Friday, February 15, 2008

nonsense II

What separates genius and insanity.

Random thoughts that seems to be original or new does not make one a genius. Most of the time it’s probably recycled from what was stored in our subconscious mind absorbed through our experiences and that of others.

Sometimes, my ideas come from rage. Sometimes from my self-imposed emotional suffering. Sometimes they seem original to me simply because I don’t read too much. Sometimes I simply know that I might be merely recycling a well-known fact of life, presenting it in a new light, in my own context.

Having read some of the rantings on other blogs, sometimes, it makes me feel better about things when I find that some people have it far worse than I do. It is not gloating. It’s just a realization that I do have many things to be grateful about in life. And no, I don’t have it as bad as I think I do.

Sometimes it is rather nice, to know that I am not exactly alone, or therein, special, when I find other people who have also lost their way somewhat, but have the strength to push on through to another day. It’s nice to know, that there is still hope for the likes of me, and that it is all right to be the way that I am, despite the fact that the society in which I live demands that I snap out of it and be a better person.

Because at the end of the day, would a sane person want to be where and what I am at that particular moment of my life? Probably not. But sometimes, no matter how much pep talk you do in your mind, in the quietude of your personal space, you can’t help being pulled into that dark place in your mind again and again when you feel that you are all alone in that fight. You’re not alone. But you are too embarrassed to admit it, and to seek help. Because needing help symbolizes weakness and at that moment of your life, it is too late to be weak. You’ve gone too far, you have climbed too high. You cannot let yourself fall.

You don’t think you can come back from the abyss if you did.

All this negativity swimming around in my mind. I shouldn’t let it take up too much of my thoughts so. There is no place in my life for this, simply because, people depend on me. I should not let this negativity take me down.

It does not pay to be weak.

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