keseronokan hidup dan kerja

Why do I have to suffer to be able to write more memorable things?

It is safe to say that I am not suffering at the moment. I am not over the moon over anything either. The novelty has passed and I think I am safe by being aware of the things I want in life and the relationships I choose to have.

And best of all, not caring what people think and concentrating on getting my job done has done wonders to my morale. Most of them have warmed up to me again, those who don't, I don't care about. So far, it seems like it is going to be a good school year for me.

My hair looked like it is dead now, the way it flops in a strange way all over the place when I wake up in the morning. I don't think my friends with straight hair has that kind of thing going on with their hair. And I have also discovered that I have oily hair. It was not so noticeable when it was curly. I wash it every other day anyway. Just that I just discovered I actually have oily hair! No wonder some shampoos worked for me, some don't.

But the seemingly dead and floppy hair does look better now that it is not ramrod straight anymore. It's got it's wave back and I am not too sad about it anymore. Just that, I also have fine hair. It tends to look too wispy sometimes. But that's okay, because then they don't need to 'curi' my hair anymore so that it would not be too kembang.

I love my hair. Or I am just vain. Uhuk!

Seemed like I had so much to say these few days, but I kept putting blogging off. Like it is not important for me to record anything in here anymore. Oh, by saying this, I don't mean that I have been figuring out the mysteries of the universe on my blog. It is just enough to say that my writing here has helped me figure myself out. And to me figuring myself out is important.

However, I have to admit, that lately, my blogging time has been taken up by a more intruiging writing assignment. I am glad that he is actually writing back, because I really do miss writing and receiving his opinions on most things. Not that I listen to him. But his is unbiased and level-headed. Just the way I would be when I am giving advice to my friends... according to them, occay?

I think about my dad a lot. I miss him and his ways. He may have not been the perfect dad but he was as good as any. He did the best he could. Why do I think about him so much aside from loving and missing him so much? Because I wish I could have done more for him, as repayment. Not that I can actually repay him no matter how much I do.... but at least make him have a more comfortable life. And now I only have mom to do that with and seems like I am blowing that chance off too by staying away for so long...

I am happy about most things. Yes. That's why I have not been writing in here as much. Not that I written that much to begin with.

I sat right in front of her across the table at the canteen the other day and talked to her friends like there was nothing going on. Just to irritate her. Good thing she was done with her food and just waiting for her friends to finish their drinks before leaving soon after. Being the PK does allow me that freedom; to inquire about programs in progress despite the fact that they hate me. Oh the bliss!

Dinner beckons. Tonight they are cooking. From what I smelled, it might be something with dried chilly and lots of garlic and ginger. Love those sambal Z makes. It tastes better than mine, with me being the culinary master and everything. Hew hew hew...

resolution schmolution

Why do people have new year resolutions? Is it because the new year also brings with it the feel of a fresh take on life? A new beginning? Another chance to make life and things better? What happened to the rest of the previous year? You spent it continuously screwing things up for yourself and the people around you, thinking that the year couldn't have ended any sooner than it did? wondering why is the new year taking so long for you to fix thing?

I don't have a new year resolution. It's a Roman new year anyway. And because I don't have to wait for a new year for a new slate.

disaster

Wanna know why I, a staunch believer in 'wavy is pretty' and who had held fast to my stand that I should not get a rebonding job because it will only make my hair ramrod straight and make my face look like it's been puffed up 5 times due to the effect of having the straightened hair cling lifelessly to the sides of my face?

If you wanna know, read on. If not, get out.

When I was last back home, my sister and I went to get her hair colored at Hairven in Alamanda. Me being very self-conscious have never been comfortable in these posh hair salons. The ones I dared to venture in were usually run by haughty, ugly-haired (which she thinks is the greatest look she could achieve, being a hair stylist and all) hair stylist who'd look down her nose at me and my lowly curly hair practically with this sign that goes "I definitely think that the world should be run by straight haired robots and the curly haired ones should be sent off to detention camps to be exterminated" plastered across her forehead.

But this time around I had W with me. The salon was serene, and my hairdresser, a petite, soft-spoken Indonesian lady made me feel very comfortable. While W had her hair color-treated, I had mine washed and blow dried straight.

It looked okay to my untrained eyes. But then my hairdresser ventured in asking me why didn't I get it straightened? (This having been gently suggested to me by her instead of being shoved down my throat by the above-mentioned holier-than-thou b*tch of a hairdresser) So I explained to her that I didn't get it done because I was afraid that the ramrod straight effect would only make my face look bigger than it already is. Besides, I know I like my curly hair just the way it is, and maybe have it blown straight once in a while would be enough for me. She told me, in her gentle way that with the right cut, it would not be as bad and it might even compliment the shape of my face.

I thought about it and decided, why not. Being 31 is not too late for a little change.

So I let her do some layering cut on the portion of the hair in front.

Here I was with the new cut.

For me, it was a new cut because I never go out with my hair down and the curly hair I have had never been wind-friendly, you see. Besides, even when I am so in love with my curls, I am bad at styling it because I think spending too much time on one's hair is a little too vain for a reformed tomboy like me.

But I am not gonna put the photo of the disaster I got yesterday until it puffs up a little bit.

But the problem is, with the shorter layer in front, I would have trouble tying it back when I am not in the mood to blow dry my hair. So on registration day, I just slathered on some clay/wax on the springy curls (the effect of washing the hair the previous night and sleeping with the hair still wet) I bunched everything up and twisted it into a sort of a french twist and secured it with a hair clip and worked the shortened, very curly hair at the front into a pile at the top of the crown and hope it will stay that way throughout the busy day it was going to be.

I liked the way it looked. But I think everyone at school thought I looked weird. Curly hair does not impress people here, evidently.

And then I had the bright idea to get it straightened a bit in the hopes of achieving that gentle soft waves look which ended up with me having plastic hair for the next 6 months!

Let's just hope that it does puff up a little bit after a few washes like they claim it would so I won't be so miserable lah.

My poor, poor hair.

ramrod

Registration day at my school went surprisingly like a breeze. Met parents I have met in the on the same day in previous years, and they kept asking if I have plans of transferring from the school this year. And most of them also included that I should just whallop their kids if they start acting up in school. No questions asked.

Then had staff meeting. Had lunch/farewell party for a colleague who appealed his transfer. Back in town. Stuck in a hair salon till 7pm. Ended up with very straight and very flat hair. Not exactly miserable with it, because All I wanted to do was iron out the kinks in my hair. And now it looks rather... ugly. Makes my face look like a baloon. I hope I will gain some sort of wave and volume after my next wash. Damn it.

Came home. Housemates too tired to wanna even help me cook, so went out with the new plastic hair to a restaurant. Was totally embarrassed when these people all stopped eating and stared at us till we all sat down at our place.

Don't mean to be so full of myself. But that never happened before. Their reaction to us being there (we always ate there and see the same faces time and time again, we never said anything to most of them except for the ones I know from work and from the department who would come by our table for a short chat or if they just waved at me and just say something from their table) could have been caused by one of these :

1. My hair made me look like a hideous ghost in a Korean horror flick cuz I can't tie it back yet said the hair stylist who chemical treated and hot iron treated it to death;

or

2. They saw these 3 fat girls with a skinny one thinking we must have been stealing food from her plate all this while;

or

3. Most of them were busy mouthing about me and my evil ways and was shocked to see me actually being there, like seeing a real ghost.

Most of the tables seemed like they were occupied by these young male teachers and the new young teachers who must have been recently posted here in this town, they must have been briefing these new teachers that there is an evil hag who has been in this town wreaking endless misery and pain on the people around her and how she does not deserve to be here among the people of the same profession and how she seems like she is never leaving this God forsaken place and leave them in peace. And with any luck, they might catch a glimpse of her at the restaurant because she always goes there with her party of 'friends' or 'cronies' or whatever they are.

Oh, the evil old hag being me, which had been sort of a favorite past time of this Kelantanese couple which I had written in a previous post of how these two people enjoyed talking badly of me with every new teacher they met so every one of them would look at me in disgust whenever they saw me out there. The strange thing is, I did spend 2 days and nights in a party of 9 people on the island of Labuan back in 99 on our way to Lawas to our first postings, but I never said a word to him. But the stranger bit would be, his wife, whom I have never met, also mouths off about me with such clarity as if she had even met me.

Which is fine. Because I don't need these losers in my life lah.

Why am I making all these assumptions? Cuz they all f*cking stopped and gaped at us for a full 20 seconds from the time we left my car and as we walked towards the place and took our seats. It was an open air place, but you could cut the tension in the air with a knife!

My housemates and I ate and talked and some of the other patrons whom I had known since I came here, made friendly gestures and commented on how I look a little different with the new hairstyle. Oh God, it was a disaster if they asked me. But I just responded as nicely and warmly as old friends should. One of my ex-student who is now is also a teacher in a primary school in town even stopped by our table and commented that he didn't know who I was when he first got to the restaurant because I looked so young.

Ha Ha.

It was a good day which ended rather strangely. But it was a good day.

And today went very well too. The usual first day of school stuff.

the jolly hermit

Hello.

Good morning and a very Happy New Year to everyone. Semoga dalam tahun baru ini, kita semua dikurniakan limpahan rezeki dan rahmat serta terdorong memperbaiki diri dalam semua aspek juga sukses dalam apa jua perkara yang kita kerjakan. Amin.

Aku sangat gumbira cuti kali ini, sebab apart from the major outburst by me mum, my holiday was rather relaxed and mundane just the way I prefer it to be. Dah tak ingat la apa aku buat and the highlights. Cuma kali ni aku dapat cuti laaaaaaaama sangat. Best sangat dan dah sampai tahap tepu dek kerana cuti yang lebih sebulan inniew. Did I go anywhere outside Lembah Klang? Tidak. Did I do something extraordinary? Not really. Tapi aku happy sebab aku dengan mak aku takde gaduh macam selalu, and aku dengan adik aku pun okay je. Sebab selalunya adik aku akan stress kalau aku dengan mak aku gaduh sebab dia tatau nak sokong siapa. Huhuhu. Tapi sebenarnya, aku tak patut disokong sebab I am naturally insufferable. Mana taknya mak aku mengamuk.

Dah beli tiket balik 25th tapi sebab abang aku yang baru promoted branch manager kena pindah ke JB plak tu, dia balik dengan family dia ke rumah mak aku, habiskan cuti, apa lagi, tunda la flight balik ke 31st. Ingatkan Ahad, rupanya Isnin. D'oh! Biarlah.

Cuti, mainly aku atau adik aku akan bawak mak and adik kecik tu pergi mana-mana kat area Selangor. Ada la pergi visit my mom's cousin si Major (B) kat Pantai, NS. Then ingat nak singgah umah keluarga angkat aku masa praktikum kat Jelebu dulu, they all dah pindah ke Seremban, tapi malam tu tak dapat cuz they were leaving for Perak. Hai hai hai..... dah 8 tahun aku tak jumpa they all, bila ada kesempatan ni, they all plak tak dapat nak stay. Takde jeki la kut? Takpe, tahun depan plak try lagi.

Kalau keluar, mesti pergi makan-makan. Aku paling seronok, cuz akhirnya aku dapat makan kerang bakar yang tah kenapa, aku mengidam sangat nak makan. Aku order 2kg. Warghahahaha.... Korang nak kata aku buruk makan, takpelah, katalah. Tapi aku dah tunggu setahun untuk jumpa mender tuh kat semenanjung gak, cuz kat KK takdok. Aku tak pasti la ada ke tak, tapi aku tak pandai carik la. Pergi Sebuyau dengan N hari tu, kami juma kerang besar bola golf! Banyak! Tapi kat tepi laut tu mana ada orang jual kerang bakar. Takde lah beli. Tatau nak masak kat mana.

Takde la hebat sangat pun benda yang aku ngidam tu dan itulah kali pertama aku makan kerang bakar seumur hidup aku, tapi itulah, 3 kali pergi, 2 kali aku order kerang bakar. Tettiba je nak sangat makan mender tu. Kedai kat Morib tu, kicap cecah dia sedap la. Pedas dan sedap. Itu je lah yang dapat aku gambarkan. Aku order 2kg, adik aku tolong sesikit. Kali ke dua kami pergi situ, aku order 1kg, ingat ada la orang nak makan sama. Takde! Abis la aku kena makan sorang.

N awal-awal bagitau cuti kali ni maybe we could meet again cuz he was coming for work. Dengan sarcasticnya, I taunted him, ye la, dengan meeting 9 pagi - 9 malam tu la you kata nak meet up with me for a day out... ye lah tu. Terus dia kata dia nak amik leave. Ye lah tu... Berdasarkan pengalaman lalu, mak malas nak pikir sangat bila N kata dia nak datang. I will have no one to blame if I was disappointed this time around.

When the time came, I finally learned my way to KLIA. My sister la showed me the way. Buta kayu or what? Bertahun turun naik flight, tak juga reti-reti jalan ke sana? Tataw!

Pagi tu I left early, alone. My sister pun tak nak ikut sebab tak nak kacau daun katanya. Ye, aku dengan adik aku tu macam belangkas, suka pergi ke mana sesama. Sepanjang cuti ni dia takde pun kuar dengan kengkawan dia. Asyik berkefit dengan aku je. Sukanya aku!

Drove him to The Palace of The Golden Horses. Tinggalkan dia kat sana, hantar ikan-ikan terubuk bunting yang dia bawak as buah tangan and pergi semua ke hotel tu untuk ikut dia pergi shopping kat the Mines. Malam tu dia ada function kat situ, tu pasal dia nak pergi beli baju for the dinner. Tinggal my car kat underground parking tu and we took a water taxi. Sepanjang aku tinggal kat area ni, tak pernah aku naik water taxi tu,ko tau? And I dunno why, tapi dengan fellow passenger yang gila bergambar across from our seat, aku takde pun mintak tolong dia amikkan photo kami. Cipan ke tak? Ye aku gila photo, so bila ada opportunity macam tu I missed, it is a big deal to me, okay?

And mereka turunkan kami kat Resort and Spanya. Pengsan la menapak. Aku tak kisah nak menapak 3 hari 3 malam pun. Tapi aku ni kalau dah start berpeluh, mencurah-curah, taw? And I was in my heels. Kepisan aku! Takpelah, demi abe, aku turutkan jua. Tapi kat The Mines takde plak store yang menarik perhatian dia. Aku pun baru realize, kat The Mines tu the kedai-kedai very for the younger people one. Last-lastnya habis, round-round je. Tapi aku sempat la ajak dia pergi movie dah alang-alang kat situ ada TGV. Lepas tu I suggested we go to South City Plaza plak sebab kat sana ada Parkson. Mana la tau kut ada benda yang dihajatinya kat situ, sebab dia malam nak ke KLCC sebab takut the day wasted in the traffic jam kut?

Dia ni rupanya kuat menelek barang. Aku rimas plak la. Lepas tolong dia cari black pants and a white shirt (which I thought was rather boring for a dinner, until I found out dia nak pakai dengan red tie and suspenders, comel sangat, cuz malam tu themenya red black and white) I left him at the counter, ingatkan dia nak membayar je. Lupa lak dia kena tunggu orang tu jahit kaki seluar dulu. So I waited and read a book outside. Bila dia keluar, pergi temankan dia pergi beli fruits and segala jenis drinks kat Giant bawah tu. Aku terfikir, terhabis ke ni?

Keluar tu, dia tanya lapar ke? I said, tak lapar, but I teman you makan la jugak. So perg la kat Bistro mamak kt luar tu. Ingat I just wanted to sit and drink, so sementara dia pi tengok lauk, I just sat at our table. Tapi dia datang balik dengan tangan kosong. Rupanya dia ajak pi tengok lauk juga. Dia tak nak makan if I don't makan with him. Ler, so I ended up with nasi briyani and lamb curry with some acar. Memang sedap hingga menjilat siku. Tapi as usual, bila he is around, appetite aku macam kena sekat la. So I just makan nasik separuh, but managed to finish the lamb curry of course. Lepas tuikut dia balik ke hotel and amik kereta. As I was leaving, dia kata I should bawak balik some of the fruits and chocolates and juices he bought eralier, sebab dia tak mampu nak lug those heavy things around kalau tak sempat habis by the next day, sebab lepas dinner malam tu, dia nak pindah ke Subang Jaya plak for the meeting. Hmm.... Ye la. I amik je la bawak balik. Tapi malam tu ingat nak kuar with me pergi makan-makan. I said, ye lah, pernah ke you call me after 8pm selama ni? Inikan pulak nak tunggu majlis tu selesai kul 12 malam ni. Lagipun, I don't go out after 8pm bila balik sini. So I don't think that would happen. Sure enough, by the time it was over, he was probably pooped and we never went out again that night.

2 hari seterusnya dia meeting. Tapi dia kata 18th dia free, bleh la kalau nak ke mana-mana. Dia kata nak pergi Port Klang sebab kat sana kawan dia pernah bawak makan sea food. Tapi I said I am not so sure about the way. Fikir-fikir, kita pergi Genting je lah. I siad my mum tak kasi kalau hujan lebat. Bahaya. Tapi sebenarnya memang mak aku tak gemar aku keluar dengan lelaki pergi jauh-jauh lak tu. Hmm... Tapi kan, aku mana pernah pergi keluar dengan lelaki bukan mahram seumur hidup aku. Tapi I guess my mom knows best. Last-last tak jadi, sebab meeting extend lagi. Augh! Geramnya mak! Bukan geram tak dapat pergi Genting, okay? Geram sebab meeting menang lagi! Huhuuhu.... I just wanted to spend time with him la, kat mana tu tak kisah pun.

The next day dia dah nak balik. Sedey sangat. Tapi dia ajak pergi ikut dia ke KLCC plak. Dia bleh naik Transit ke KLIA later on. So pagi tu I went to his hotel early. Sebab takut jam kat Puching and Shah Alam. Oh, mereka pindah lagi ke Shah Alam plak. Tah per per. We had breakfast, and then he checked out and we headed to the Commuter station kat Subang. Dia tak nak me driving, takut sesat and jam kut? Huhuhuhu.... gfnya orang ulu.

Dok dalam komuter dengan dia pun I was happy. Then kat KL Central tukar LRT plak. First time aku sampai kat KL Central tu. Jakun kan? Otherwise, I prefer to drive. Bukan keluar tiap hari pun.

Round-round, lunch and then it was time for him to leave. Cipan betul. Benci. I had to leave first, because the commuter going back to Subang Jaya will arrive in less than 5 minutes. He was headed to KLIA. I salam his hand and said, jumpa lagi in 2009. Hohoho... saja perli. Ala, ada jeki, jumpa la. Jumpa selalu sangat pun watper, I have found myself mati kutu kalau lama sangat jumpa. Apa ke mengongnya aku ni.

Balik cuti kali ini, my biggest regret is that I didn't get to see an old friend and another new friend. It's not their fault that we didn't get to meet. My life is not like everyone else's. Bila time tenang tu, takde plak rasa nak keluar rumah jumpa kawan-kawan. Tapi bila rasa nak melangkah je hari tu, ada je la benda berlaku kat umah tu. That's why aku takut nak call diorang and set a date ke apa ke, takut asyik cancel je. In the end, I simply spent my days at home with my mother or reading Thomas Hardy in my sister's room. That simply makes me even more depressed, naturally. Reading Thomas Hardy, I mean. And senyap-senyap balik sini like a tikus mondok. Yes, I feel guilty tak dapat jumpa they all, sedangkan aku bukannya ramai kawan nak berebut jumpa aku bila time cuti. Yang ada dua kerat tu pun aku tak sempat nak entertain. Bingung tak?

Not knowing how to explain the unexplainable, I just kept quiet.

J contacted me on the 23rd though. Dia ajak pergi kuar and lepak-lepak. Lagipun 24th tu Bday dia. Secara kebetulan, petang 22nd tu aku bawak keta abang aku (seperti yang telah disuruh untuk jangan biar je that big lug tersadai kat parking space tu tak dibawa ke mana-mana sepanjang kereta tu ada kat situ) ke Suria KLCC, bawak adik-adik ku and me mum. Aku lately asyik pergi sana je la. Makan-makan la selalunya, dengan adik/confidant/best friend aku yang sorang tu. Tapi of course aku tak tinggal mak and adik angkat aku tu. Rasa bersalah sangat kalau tinggal, ok?

Sekali nak jadi cerita... When we all balik kat kereta, aku tekan butang unlock kat remote tu, dia takmo respond. Puas aku micitnya. Tapi last-last aku bukak secara manual je. Rupak rupanya... aku lupa padam lampu keter. Mummy!!!

Udahla keter aku tak mo start. Call la abang aku apa bagai. Pergi la ke pejabat pengurusan tempat letak keter tu, kata keter rosak and tak dapat bawak balik malam tu, lepas budak MAA tu dah try repair and takmo juga. Tinggal la keter tu kat situ and kami pun balik naik teksi. Naturally, I feel like a badigol, because believe it or not, I have never left my lampu kereta on sejauh mana pun aku pergi, seletih mana pun aku rasa. Keter aku takde pun warning signal, pandai pun aku pastikan semuanya berpdam sebelum tinggal keter, tapi bawak keta canggih cam tu bersignal bersensor, bleh plak la terlupa. Baik aku naik keter lembu je la, kan?

Well, aku kata la kat J, tak pasti dapat jumpa kat situ ke tak, cuz biasalah living in a volatile household, anything can happen bila aku plan per per, tapi aku akan usahakanlah. 24th tu abang aku call, dia kata kejap lagi dia sampai umah, dia nak tinggal family dia kat situ and amik aku and kawan mechanic dia untuk buat operasi rescue kereta. Kesian abang aku. So aku call J, boleh jumpa dia, cuz aku memang nak kena pergi Suria KLCC. Tapi dia kata tak dapat lak... so pagi tu pergi rescue kereta je la. And bagi menebus dosaku kerana mendrainkan bateri keter and menyusahkan abang aku kena pergi bawak kawan dia rescue keter, aku belanja diorang makan nasik kandar kat Pelita. Diorang bawak keter dorang, aku ikut je kat belakang. Kalau orang suruh aku pergi sana sendiri, haramnya aku ingat jalan pi sana.

Kalau sempat balik bulan June depan, I will have a new niece. Kakak ipar ku akan bersalin lagi tak lama lagi. So empat orang anak buah aku nanti, termasuk sorang yang the estranged one, due to my other brother's divorce. Mak mertua dia, harap je hajjah and bertudung litup apa bagai, tapi perangai tak jauh beza dengan mak mertua Kassim Selamat. The way I see it, dia tu kena sindrom sesetengah orang miskin baru merasa jadi kaya la. Bapak mertua dia okay. Apa-apa je lah, abang aku tu pun satu, tak pandai ukur baju dibadan sendiri orang kata.

Sempat mengutuk tu. Macam la diri ni bagus sangat. Sorry, mak tak sengaja.

Oh ye, the bell flowers yang my mom got from Kundasang last time she was here, my mom dah planted and yesterday, it bloomed! I am simply amazed at my mom's green fingers. Tanam apa saja, semua tumbuh. The thing is, bunga tu tumbuh kat tanah tinggi. My home tu bukan kat Cameron. Tapi dia subur juga dengan layanan my mom. Sungguh mengagumkan. Nantilah ada masa I upload the photos.

I also loved the fact that I got to spend a lot of time with my two nephews. They are growing into such boisterous boys. Pengsan la mak dia. Diorang baik kalau ayah dia ada kat umah je. Tapi I adore them just the same.

I have forgotten what else happened. If I remember, I will write more.

Let me remind you that my writing this is not for other people to learn how dull my life is, but to remind myself that that is the way I prefer it to be and what a great time I had this time round. If you have a bone to pick with me, I suggest you go pick your nose instead cuz I am just gonna delete your silly comments anyway.

Ceh, awal-awal dah warning.

Okaylah, I have things to settle and places to go. W... I miss yew! So sad. That's why I have to go to school now so that I won't be so lonely and sad kat umah ni.

Love and kisses and all the hugs in the world.