourself up and go on. It's illogical to pine away from something that was never meant to be yours anyway.

Yeah, well. I am excited about him sebab, he seems to be the right person for me. I couldn't handle J because he wants more than I could give him. He was nice. I was just always sad that I always disappoint him and make him mad, and make myself mad. And we fight so much. Well, fighting can be a good thing. For me, that is, since I am all fire and crazy. But then I don't think my borderline hypertension can handle that the rest of my life. Kan? And I don't think J can handle that either. It was for the best. Even if I did it the wrong way.

N is calm and serenity. I don't really wish that to turn into boredom, but I'll work myself around that when and if we truly do end up being together. Dia... jenis ajak bergaduh pun buat dek je. Benci!

We'll see.

I am so excited.