games

On one of the blogs that I regularly read, there was an entry about how a man had to console a friend of his who just went through a terrible divorce. In his frustration, he ended the few paragraphs describing how terrible he felt about his friend’s suffering, criticizing women’s way of playing games with men’s hearts even when they know how much badly hooked they are on them. He knew how terrible it felt like because he was that friend of his a few years erliers

Let it be known in plain daylight that I am far from being upset over that statement, because I know it’s just a generalization anyone would say in situations like that. I myself have said things like that numerous times, because I can be one very frustrated person.

Besides, it is not all that wrong.

However, I did correct him, saying that “Some women AND men play that game” because I think I speak for everyone when I say, not all women and most certainly not too many men play these games.

I am guilty of having played that game once.

A long time ago, when I was very much a newbie at this thing called love and all its chemistry, I myself was guilty of this crime.. Not much of a looker and having gone through a rather manly phase in my life, I was always at my happiest minding my own business and found that maintaining a relationship with anyone during my school and uni years would be too much for me, had I found love. I only started a relationship when I had finished my studies and when I was already holding this post in this delightful little kampung. Oh, not with a local, although they have been very warm and friendly towards me, both men and women. And even that relationship was not something I was actually looking for but something I happened to stumble upon as I frequent a chatroom in cyberspace. Love was the remotest thing on my mind when it happened. His declaration of what we should be that night explained a lot of arguments we had because of my friendliness with all the rest in the chatroom. It was simply that, a friendliness that only a ‘manly’ girl would know because I did not visit that place with romance in mind.

Love makes me stupid. That, I know, because even when I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t say “No, I do not want this relationship with you.” And even though I am a Muslim woman, back then in my younger days, I have found trouble in understanding why on earth my faith allows men to have more than one wife if he can afford it. It was a total bollocks to me.

From this moment on, many will start thinking I am a harlot, luring honest married men into a whirlwind affair. I may not be blameless in the whole situation, but I do not agree with that statement that I lured him in. I was intrigued by him, honestly, but not that extent. But like I said, I was rendered foolish once it sets in. And no, it was not the s*x, because there was none going on.

For some reason, I felt that he could not have loved me enough and although I would like to blame that on the bipolar disorder and chemical imbalance condition I suspect myself of having, I was already a sane, grown woman, I should not have given him such a hard time and accepted the facts and trusted him.

Love is still a foreign thing for me. The kind that I wanted I actually had, but had to let go due to obvious reasons I do not wish to discuss any further in here. I don’t understand what love and all its complexities any more today than I did more than eight years ago, when I found myself having fallen for this man. Wrong as it was, I think it was love. Because he endured more amounts of sh*t any insecure woman could pile on any willing man.

Wonder if he was driven by some sort of sexual gratification? I don’t think so since he lived thousands of miles away. So what could it have been if it wasn’t the ‘L’ word? Not, I didn’t mean lust although, it might have played a role in the whole thing.

Over the years, having been on my own again, regaining my sanity and balance, I have managed to sort out some things especially on what I would like to have and should not be blamed for wanting too much of any one.

It’s simple, really. At least for me it is, because I don’t need to play any games to feel whole. Not anymore. I know who I am and where I stand. If he wants me he should take me as I am and the same goes for me. There is no use pretending or masking things up during the courting phase because it’s a fact that these facades will dissolve once you reach that comfort zone with your spouse. Once both of you go beyond the idealization phase of the relationship. Of course, there is room to accommodate some sort of trait modifications but not too much, as in any other normal and matured relationship. Now, the kind of modification I am talking about is the type where when you were single you can eat out every night if you want, but once married, there should be some restraint and more effort in preparing a good wholesome meal at home. More of the relationship nurturing bits of it all. Not the unnecessary plastic surgery kinds. But whatever makes you happy…

The fact is, once you have committed yourselves to the one (or two or three or even four for some people who can really handle it well) there should always be effort in maintaining the health and well-being of the relationship. Without the help of someone like me…

At the end of the day, it would not have happened if the man had not entertained her wiles and her love of being loved.

But while in love, mind games are fun to play. So, as long as both parties are willing, why not? And if one of you gets tired of it and want a more stable and healthy environment in which to nurture this new phase, make it known. I’m sure it can easily be rectified, if the partner is willing. But if he or she still wants to continue, maybe he or she is unwell and need to see the right kind of help. If you find that this is the kind of relationship that is most gratifying, feel free to pursue it even further. If you feel that you have the energy to invest in this, go on, but if not, move on. The feelings won’t be the same undoubtedly, but life is ever-changing, so don’t be afraid of something new, because it might be even more rewarding than the previous one.