stumped

Am I afraid of commitment?
Hell, no.

Do I have daddy issues?
I have no idea. But I don’t think so.

Do I talk too much, but too scared to take the plunge myself?
I guess. But I need to vent. Plunge myself into what?

Should I get a life?
I have one already. I might not be too hot for it, but I am okay with it for the time being.

Do I hate men?
*sigh*
No. I don’t hate them. I used to want to be like them. Not the sexual part of it. I used to want to be like them in terms of being strong, courageous, adventurous, independent, dependable and stable. Not anymore since I realized I can do all that and still be a lady.
It just f*cks me up when they start pointing fingers at us when something bad happens in a relationship like they are 100% blameless.
I don’t claim that women aren’t to blame at all. Some are really f*cked up and deserves to be impaled and put on display. But most of the women I know have made enough sacrifices in their lives to grant them the love and understanding of the men around them. That’s all.
Yeah, I do get all worked up when I think you’re being unfair to us because God never made a perfect man or woman so we’d need each other, no matter how much we hate each other’s guts sometimes. So quit pointing fingers at us women.

Am I desperate?
For a miserable long-term relationship with a man who doesn’t love me?
No.
For a stable long-term commitment that will grow and grow into something better and better with a man who had the patience to deal with me and all my craziness and jumbo-sized everything but at the same time have the willingness and courage to tell me that I am f*cked up and need to get my sh*t in order and be with me through the tough times even if all he could do was being silent?
Yes. But he’s taken. I can’t have that. But I’m still alive, so I am not rushing anything.

What’s going on?
Nothing. That’s the problem. It exists, but it’s not alive. Why am I bothering?

I am super marah and super benci about something but I can’t reach the dénouement because someone wishes to be a tree stump instead of being what he should be.