atit....

Today I am experiencing it again. A very bad back pain. Almost debilitating. The last time it got bad, I was bedridden for two weeks.

Mom made me go to the hospital and have it x-rayed. No cracked bone. No pinched nerve. Nothing. I went to see the specialist that time. She told me that I should just treat my back with respect. Don't I know that already, and how I wish it was easy.

This time, it started Sunday morning. I knew it was gonna hurt. But I tried ignoring it. Until today, at school, I was still trying to ignore it and going through my daily routine at work. But I was in pain. And everyone could see that it was hard for me to stand upright. It was hard for me to walk without having to bend my body a little, to adjust the weight so I could move better.

My clerk said I should have applied for an MC. The thing is, I am used to ignoring these sorts of pain. Unless it is chronic diarrhea, I would still go to school. And all my 8 years in this line, I have only taken medical leave three times. Once for chronic back pain, back in 2001 (my whole back, from the neck to my ass was locked and I can't even turn my neck sideways) and twice for recurring diarrhea due to eating seafood during the red sea season. It's a wonder why I am still alive because of it. I shat and I vomited at the same time and spent the night going to the loo and practically sleeping on the loo bowl with a pail filled with predigested foods and yellow substance so vile between my legs.

That is what it takes to get me out of school. OK?

Today I had 4 periods to teach, but I only had time to give the first class an assignment to be completed in my failure to go into class. In my pain, I had to clear a case involving a lot of cussing with evidence on the victim's cellphone. Kids these days are getting violent, both verbally and physically. I called the police station, asking for advice. In the end, I solved the case myself, on condition, that if it occurs again, I will send the report to JPNS, and they will never be able to pursue a better education in a better school. Well, that's not true of course. But a threat should be scary. I hope that and the lockup stay, and the letters that would inform their parents of the matter would curb them from repeating their mistakes.

Then when it comes to the next class, I was totally unable to walk at all. I called them to the library and discussed the short story we have read the week before for English Literature using PowerPoint. I sat throughout, true. But that is better than skipping class altogether. That was all I could do that day. I am sorry if I let anyone down with the only thing I could manage during class today.

Esok boss takde. Dia ke Pejabat Pelajaran till Wednesday. I have to photograph AJK persatuan and kelab sepanjang minggu ni. I am really hoping that I will feel better tomorrow.

How? I don't know, some miracle I guess. I am not gonna take painkillers.

Hari ni balik awal, right after school was over. Tak tahan, sakit sangat. I don't think I would be any good staying in my office trying to get anything done being in this kind of pain. I drove sampai sekolah K, and as soon as I stopped the car, I asked her to drive. Dia agak takut-takut at first, tapi sampai rumah, she could do it just fine. Takde pun masalah. Sampai rumah, I just laid myself flat in the livingroom floor, while they cooked lunch. I fell asleep, but woke a little when Z ajak makan. I said, makan dulu. Karang akak makan. 3.30pm, I woke up, dah kurang sikit sakitnya. I went upstairs and took a shower. I hope it will get better tomorrow. I have so much to do. And Friday ni I AJK protokol untuk Program Kecemerlangan Pelajar in town. Monday pulak, team yang N hantar nak datang untuk program students from 3, 4 and 5.

Please God, give me the strength to endure this pain so I can do everything that is my responsibility.