help

Some entries are really hard to write.

Because no matter how much editing is done, it will reflect back on you and what you are as a person, and as a person who practices my profession. It’s hard to convince people that my shortcomings in my personal life do not reflect who I am as a worker. Doing what I do, it is easy to forget that I too am human, who sometimes makes mistakes, big and little, and I too, am capable of losing my mind when I am faced with certain kinds of adversity. The good thing about people like me in whatever profession, is we deliver, regardless of the kinds of sh*t we have to go through each day, no matter how emotionally debilitating they might be.

There are days when I wish I don’t have to get out of bed. Feeling drained and emotionally empty. But thinking how ruinous it would be for a day of my absence, I still trudge on.

I am not saying that I am the epitome of discipline and commitment. I’m not. But I do my best and I am always willing to make the extra effort to be better because many are depending on me to be the strong one; the one who puts her foot down when handling all of the nonsense life throws at her. A person of reference. A foster parent. At least thinking of myself this way helps me to get out of bed every morning. My lifeline.

If not, I might have slit my wrist quite a while ago.

What a DQ…

Does anyone know how it feels like to have done everything in your power to do your best at work but still go home feeling useless?

Right this moment, work has managed to fill some of the voids left by these ‘stuff’ that I have yet achieved. So that urge to put out my own light has been kept at bay. I might be able to do that for the rest of my life, granted, I am able to write about it and put everything in perspective and really allow myself to see the causes of my bouts of depression when I am away from work.

But if this thing I am having gets worse as I get older, I might need more than writing to help myself. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it. But for now, I have my job, the kids at school and this blog to help me get through my days.

Don’t mind me deleting bad comments. It’s just a matter of either you or me.