He picked up my phone and looked at the screen closely. I glanced at him, seeing that he had that odd expression on his face.
"You're not gonna find anything on that phone," I said.
He kept silent.
"Is it the photo on the wallpaper?"
Silence.
"I can't put your photo because people will ask. Well, I did put your photo as wallpaper once, but then I took it off again when we... and I was not sure about an answer if people asks. I don't feel like putting other people's photo in there cuz the phone is mine anyway."
"Why don't you put our photo as wallpaper, the one where we were together-gether?"
How cute is that, coming from his deep, expressionless voice? Almost child-like.
"Really? You want me to put our photo as wallpaper on my phone?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"And what if people asks?"
"Tell them I am your mentor."
"Whot? Banyaklah mentor dengan lentoq-lentoq, lentiq-lentiq macam nih!"
"Let them ask then."
"Are you sure? Cuz I'm gonna do it. I have loads of our together-gether photos on this phone, you know?"
I changed the photo and smiled at him as I showed it to him.
He's the secretive type. In his world, no one knows about me, and I have always quietly wondered if I was not good enough for him that he is doing his best keeping me a secret. But then I realized, what is there to tell? We're stumbling and feeling our way through most things still. I thought he wouldn't like it if people in my world knew about him. However, now that he was the one asking me why wouldn't I, it makes me feel reassured, that this might just be it.
Then Love Story (How Do I Begin) started playing on the radio. He looked at me and asked me to listen to the song carefully. He said it is such a beautiful song and has very deep meaning so he dedicated it to me.
It was a beautiful song I never took notice before. But in the car, at that moment, it felt like the most beautiful part of the afternoon. I looked outside, as I'd usually do, fighting back the urge to cry, as always, and listened to the song. He reached for my hand and entwined his fingers through mine.
Today I realized why exactly I am recording everything I am experiencing with Abang in here shamelessly. Despite the fact that others are reading this, it is my record of the good that is Abang and Me. There are also the bad, but I think so far that has been subsiding. These things I have written is to remind me, in the future, when I start forgetting, that there had been sweet, good, wonderful and joyous happenings in our journey together if we decide that we'd spend the rest of our life together; when I forget, when situation gets tough, when I cry and hit and scream. Angry with him, life and myself. When he would clam up into himself instead of being the steadfast and adoring lover and supporter that I need him to be.
I need this to remind me what we were before the storm and to see how we would be once it pasts.
"You're not gonna find anything on that phone," I said.
He kept silent.
"Is it the photo on the wallpaper?"
Silence.
"I can't put your photo because people will ask. Well, I did put your photo as wallpaper once, but then I took it off again when we... and I was not sure about an answer if people asks. I don't feel like putting other people's photo in there cuz the phone is mine anyway."
"Why don't you put our photo as wallpaper, the one where we were together-gether?"
How cute is that, coming from his deep, expressionless voice? Almost child-like.
"Really? You want me to put our photo as wallpaper on my phone?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"And what if people asks?"
"Tell them I am your mentor."
"Whot? Banyaklah mentor dengan lentoq-lentoq, lentiq-lentiq macam nih!"
"Let them ask then."
"Are you sure? Cuz I'm gonna do it. I have loads of our together-gether photos on this phone, you know?"
I changed the photo and smiled at him as I showed it to him.
He's the secretive type. In his world, no one knows about me, and I have always quietly wondered if I was not good enough for him that he is doing his best keeping me a secret. But then I realized, what is there to tell? We're stumbling and feeling our way through most things still. I thought he wouldn't like it if people in my world knew about him. However, now that he was the one asking me why wouldn't I, it makes me feel reassured, that this might just be it.
Then Love Story (How Do I Begin) started playing on the radio. He looked at me and asked me to listen to the song carefully. He said it is such a beautiful song and has very deep meaning so he dedicated it to me.
It was a beautiful song I never took notice before. But in the car, at that moment, it felt like the most beautiful part of the afternoon. I looked outside, as I'd usually do, fighting back the urge to cry, as always, and listened to the song. He reached for my hand and entwined his fingers through mine.
Today I realized why exactly I am recording everything I am experiencing with Abang in here shamelessly. Despite the fact that others are reading this, it is my record of the good that is Abang and Me. There are also the bad, but I think so far that has been subsiding. These things I have written is to remind me, in the future, when I start forgetting, that there had been sweet, good, wonderful and joyous happenings in our journey together if we decide that we'd spend the rest of our life together; when I forget, when situation gets tough, when I cry and hit and scream. Angry with him, life and myself. When he would clam up into himself instead of being the steadfast and adoring lover and supporter that I need him to be.
I need this to remind me what we were before the storm and to see how we would be once it pasts.
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