failure

WARNING : STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT.

For some reason, I am not afraid. Usually when I am not afraid, something bad is going to happen. I hope it doesn't though.

He's just some other's school's failure trying to make new start at my school. However, I am thinking that the truth is his father is the one trying to keep him in school. If it had been up to him, he would have left earlier and never registered at my school.

He failed. I failed.

The thing is, if I am afraid of the repercussions of all my disciplinary acts, I would never have left home. We can't expel him. We can suspend him for two weeks and another two weeks and another two weeks. That police report is just so if anything happens to me (it would have been too late by then anyway) they would have a prime suspect already. Most of the teachers and students saw and heard us. The eye witness is a guy from his kampung and works at the office. He was just two feet away from me the whole time it happened.

After breakfast, I went to meet with a parent over scholarship matters, and I saw him in front of my office. I know he has been skipping classes every day for the past few days and skipping school altogether before that. We were on the verge of suspending him on that count alone. So I said to him,

"Why don't you just tell your dad you want to quit school and just do it? I'd be glad to help."
"I had been ill, Miss."
"Yeah, right. Whatever. But at this moment there is no use standing there like that, just go to your class and sit for the day's papers now. I'll deal with you later in the afternoon. Go."
He left.

About 5 minutes later I was done with the parent, so I went straight to my class. It was his class. I saw that he was not there. I asked his classmates, "Where's Ali*?"
"He hasn't been in here, Miss."
"Is that so?"

Then a kid from his class who just came back from the restroom walked in.
"Have you seen Ali?" I asked
"Yes, he was loitering behind the restroom, Miss." As I had expected.

I immediately called the guy from his kampung on my cellphone from outside the classroom. He was at the office at the time, and I asked him to go get Ali and bring the boy to the classroom, I'd be waiting for him there.

2 minutes later, I heard them coming with his voice protesting. I walked out of the classroom to get him. He saw me and he bolted.

I yelled his name and he stopped at the stairs and the guy went after him and stopped him. I went to the stairs and pulled him upwards and he brushed my hand off and we started lashing at each other at the top of our lungs.

"This is what Malays are." I fumed.
"Don't you dare talk like that about Malays, Miss."
"Why the hell not? I'm Malay, Din here is Malay. But the difference is, we're not Malay trash like you. I can and will help you only if you are willing to make some changes on your part, but if you come here expecting sympathy and unwilling to pull your thumb out of your ass, you better just forget about it. I have no time for trash like you."

He was rearing to go, wanting to strike me, his nostrils flaring and eyes were red and watery.
"I can beat you up if I want to, Miss," he growled under his quickened breath.
"Go ahead. Take your best shot." I egged him on, calling his bluff.

Instead, he walked back down the stairs and yelled back at me,
"I may not be beating you up today, but beware, I will wreck your car and I will wreck it really good. Just wait until you get to Lawas this afternoon, I will get all my posse to get you, Miss, just you wait."

"Yeah, do that. I'll be waiting. Don't forget. But right now just get your crappy ass out of my school and don't you ever dare show your face here again, we don't have any place for a motherfucking loser like you here."

I looked at Don who was dumbfounded, "Don, escort the shit out of the school, and make sure he leaves."

He did as I said. Ali threw the books he brought with him on the stairs, Don picked them up as he walked down the stairs and followed him.

I watched from the corridor above the stairs. I could see the whole school from where I was standing. But as he took quite a while, I went to the class next to mine, asked the teacher to keep an eye on my class as well, and went downstairs and followed the SOB out. He was out of the gate by the time I got downstairs, and he harrassed the guard too as he stomped out.

I saw Don standing there with the books still in his hand, I took them from him, walked to the gate, saw the SOB a distance from the gate, probably walking towards the rows of shop where he will spend the rest of the day until it is time to go home again. Loitering and drinking.

I walked to the side of the road with the books in my hand and flung them into the air. They flew and scattered for a split second before landing on the asphalt. The pages fluttered in the wind.

*names have been changed.