One guy told me, you know why you're still single? You're probably not a good seller.
I don't 'sell' myself out to potential 'buyers'. I get his analogy. I have seen and known women with a lot less getting married and living up their happily ever after Disney fairy tales.
I hate promoting myself to potential guys. And why should I? I seriously do not swing with the new-age dating scheme thing. Nor do I find meek men appealing. So much so that the women has to make the first move. That is so not the kind of party I would find myself going to.
My boss once told me that I should tone it down a bit, once I have met a potential. You are a likeable person, but guys don't really go for loud girls like you, he said. Imagine that, coming from your boss. I'd have done something REALLY bad to him had he not been my boss. He meant it in a good, fatherly way anyway, so I just grinned and bear it.
I do see the need to tone it down for appearances' sake, but will the guy be able to accept it once he finds out the truth? One thing about toning it down that I hate is, how long can you really have the self-control to keep your true self from him before you burst at the seams and all hell breaks loose? And will I be able to bear the look of disappointment and disgust once he finds out?
I can do what most men can do. Well, except for producing sperm. I have been taking good care of myself and still do. I avoid any kind of night-life. I have pretty much been a good person. I just haven't met the right one.
And some idiot will surely come along and say something idiotic like, hey, you say you're happy being on your own, but who will take care of the matters in the bedroom, *wink* *wink*. Seriously, that's what 'the rabbit' is for.
That was a joke.
One more time, SERIOUSLY, settling down with the right person is not just for sex. Yes, that is one of the most basic human needs in order to function well, I guess. But having seen my own parents, I cannot reiterate enough that I am aware of the fact that there is more, way more to a marriage than sex. And the fact that you will have to wake up next to a person who can't cut it, for the next 30 to 50 years of my life doesn't really send me the right message about it anyway.
My life, despite the many rosy and fun things I've done and the fun and good people I have met, I can never deny the fact that in some aspects of my life, has been an experiment in bad decisions. But I know that things can be worse. And I am not spiteful or regretful of the experiences, because they have been great teachers in human character. They have taught me to be cautious but not cynical.
The last one, being a Hajj, with a reputable job and a spic-and-span appearance. He saw, me, he liked me, he wooed me, and we dated. And I was never the freaky psycho girlfriend people keep playing up in movies. But his intentions were never good from the very beginning. He was just very good at keeping them from me. And it's not all that hard to trust a person like him given his status in society. Three years is long enough to be patient, and it got harder and harder to ignore the signs. It didn't seem like it was going anywhere, so I left.
As for expectations; those of you who do not have expectations what-so-ever of your spouse, raise your hands.
I thought so.
So why blame me for having certain expectations, for the person whom I want settle down with? After all, I am the one who will be waking up next to him for the rest of my life. However, don't get me wrong. My mom told me once, if you get even 50% of the 100% of the things you expect from the guy you are going to marry, consider yourself lucky. I believe her. I just look at my dad, and all the nasty things my mom said to my dad in their fights will just go away. My mom really did get my dad get away with a lot of things. And yet, she is still the same devoted wife and mom I knew when dad was around. Mom still loves him despite his shortcomings and often talks about him when I am around. No, dad was not perfect, but they loved each other. Him being gone hurts her so much.
And my mom also told me, the first three years of your marriage will be the worst. This does not apply to everyone. But it will surely apply to me, since I know myself very well to deny the fact that there will be some nasty teething problems.
So, having realistic expectations of man and marriage? Check.
At the end of the day, there are plenty of good men who are driven to love and and be loved, to do anything in their power to make their loved ones have the life he'd dream of them having. Who will appreciate my Chef Micheal Smith's no-recipe type dinners. Who wants to spend the rest of his life with me who will enjoy the kinds of movies I like to watch, cuz I like boys movies most of the time anyway. Who will stay even when I hurt him. Who will miss me dreadfully when I am away. I know he exists. I just haven't crossed paths with him yet.
So, after years of self-analysis, numerous reads, endless self-punishment, I have finally come to the conclusion that there is nothing majorly wrong with who I am and the way I choose to be. All the guys/jerks I've met before are just people whom I have to pass by before meeting the one. It's a more difficult, grittier path for me, because God knows I have the balls to go through it all and that I will persevere, no matter what.
Despite it all, if I never find him, hadn't it been all written in the stars anyway?
If you're a friend, and you're reading this, please don't judge. Yes, I'd ask you to pray for me, but I think it is up to me, to ask God for what he thinks I deserve. There is no blame nor sadness or regret.
I'm not sad, nor am I blaming anyone for my lack of spouse as I am reaching 34. I'm just writing out what's in my mind. All the scathing remarks I have made as I lash out on Facebook as my so-called updates, are not exactly what I have been thinking throughout the years. And it's no even the tip of the iceberg. It's just Facebook.
Don't you think there is more to you than your Facebook updates? There is definitely more to me than mine.
Disclaimer : This is just something from the top of my head. It does not concern anyone on my FB list, dead or alive. I have not done an empirical study of this matter. Nor am I claiming that the married world population are doing it wrong or unhappy with their choices. It is just me and my singlehood. I leave everything to God.
Everything that is good is from God, and the bad, from me and my own weaknesses.
Peace out.
I don't 'sell' myself out to potential 'buyers'. I get his analogy. I have seen and known women with a lot less getting married and living up their happily ever after Disney fairy tales.
I hate promoting myself to potential guys. And why should I? I seriously do not swing with the new-age dating scheme thing. Nor do I find meek men appealing. So much so that the women has to make the first move. That is so not the kind of party I would find myself going to.
My boss once told me that I should tone it down a bit, once I have met a potential. You are a likeable person, but guys don't really go for loud girls like you, he said. Imagine that, coming from your boss. I'd have done something REALLY bad to him had he not been my boss. He meant it in a good, fatherly way anyway, so I just grinned and bear it.
I do see the need to tone it down for appearances' sake, but will the guy be able to accept it once he finds out the truth? One thing about toning it down that I hate is, how long can you really have the self-control to keep your true self from him before you burst at the seams and all hell breaks loose? And will I be able to bear the look of disappointment and disgust once he finds out?
I can do what most men can do. Well, except for producing sperm. I have been taking good care of myself and still do. I avoid any kind of night-life. I have pretty much been a good person. I just haven't met the right one.
And some idiot will surely come along and say something idiotic like, hey, you say you're happy being on your own, but who will take care of the matters in the bedroom, *wink* *wink*. Seriously, that's what 'the rabbit' is for.
That was a joke.
One more time, SERIOUSLY, settling down with the right person is not just for sex. Yes, that is one of the most basic human needs in order to function well, I guess. But having seen my own parents, I cannot reiterate enough that I am aware of the fact that there is more, way more to a marriage than sex. And the fact that you will have to wake up next to a person who can't cut it, for the next 30 to 50 years of my life doesn't really send me the right message about it anyway.
My life, despite the many rosy and fun things I've done and the fun and good people I have met, I can never deny the fact that in some aspects of my life, has been an experiment in bad decisions. But I know that things can be worse. And I am not spiteful or regretful of the experiences, because they have been great teachers in human character. They have taught me to be cautious but not cynical.
The last one, being a Hajj, with a reputable job and a spic-and-span appearance. He saw, me, he liked me, he wooed me, and we dated. And I was never the freaky psycho girlfriend people keep playing up in movies. But his intentions were never good from the very beginning. He was just very good at keeping them from me. And it's not all that hard to trust a person like him given his status in society. Three years is long enough to be patient, and it got harder and harder to ignore the signs. It didn't seem like it was going anywhere, so I left.
As for expectations; those of you who do not have expectations what-so-ever of your spouse, raise your hands.
I thought so.
So why blame me for having certain expectations, for the person whom I want settle down with? After all, I am the one who will be waking up next to him for the rest of my life. However, don't get me wrong. My mom told me once, if you get even 50% of the 100% of the things you expect from the guy you are going to marry, consider yourself lucky. I believe her. I just look at my dad, and all the nasty things my mom said to my dad in their fights will just go away. My mom really did get my dad get away with a lot of things. And yet, she is still the same devoted wife and mom I knew when dad was around. Mom still loves him despite his shortcomings and often talks about him when I am around. No, dad was not perfect, but they loved each other. Him being gone hurts her so much.
And my mom also told me, the first three years of your marriage will be the worst. This does not apply to everyone. But it will surely apply to me, since I know myself very well to deny the fact that there will be some nasty teething problems.
So, having realistic expectations of man and marriage? Check.
At the end of the day, there are plenty of good men who are driven to love and and be loved, to do anything in their power to make their loved ones have the life he'd dream of them having. Who will appreciate my Chef Micheal Smith's no-recipe type dinners. Who wants to spend the rest of his life with me who will enjoy the kinds of movies I like to watch, cuz I like boys movies most of the time anyway. Who will stay even when I hurt him. Who will miss me dreadfully when I am away. I know he exists. I just haven't crossed paths with him yet.
So, after years of self-analysis, numerous reads, endless self-punishment, I have finally come to the conclusion that there is nothing majorly wrong with who I am and the way I choose to be. All the guys/jerks I've met before are just people whom I have to pass by before meeting the one. It's a more difficult, grittier path for me, because God knows I have the balls to go through it all and that I will persevere, no matter what.
Despite it all, if I never find him, hadn't it been all written in the stars anyway?
If you're a friend, and you're reading this, please don't judge. Yes, I'd ask you to pray for me, but I think it is up to me, to ask God for what he thinks I deserve. There is no blame nor sadness or regret.
I'm not sad, nor am I blaming anyone for my lack of spouse as I am reaching 34. I'm just writing out what's in my mind. All the scathing remarks I have made as I lash out on Facebook as my so-called updates, are not exactly what I have been thinking throughout the years. And it's no even the tip of the iceberg. It's just Facebook.
Don't you think there is more to you than your Facebook updates? There is definitely more to me than mine.
Disclaimer : This is just something from the top of my head. It does not concern anyone on my FB list, dead or alive. I have not done an empirical study of this matter. Nor am I claiming that the married world population are doing it wrong or unhappy with their choices. It is just me and my singlehood. I leave everything to God.
Everything that is good is from God, and the bad, from me and my own weaknesses.
Peace out.
