Tuesday, July 17, 2007

all our children

Look, I left a comment on someone's blog and it is as long as a real entry. I agree with myself totally, I just had to cut and paste it on my blog. Is this legal?
In total agreement with this blogger who wrote in response to this article.

By the way, I do believe that different kinds of kids, should be handled differently. This does not apply to everyone.

Anillynnette said...

Why do they even want to spare the rod? Have they taught in a school before? Them being the angels at school at that particular time in the country's history does not make them the experts, does it?

Did they have pirated vcd's with all kinds of violence back then? Did they have easy access to pornography? Did they have MTV, for God's sake? Did they have magazines and lingerie brochures with half naked women left lying around the house back then? Was there broadband connectivity? Augh!!!

I might be wrong, but then I think caning is still constitutes as positive reinforcement in psychology. I have forgotten what it was, but I remember in one of the classes I had at uni that says a baby who'd giggle and can't wait to grab a white fluffy bunny rabbit turns hysterical whenever he sees anything white and fluffy after a few sessions where the vision of the cuddly bunny rabbit is accompanied by a loud clanging noise made by hitting metal against metal.

My point is, what I have written up there, when translated into child bearing terms, means when we cane them we do not cane them out of hatred but out of concern; to create in them a subconscious notion in their minds that every bad deed that they do will bring with it a painful punishment. This is just a guideline for them to grow up along. Not total punishment and abandonment.

As you may have guessed, I grew up in a household where the parents were not hesitant to give me a whack on the butt or even more than that when the need arise. But I never hate my parents and I never hold a grudge on them for doing what they did to me. I deserved every swing of the cane. The pain goes away, but the thought that they did it for my own good was what had stayed with me.

Dad did the 'no tv' trick with me. He took out the fuse out of the plug. But when he had to go to work, I got the screwdrive and found another fuse and put it back in there myself. I'd take it out again when it's close to the time he returns from work. And I was just a 7 year-old girl back then! I'd steal the front door key from underneath my mom's sleeping body when it was nap time, so I can go out and play with my friends. Can you imagine what kind of devil I could have turned out today if they did not wield their rights as caring and concerned parents way back then? And I did not in any way grow up into a meek little wallflower. Looking back, I feel so sorry for my late dad. How he wanted to be gentle. But I am glad that he came to his senses and the cane came back soon after.

What turns them into monsters are adults whose authority to mould them in the first place has been taken away and the liberation that is given at too early an age by parents who didn't know better.

Believe me. It is not the caning that turns these little people into monsters. It is absent parents who are fooled by their angelic antics and teachers who can't have a say in their raring for their opinions are deemed unworthy.

Liberty in the hands of immature, irresponsible, inexperienced and unguided souls USUALLY leads to very bad consequences.

We are not Americans. We are not Swedes. We are Malaysians. All the cultures and different faiths here have different kinds of prohibitions and we have all grown up with one kind or another. Did we all grow up scared? I don't think so.

My point is, different cultures, different mentalities. Don't be too eager to emulate them when we still don't know why some normal kids still can't read by the time they reach their teens. The US is nothing but a big bully anyway. A young country with too much money and power for it's own good. Do they listen? Please someone, smack some sense into that country already!

I am not saying that EVERY young child is a devil in disguise, but really, how can any one know for sure what their children is up to once their backs are turned?

I am a teacher and a Senior Assistant in charge of Students' Affairs at my school. While I love each and every one of them (my students/clients/kids) to death, I know them. They are one thing at school, but once they are called into my office with their parents waiting in there with me, they turn into totally different human beings. They never cease to amaze me.

I may not have a PhD in Child Psychology, but please, sparing the cane is not the answer. I was a child myself once and a very mischievous one at that too, but I know that the cane works and it works best when wielded with genuine concern and love from a parent of a caregiver.

I know, I am not a parent yet, but I will be one day and I for one, will wield the cane when the situation necessitates its use. Because I do not want to be the so-called liberal-minded parent who has no clue what-so-ever about the reality of my child and the world around him, who'd storm into the principal's office, exclaiming "Aku pun tak pernah rotan anak aku, tahu tak?" and heard in reply, just under someone's breath, "Patutlah anak kau macam syaitan..."

6:09 PM

J, do you agree or disagree with me?


David Langley said...

I admire your courage. The cane is not pleasant. It is not pleasant for the child to receive it (that is why it works): it is not pleasant for the adult who has to give it.

But if children do not learn lessons from your cane when they are young, life will find harder ways of teaching them.

Anillynnette said...

I totally agree with you. The cane did not teach me everything and yes, life has taught me, and taught me well.

Thanks for stopping by.

krospa said...

I saw your post and I'm curious. It seems that it's typical in Malaysia to cane children. Isn't it too cruel? I'm a mexican girl and when growing up I used to get my father belt (that was reaaaaallly painful!) and more usually my mum's slipper. I think that a belt is very painful for a child, but I don't know about a cane. Isn't it used to punish criminals?

Anillynnette said...

krospa, like most things in life, use it sparingly, only when necessary and we don't go around sporting a cane the size of a baby's arm. Most of the time it would be smaller than a pencil, that is why some people resort to belts when the cane just won't do. Besides, I am just saying this based on my experience as a kid. Don't you think it hurt me too, back then? And you and I, we grew up in totally different cultures. Here, back then, kids don't talk back and they accept the punishment due. If they are mad at their parents, they deal with that anger their own way. We never had a therapist, we didn't even have school counselors. That was back then, when kids were mentally stronger and the type who were ready to take on the consequences of their deeds. And I was talking about my dad, who does that when we kids were extra bad. Most of the time, it would have been my mom who was the one who would always be mad at us for being bad, and even then she never raised a hand on any of us. She pinched, yes. But then, I knew that she always had guilt afterwards, so she usually nagged us into boredom and made us solemnly swear to ourselves never to repeat whatever we had done that made her so mad. We'd always forget of course.

Gosh, just because I write these things, you start thinking we get beaten up everyday like my dad is a child abuser or something.

Look, I just hate the way some people raised tehir kids to be without manners and disrespectful, thinking that these kids would be better when they are older and when they are supposed to know better. I just think that would be too late; because it would have been ingrained in them that they can get away with everything by then.

Come on, would your mom or dad beat you up if you were good? That would have been abuse and I am against that. But I am an advocate of a good spank on the butt from time to time when it is due. That's all.

krospa said...

Hi Ani,
I'm sorry if I did sound like critisizing. I didn't mean to offend you or the way malaysian children are educated or punished. It was just plain curiosity in the differences in culture when it comes to disciplining children.
In fact I agree with you that discipline is necessary and that probably nowadays parents are too lenient and that makes young people grow up without principles and respect for others.
I was asking just because I would like to imagine how it is like in your country. I once wrote an essay for University comparing the "typical" punishment for children in Spain (country were I have lived) as to Mexico (were I was brought up), so I'm interested in differences and if you don't mind I would like to know a bit more about how it was like when you were a child.
In my case the usual was my mom with her slipper, she would just take it off at any time, grab me and hit many times without keeping the count, until she was tired. But what was harsher was when my dad used his belt, he used to make me lay on the bed with my pants off and told me how many strokes I was going to receive. That hurt like hell!! :-(
So how was it in your case (or the typical in Malaysia)? Do parents act with anger or is it more formal like in my dad's case? You say that belt is also used? Is it typical or parents most of the cases use the cane? Where do they get that cane from? I mean, a belt or a slipper is in every house, but a cane?
I can think of more questions but I don't want to bother you (I know this seems interrogatory!!).
Thanks for sharing your experiences and sorry if I bother you!!

Anillynnette said...

Dear Krospa,
sorry I took forever.

We buy the cane from the shop so that we would not have to resort to beating ou kids up with lowly degrading things like shoes and slippers.

The cane is most of the time smaller than your pinky and it is usually just hung on the wall as a threat, only used when the threat ceases to work. As a last resort. We are not abusive people. It is just the way it is.

I am too sleepy to go further. If you wanna know more ask me again another time. I might come back to your questions.