Love. Love. Love.
Love food blogs with very professionally taken photos. And there are millions out there.
Especially the ones where they show you how the end product is produced.
MmmmmmMMmmMMmmMmmmm...
Showing posts with label stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stuff. Show all posts
Sunday, April 26, 2009
vibe
Too used being the one in control. Not due to the fact that I am a control freak. More of a 'if you want something done well, do it yourself' kind of thing. But sometimes, I do wonder how it feels like to have someone strong and confident taking over the reigns and tell me with conviction, these words that I want to hear so much; "Don't worry, honey. Everything will be OK. I've got you."
Being independent and in control of most of the things in my life does have its disadvantages. No one who approaches me in my workplace or my daily life is up to par. Or have the guts, or the will, or the need to approach me the way I need them to.
This is not desperation. Just a realization that unless I change the kind of vibe I am emanating from my person, I will just have to move away to someplace new and start over with the personality bit.
It's all in the vibe, baby.
Being independent and in control of most of the things in my life does have its disadvantages. No one who approaches me in my workplace or my daily life is up to par. Or have the guts, or the will, or the need to approach me the way I need them to.
This is not desperation. Just a realization that unless I change the kind of vibe I am emanating from my person, I will just have to move away to someplace new and start over with the personality bit.
It's all in the vibe, baby.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
crush
Watch him in action on BBC's Judge John Deed at 8pm every Saturday then you will know what I mean.
If you agree that some men do get better with age, like wine (ack!) then he just might be one of the better specimen.
If you agree that some men do get better with age, like wine (ack!) then he just might be one of the better specimen.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
abaikan
Ye, kadang-kadang ada datang time aku tak center sikit, mula la merapu kat blog.
It's my blog and I'll rant if I want to, rant if I want to, raaaaant if I want to.
You would blog too, if it happened to you.....
Try saying that like singing that song that goes like this;
It's my party and I'd cry if I want to, cry if I want to...
You would cry too, if it happened to you...
Silalah, abaikan entry yang tak perlu tu.
It's my blog and I'll rant if I want to, rant if I want to, raaaaant if I want to.
You would blog too, if it happened to you.....
Try saying that like singing that song that goes like this;
It's my party and I'd cry if I want to, cry if I want to...
You would cry too, if it happened to you...
Silalah, abaikan entry yang tak perlu tu.
sorry
What is it about women and age?
What is it about women who lie about their age? Don't they know that if they are 45, but tell people they are 30-something, they would only seem to be like a very old 30-something? A very badly aging woman?
No matter how good you look for your age, you are meant to look your age. Although your behaviour and general outlook in life does help in making you look younger, there are subtle changes in a woman's features that will differentiate her from the other women in the different decades of their lives.
My mom is 63, but when she dresses up and makes herself up, she looks 50 or even younger. She never lies about her age. As a matter of fact, she would always be delighted to make people guess how old she is, usually younger than she really is, before finally revealing it to them to see the reaction on their faces. I am actually proud that my mom really does look good for her age. Well, she never had any HRT and she does not go to spas. She just doesn't look her age.
As for me, I know for a fact that I don't act my age. Even though I do admit that the energy level is not the way it used to be, not for a very long time, but it had not been at the worst. I don't dress like a punked up grubby little punkster, but outside of work, I keep it simple for the most part, usually T and jeans. I have had my fair share of people mistaking me for someone younger. I guess being a happy, carefree, immature woman has its merits. Huahahaha!
The truth is, age had never been a big deal for me, whether it is other people's or mine. I don't see getting old as a bad thing. In fact, I can't wait to be 4o and see how I will be at that age. I honestly do. My teens and twenties were OK but not up to my expectations. My thirties, I hope will be better.
I even like men who are older. Can you see how being old or older does not mean anything negative to me? The way I see it, people hate getting old, because of the youth-worshipping media, biological clocks and simply because they will shrivel up, lose a lot of control over their physical self and eventually die at the end of it. Sure, no one can see the bright side of that other than making room for the next generation, but hey, if you have done the best you can while you were alive and made all the contributions you can within your time limits, what is there to complain about? Leave with your dignity still intact. Isn't that how it is supposed to be anyway?
But the fact is, we have to be patient. We all have to be patient when it comes to age and ageing. Including me.
However, it is extremely insensitive of me to not realize that not everyone can share my sentiments on this issue.
Here's the thing, I like saying "Yelah, sejak dah tua ni... bla bla bla...". I joke about my age. I joke about the perils of growing older and shriveling up into an unappetizing prune of my former self (Even though I am totally aware how gebiew I am no matter how people associate getting old with wrinkling up. Being a fatty does have its merits, see?) because I truly don't mind growing old and don't mind people saying I am old.
So there I was, last Friday, joking with an older colleague of mine whom I totally respect, about her being older, simply by saying "Orang tua ni...." in front of some strangers. If I were her, I would have just said "Budak gemuk ni..." right back at me. But she is not as quick-tongued as I am, and she is the prim and proper and private type. She keeps most things to herself, unlike me whose life is an open book. She just laughed it off. Later in the afternoon, I got a text message from her telling me how hurt she was from my remark.
There. I have hurt someone's feelings again. Just because I was comfortable with her, that was no excuse to embarrass her in front of some strangers. That was so insensitive of me. I have apologized. I know how it feels like, even when you know that the other person is just joking. I do have a sensitive part. So I totally understand how hurt she was when I said that, especially in front of strangers. Even if you'd like to think those people don't really care about what they heard, because they probably thought we were a bunch of selamba people who doesn't get beat down easily by these things. Still, she is a colleague whom I have great respect for and whose feelings and opinions I value. I am glad she had the guts to say it to me even via text, rather than say things behind my back because that way, I could correct myself and apologize for my mistakes.
I'm very sorry, kak. Like I said, I can't promise because I have a foot-in-mouth disease. But I promise to try very hard not to do that again.
The moral of the story is, you know the moral of the story.
What is it about women who lie about their age? Don't they know that if they are 45, but tell people they are 30-something, they would only seem to be like a very old 30-something? A very badly aging woman?
No matter how good you look for your age, you are meant to look your age. Although your behaviour and general outlook in life does help in making you look younger, there are subtle changes in a woman's features that will differentiate her from the other women in the different decades of their lives.
My mom is 63, but when she dresses up and makes herself up, she looks 50 or even younger. She never lies about her age. As a matter of fact, she would always be delighted to make people guess how old she is, usually younger than she really is, before finally revealing it to them to see the reaction on their faces. I am actually proud that my mom really does look good for her age. Well, she never had any HRT and she does not go to spas. She just doesn't look her age.
As for me, I know for a fact that I don't act my age. Even though I do admit that the energy level is not the way it used to be, not for a very long time, but it had not been at the worst. I don't dress like a punked up grubby little punkster, but outside of work, I keep it simple for the most part, usually T and jeans. I have had my fair share of people mistaking me for someone younger. I guess being a happy, carefree, immature woman has its merits. Huahahaha!
The truth is, age had never been a big deal for me, whether it is other people's or mine. I don't see getting old as a bad thing. In fact, I can't wait to be 4o and see how I will be at that age. I honestly do. My teens and twenties were OK but not up to my expectations. My thirties, I hope will be better.
I even like men who are older. Can you see how being old or older does not mean anything negative to me? The way I see it, people hate getting old, because of the youth-worshipping media, biological clocks and simply because they will shrivel up, lose a lot of control over their physical self and eventually die at the end of it. Sure, no one can see the bright side of that other than making room for the next generation, but hey, if you have done the best you can while you were alive and made all the contributions you can within your time limits, what is there to complain about? Leave with your dignity still intact. Isn't that how it is supposed to be anyway?
But the fact is, we have to be patient. We all have to be patient when it comes to age and ageing. Including me.
However, it is extremely insensitive of me to not realize that not everyone can share my sentiments on this issue.
Here's the thing, I like saying "Yelah, sejak dah tua ni... bla bla bla...". I joke about my age. I joke about the perils of growing older and shriveling up into an unappetizing prune of my former self (Even though I am totally aware how gebiew I am no matter how people associate getting old with wrinkling up. Being a fatty does have its merits, see?) because I truly don't mind growing old and don't mind people saying I am old.
So there I was, last Friday, joking with an older colleague of mine whom I totally respect, about her being older, simply by saying "Orang tua ni...." in front of some strangers. If I were her, I would have just said "Budak gemuk ni..." right back at me. But she is not as quick-tongued as I am, and she is the prim and proper and private type. She keeps most things to herself, unlike me whose life is an open book. She just laughed it off. Later in the afternoon, I got a text message from her telling me how hurt she was from my remark.
There. I have hurt someone's feelings again. Just because I was comfortable with her, that was no excuse to embarrass her in front of some strangers. That was so insensitive of me. I have apologized. I know how it feels like, even when you know that the other person is just joking. I do have a sensitive part. So I totally understand how hurt she was when I said that, especially in front of strangers. Even if you'd like to think those people don't really care about what they heard, because they probably thought we were a bunch of selamba people who doesn't get beat down easily by these things. Still, she is a colleague whom I have great respect for and whose feelings and opinions I value. I am glad she had the guts to say it to me even via text, rather than say things behind my back because that way, I could correct myself and apologize for my mistakes.
I'm very sorry, kak. Like I said, I can't promise because I have a foot-in-mouth disease. But I promise to try very hard not to do that again.
The moral of the story is, you know the moral of the story.
grey area
May I have some cheese? To go with the whine, I mean.
The art of making a man do a woman's bidding is a skill I have yet to master. I am just not ruthless when it comes to men. I think that's because I started dating rather late; 29 is late. No one can say otherwise. And at that age, I have skipped all that game playing and therefore have arrived at a place where all I want is someone who is ready to make the same commitment as I do in a long-term, well more like life-long, relationship.
I don't understand men. I don't know how to work them. I don't like playing games. I'm a failure.
If it is not because of what we call social conventions, I would have been happier being single for the rest of my life, find a sperm donor or two and just spend the rest of my life with a couple of kids and a live-in real-life dildo. (I am so laughing my ass off and rolling on the floor as I write this part)
Gosh... I am in no way saying that I am against the Islamic way of married life. Not at all. I do wish that I can find someone with the same goals in mind and actually be able to commit myself to this. But as I have said before, I am such a failure in this game that I think the best thing for me would be what I have described above. However, saying what I have said does not mean that is the way of life I am planning on pursuing.
I asked this ustaz at school the other day; what if a Muslim woman simply gave up on finding a mate after having done her best? His answer was; if she can keep her urges in check, and not cause herself any harm, there is no sin in her choice of being on her own for the rest of her life. That was a good answer. I hope he didn't just say that to make me happy because at least someone agrees with me in that.
I envy these women who can figure out their men or simply, men in general, and know exactly to make them do their bidding. I really do. But I pity the men who end up with the snakes. While I think it is an art, abusing it is a whole different thing.
Humans have evolved. They have advanced themselves so much, over-analyzed everything that nothing is simple anymore. Everything is f*cking complicated with relationships being at the top of the list.
I'm happy to see how some of my school friends have found their life companion and seem to lead happy and uncomplicated lives together. I don't keep up with them, so I'll never know if they did play that game. You know, that complicated dating games you keep seeing in TV shows like Friends and Sex and the City and especially the latest movie, He's Just Not That Into You. Nor am I interested in knowing.
As far as I have gone in my life and realized a lot of things, and overanalyzed most things in life, sometimes, I do wish that I could go back to being an untainted innocent; whose mind never even thought about going beyind the Barbie girl image; be happy and the world will be happy with you. So I tried remembering when did I start being so complicated... I can't. I don't remember seeing everything in a simpler light. Everything started being complicated from such an early age. Of course, I even started thinking about relationships when I was in primary school. I had a mental list of how he should be even from then. I carried that list with me, somewhere at the back of my mind from that time. I never acted on it, simply because the kind of man I had envisioned to be my life-long partner was way older than my school mates and far more successful and calm and mature and ... just everything they are not.
Being a total slob of a tomboy did not help matters at all. Being a late bloomer just made it worse. Being labelled a lesbian at that age just sent me to hell. When I came back, I was less than normal. I blame everything on myself and doomed myself to a life alone. Which I find appealing most of the time, seeing how complicated this whole dating thing is.
So, was it my fault for not playing that game these highly evolved people play when they are dating? Was it my fault, not playing hard to get when it first bloomed? Or is it just him, being old and tired of the game himself that he became comfortable and complacent?
Is it too much of me if I decide that as much as you want to teach me new tricks, you should learn a few new ones from me too? I don't think so. But he seems to think so.
Perhaps it is unfair to say these things here before discussing any of it with him, but we don't talk. Not about work, especially not about us. Hey, I feel like Men@ Suv@ri in that movie with J@son Biggs, where she was in this relationship with her professor (ho was obviously taking advantage of her) just to realize it later on and finally accepting this relationship with the younger guy, because he truly does love her. I feel like that. Except the part where there is a younger guy waiting in the sidelines. I don't have that younger guy waiting in the sidelines.
I once told someone that rather than pining for someone we are so much in love with but does not feel the same about us, we should just ditch that loser and be with the person who is madly in love with us, even if we don't feel 100% about that guy (I mean the mutual attraction he has for you) because in the end, the feelings will come and it will be all much more worth it. I strongly believe in that, but that's for young and cute girls. Not someone my age.
Is there still hope for me? I am hopeful although I can't promise that that came out of my endless and brimming optimism. Why am I hopeful anyway? I don't know. I am just hopeful because I believe that everyone is made for someone and I haven't met mine yet. One day, after all the sh*t in my life is sorted out, I will be ready to settle down, but I'm not ready to settle. I don't think I am asking too much. Just someone old enough and calm enough to handle the fire within.
I am not gonna bother reading this again before I hit the Publish button. Maybe I will come back later to correct the grammar later, but rereading it now, will only make me change my mind. Anyway, I don't mean to whine. I am just writing down what I have in mind about this whole thing.
And why am I going on with this charade of happiness with him instead of just putting out the tiny flame between my thumb and forefinger? I am not sure if it is desperation on my part or pity, because he has been nothing but nice to me, and I don't see why I should break it to him the way I had pictured in my mind a million times. I just don't see why I should do that to him. I don't see him necessarily hurting me on purpose, he's old, busy and tired of it all. Besides, I don't have someone else waiting for me.
It's not something that is easy for me to explain. Don't judge me unless you have ever found yourself in my situation and found it a pleasant experience to just tell someone off when he's been nothing but nice to you.
I used to be an idealist. There is black, there is white, there is no grey. It took me a long while to realize that most of the issues we have to deal with in life lies in the grey. You like something, you stay, you don't, you walk away.
He definitely lies in the grey.
Notice that I am not asking what I should do because I know what it is I should do.
p/s : Please don't look at this entry as me pitying myself. I am trying to be pragmatic about the whole thing, so bear with me, okay?
Friday, February 13, 2009
how do you see me?
"Writers and poets try to understand the truth about woman, but until today they have never understood of her heart. For they look at her through the veil of desire and see only the shape of her body. And they look at her through the magnifying glass of self-love and find in her only weakness and submission.
–Kahlil Gibran."
–Kahlil Gibran."
Thursday, February 12, 2009
2 billion
There is a voyeur in all of us. That's why reading other people's blog is fun. They let us in into their lives and we find comfort in the fact that we are not all that strange because there are people just like us out there.
It's naive to think that our problems are unique to us and happens only to us and that no one understands us.
This is what I want my kids at school to understand. Difference in decades and eras do not make too huge of a difference to me because most of the time, it's just about the chemicals in the brain. Not all the time, most of the time. Special cases will get special attention. Counseling, drugs, whatever...
However, all that clinical stuff aside, honestly, ten years from now, will the same teenage problems still bother you? Do you really think there is no light at the end of the tunnel? Come on, 2 billion people in the whole wide world and this problem of yours only happens to you and nobody else? Seriously...
Snap out of it.
Is this irony? I hated my teenage years. It was traumatic, to say the least (there's the DQ talking) and I wanted so much for it to end as soon as possible. Ten years later, here I am, neck deep in teenage problems, which will probably where I will be for the next two decades or so.
It's naive to think that our problems are unique to us and happens only to us and that no one understands us.
This is what I want my kids at school to understand. Difference in decades and eras do not make too huge of a difference to me because most of the time, it's just about the chemicals in the brain. Not all the time, most of the time. Special cases will get special attention. Counseling, drugs, whatever...
However, all that clinical stuff aside, honestly, ten years from now, will the same teenage problems still bother you? Do you really think there is no light at the end of the tunnel? Come on, 2 billion people in the whole wide world and this problem of yours only happens to you and nobody else? Seriously...
Snap out of it.
Is this irony? I hated my teenage years. It was traumatic, to say the least (there's the DQ talking) and I wanted so much for it to end as soon as possible. Ten years later, here I am, neck deep in teenage problems, which will probably where I will be for the next two decades or so.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
bongok
Dulu masa aku praktikum kat SMK Undang Luak Jelebu tahun 1999 dulu, tuan rumah aku tu ada kucing, namanya Bongok. Dia comel, tapi entry ni bukan pasal kucing tu...
What the f*ck?!?!
Wadefak wadefak wadefak wadefaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!
Wadefak....
I love lilytheliverbird's blog and I always read it. I can't anymore. Yet another victim of dear Peot Zedorek, she has since privatised her blog. And I am not the type to beg for entrance because I never said anything on her comment box, tetiba dahkena privatise tu lah nak bertegur sapanya. Sungguh plastik itu. It's her blog, she's got the right to privatise it, regardless of what I think. Siapa yang tak sakit hati kalau ada orang buat macam tu pasal blog kita.
I don't understand her problem with all these blogs. Tak suka, jangan baca. No one invited you for a reading session.
The thing is, these people know exactly what they are doing and the consequences. They write about it because they can. Why can't we just leave them be? Who are we to judge? Confirm ke, kita ngutuk orang ni, kita ada setapak lot untuk buat rumah kat syurga tu? Why do people like Peot Zedorek have to come along and ruin my voyeuristic fetish? Cewah... motif sangat...
Kalau begitulah gaya Rasulullah berdakwah dulu, rasanya ada ke orang nak masuk Islam?
Tapi kan... nak kata dia berdakwah, di jalan Allah, tak juga. Nak kata dia nak bagi nasihat... jauh sekali. Sekadarnya mengutuk orang dan kemampuan menggunakan bahasa penjajah tu kaedahnya. Tapi memang kelakar la, dia punya contoh tu. Kalau aku ada student macam salah seorang mangsa dia tu, suka je aku nak suruh buat essay je manjang, buat bahan bacaan hiburan. But the thing is, yang empunya blog tu pun, kuat semangat la sikit. And think, walaupun ramai yang berada di pihak minah sorang tu, tak semestinya semua your readers are on her side. Cuma kami malas nak terjun into the pig sty and bergelut with the pigs. You will only get dirtier sebab orang macam itu, pandai kutuk orang tapi bila diri sendiri kena kutuk, habis la satu kampung diharuknya...
Alih-alih esok, si LeeUK pulak. Memang dia terlampau. But that is his life. TT-Ad dah kena dah, but at least he had the strength to persevere. Si Kenny Sia pun kena. What the hell? Womanizer ke boyadarater ke, I don't care! Their entries are much more original and livelier than yours! Narcissism galore ke hapa ke, bukan dia mintak hang duit beli DSLR depa, or bayar bill Streamyx.
Damn damn damn damn damn!
Aku berpegang kepada prinsip, kalau tak nak berdakwah, usahla mengutuk. Sebuas mana pun orang, kalau tak membunuh sesama sendiri, what they do is up to them. Mereka pun manusia yang ada hati dan perasaan juga.
Entahlah, I like visiting these blogs as a silent reader. How many more blogs will become her victim pun I don't really know. I guess I better get back to reading real books then, rather than reading real-life stories and enjoying beautiful photos for a while only to be denied entry once I am hooked.
Alih-alih blog aku pulak la jadi mangsa sebab kununnya memperjuangkan hak asasi blogger la kan? Taklah, siapalah aku di dunia blog ni. Dengan pembaca 4 orang yang amat aku sayangi. But the thing is, even if the blog world is a free world la kekdahnya, tak seornoknya lah melintas kat blog yang sebegitu. Oleh yang demikian, I don't go there anymore. Tak sanggup la nengok orang kena kupas and put on display without them knowing until it is too late. Sebab aku tengok semua benda tak boleh buat dalam kamus blogging dia. So, apa yang boleh?
Mengutuk blog orang?
What the f*ck?!?!
Wadefak wadefak wadefak wadefaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!
Wadefak....
I love lilytheliverbird's blog and I always read it. I can't anymore. Yet another victim of dear Peot Zedorek, she has since privatised her blog. And I am not the type to beg for entrance because I never said anything on her comment box, tetiba dahkena privatise tu lah nak bertegur sapanya. Sungguh plastik itu. It's her blog, she's got the right to privatise it, regardless of what I think. Siapa yang tak sakit hati kalau ada orang buat macam tu pasal blog kita.
I don't understand her problem with all these blogs. Tak suka, jangan baca. No one invited you for a reading session.
The thing is, these people know exactly what they are doing and the consequences. They write about it because they can. Why can't we just leave them be? Who are we to judge? Confirm ke, kita ngutuk orang ni, kita ada setapak lot untuk buat rumah kat syurga tu? Why do people like Peot Zedorek have to come along and ruin my voyeuristic fetish? Cewah... motif sangat...
Kalau begitulah gaya Rasulullah berdakwah dulu, rasanya ada ke orang nak masuk Islam?
Tapi kan... nak kata dia berdakwah, di jalan Allah, tak juga. Nak kata dia nak bagi nasihat... jauh sekali. Sekadarnya mengutuk orang dan kemampuan menggunakan bahasa penjajah tu kaedahnya. Tapi memang kelakar la, dia punya contoh tu. Kalau aku ada student macam salah seorang mangsa dia tu, suka je aku nak suruh buat essay je manjang, buat bahan bacaan hiburan. But the thing is, yang empunya blog tu pun, kuat semangat la sikit. And think, walaupun ramai yang berada di pihak minah sorang tu, tak semestinya semua your readers are on her side. Cuma kami malas nak terjun into the pig sty and bergelut with the pigs. You will only get dirtier sebab orang macam itu, pandai kutuk orang tapi bila diri sendiri kena kutuk, habis la satu kampung diharuknya...
Alih-alih esok, si LeeUK pulak. Memang dia terlampau. But that is his life. TT-Ad dah kena dah, but at least he had the strength to persevere. Si Kenny Sia pun kena. What the hell? Womanizer ke boyadarater ke, I don't care! Their entries are much more original and livelier than yours! Narcissism galore ke hapa ke, bukan dia mintak hang duit beli DSLR depa, or bayar bill Streamyx.
Damn damn damn damn damn!
Aku berpegang kepada prinsip, kalau tak nak berdakwah, usahla mengutuk. Sebuas mana pun orang, kalau tak membunuh sesama sendiri, what they do is up to them. Mereka pun manusia yang ada hati dan perasaan juga.
Entahlah, I like visiting these blogs as a silent reader. How many more blogs will become her victim pun I don't really know. I guess I better get back to reading real books then, rather than reading real-life stories and enjoying beautiful photos for a while only to be denied entry once I am hooked.
Alih-alih blog aku pulak la jadi mangsa sebab kununnya memperjuangkan hak asasi blogger la kan? Taklah, siapalah aku di dunia blog ni. Dengan pembaca 4 orang yang amat aku sayangi. But the thing is, even if the blog world is a free world la kekdahnya, tak seornoknya lah melintas kat blog yang sebegitu. Oleh yang demikian, I don't go there anymore. Tak sanggup la nengok orang kena kupas and put on display without them knowing until it is too late. Sebab aku tengok semua benda tak boleh buat dalam kamus blogging dia. So, apa yang boleh?
Mengutuk blog orang?
saja...
Kalau you all nak kata I bengong, kata la.... I reposted my entry entitled the blues sebab bila bukak kat editting page tu, the entry tak appear in its whole entirety. I cut and pasted the whole thing, editted it and also copy and pasted the comments. Sayang la nak delete entry tu sekali dengan those precious comments.
Itu pun nak bagi tau orang kan?
Hiew hiew hiew....
Itu pun nak bagi tau orang kan?
Hiew hiew hiew....
the blues (re-post)
Originally posted on February 5th, 2009
Editted, because I think even though the blog is not a place to be an English teacher and correcting grammar all the time, it also should not be an excuse to write badly. I was tired that day and didn't really pay attention to the errors as long as I got these off my chest in a flash. Kalau ada salah lagi, lantaklah. Aku letih balik main badminton.
It had been a little bit on the draining side, today. Emotionally.
Maybe it's the time of the month, (in my case that time of the year) or maybe it really was an emotionally draining day. Why do I always let myself get carried away with work? I don't know. I simply love some of the aspects of my job that I feel the need to be very involved with everything that is going on. Sometimes I don't realize what was happening to me, mentally, until I come home and have my 'me' time.
It started out as a normal morning. Lately, I have been a little lazy. Maybe this time, my periods make me feel a little weak and lethargic. They are never the same. Sometimes I have tons of energy, sometimes I get gassy, sometimes I get pre-period diarrhea, sometimes I get the cramps in the most inappropriate places of my anatomy, sometimes it lasted just three days, passing me by like a gentle seabreeze. Sometimes it lasts for 14 days, dripping once or twice a day towards the end; never the same. This time it made me wonder about my capacity to be professional in my job instead of being that DQ I have been trying very hard not to revive in any of the occasions at work.
If anyone bothered, they would know that I do not blame my mistakes and shortcomings to the hormones. Women do have their ups and downs, I do too. I even suspect myself of having a mild bipolar condition for having the highest highs and the lowest lows sometimes. But when it comes to work, I have to take that out of the equation as much as I possibly can, so I will be able to make the most impartial decisions. So they won't blame me for being such a DQ later on. A safety check of sorts.
What happened today was supposed to be not a big deal. It wasn't. But I have been able to avoid the tears for a few years now. But today, I cried at work. Not once, but twice! How embarrassing could I have been???
It started out fine, as I said. I have been a little lazy this year. From the beginning of the year, I won't get out of bed until it is 5.20am. I used to wake up before the alarm goes off at 5.00am. I am losing that energy it seems this year. But I am happy to assure you that I have not been late not even once this year. Come to think of it, even throughout the whole of last year. Wow... I am gonna give myself a pat on the back. I have been a chronic late-comer the year before. Reaching school just before the bell rang. I wake up early, but I always get out of the house later than I should. Last year, I realized that being a role-model, I should be a good one. And there is no excuse for me to be late, because there is no traffic jam anywhere in town, and all I have to do is make sure I leave the house at 6.10am. Having young people in your charge does make a person more responsible, I would like to think, therefore, I have never been late again, not even when I slept through the alarm and woke up at the sound of the garbage truck at 5.45am. I showered and even had light make up on before getting into the car at 5 minutes later than usual.
I ramble a lot when I am free-writing, don't I?
Got to school. Punched in... or scanned my fingerprint. Went to my office. It is always alive with activities because the prefects use my office for the PA system in the morning and the head prefect is usually the first one to get there and she has a key. *Gasp!* Well, she is such an able and trustworthy young adult that I would even trust my life with her. Maybe one day I will put her photo up in here. She deserves a spot.
After the morning Negaraku and the daily Dua, I went to have my breakfast at the school canteen as usual. That is the only time I have in the day before it gets really crazy until it is time to leave. It is also the best time for me to mingle with the other teachers who are also free at that particular time of the morning, because my work later will keep me mostly to myself and to the kids and keep me away from them, making me seem distant and in no need of interactions with my co-workers. Then I went back to the office to do some paper work and marked some books and also updated the students' data systems on the desktop.
Then, I went to class; my wonderful 5 Sastera 2 class, whose faces and cheerful and genuine smiles warm my heart. I know they had been little monkeys the year before but all they needed was discipline and structure. Well, all the kids are nice, obedient and good when they are around me. So I rely heavily on the other teachers to keep me updated on who and what they are really capable of in terms of behavior from simple mischief to downright misdemeanor.
It was a nice grammar lesson. I never push them to do more than they can do only to get mad at them later for not being able to complete the task. I will try to kick it up a notch as we progress though. Then it was recess.
At the end of recess, a group of form 2 boys came to my office bringing with them another boy covered in blood. He had a two-inch long cut on the right eyelid, right below the brow. Blood was all over the left side of his face and some dotted his clean white shirt. That boy, a few days earlier, was brought to school by his dad after he received a letter from the school for his sons' absenteeism. His father had asked me to tell him that his dad is gonna be thrown in jail if he doesn't go to school. I assured him that I will tell his boy that and much more and asked him to leave his son with me. I told him everything (that I think a 14 -year-old should) he should know about life and then some. And threw in the jail thing from his dad. I am glad that although he has a tough-looking face, he is such a trusting little boy.
Today, he had been playing in the classroom with a classmate during recess. The rule is, no one should be in the classroom during recess, so there was definitely no playing in the classroom during that time. But it happened anyway. I don't exactly know what happened. But he told me, while they were playing, he was pushed to the wall, and got the cut. It was so close, I am thankful it did not hurt his eye.
Another girl had asked if she could go home because she had been having a throbbing headache since Tuesday. I scolded her for keeping such things to herself for so long. I told her I will not let her go home. Instead I will take her to the village clinic, and then will let her go home if her condition grants her the day off from the MA. I already had my car key in my hand when they took the boy in. I padded his bleeding brow with some tissue paper and took him along.
At the clinic, we went straight in. The MA, being a girly man, was shocked to see him in that state and whispered to me that he will have to stitch that shut. He told the boy to go rest while he attended to the girl. I accompanied the boy in the treatment room right next door and tried to comfort him a little.
He was not disoriented. More like embarrassed to have all that blood all over him. I assured him that everything was gonna be okay and it is normal to have so much blood when one bleeds from a head injury. He didn't want the tetanus shot, let alone the local anesthetics later on. And the stitching that would ensue.
The MA said he doesn't have to stitch it up if the boy doesn't want it. But I do think he needed the cut to be closed because it was gaping and a little too deep to heal quickly on its own. I tried calming the boy down because he started panicking when he saw the tetanus needle looming close. "Come, hold my hand and look at me. Trust me, it will hurt a little bit, but it won't kill you," I said. He moved from side to side in the bed trying to dodge the needle when it got to his upper arm. The attending nurse was worried that he might struggle when the needle was in and break it. That would be a big mess. I squeezed his hands and made him look at me. And then I told him, "Cikgu pun pernah kena jahit dulu kat kepala ni, janganlah takut sangat..., k?"
It was a lie. But he looked at me and calmed down. Then he squeezed my hand and closed his eyes and let the MA give him the tetanus shot.
"Sakit?"
"Sakit jua', sikit-sikitlah."
Then the MA placed a piece of paper with a hole above his wound. He was going to administer the local anesthetic. That paper alone freaked him out again. Again, I had to embellish my little white lie, "Luka kamu ni kalau tak jahit nanti tak hensem la dah baik nanti. Kepala cikgu ni dulu kan, kena paku masa lari-lari bawah rumah, koyak dekat sejengkal, tau? Masa tu cikgu baru 12 tahun. Kena jahit jua', ok je tau? Kamu kan 'rock'... Orang 'rock' mana boleh macam ni, kan?"
At last he calmed down again, "Inda sakit kah, chegu'?"
"Sakitlah sikit masa ia cucuk kasi bius atu, tapi lepas atu nda sakit lagi bah..."
"Iyakah, chegu?"
"Awu, inda percayakah, cakap chegu'? Chegu' selalu menipu kitak kah di sekulah ah?"
"Inda..."
"Bah pigang tangan chegu' kuat-kuat, rileks sikit bah. Jangan takut, chegu' tunggu sampai ia habis jahit, ah?"
"Banarkah inda sakit chegu?"
"Sakit, tapi sikit jak... Inda pulang mati. Tapi kalau inda dijahit, nanti lambat baik, inda hensem lagi pulang tu! Mau kitak kah?"
"Bah..."
The MA covered his right eye with the paper again and I saw how the needle went in and out just like you cucuk daun pisang bungkus lepat tu dengan lidi tajam.... and how the liquid squirted out of the open holes made by the needle. I know it will heal, but it freaked me out, man! I am not the squeamish type, but it's one thing watching a graphic demo of a surgical operation where the doctor seems like melapah daging korban on TV, but watching it happening right in front of your eyes is a totally different thing. Then we waited a few minutes for the LA to work and then came the stitching. Again, he had second thoughts.
"Inda sakit bah, inda berasa lagi tuk..."
"Banar?"
"Banar... "
He held both my hands in both of his and we started talking about why exactly he didn't go to school those times. I watched the MA cucuk his wound with a huge ass needle and I listened to him telling me about going out to sea with his dad to fish and getting money for it. I asked him what he did with the money, he said he saved it. How much do you have now? Hundreds? Nah... Tapi berpuluh jua'lah.... Not bad. (Dalam hati, aku nak menangis, sebab I realized how gigih and cermat he is) But I don't want you to be just a fisherman when you grow up. You should do something more, something better. I'm sure your mom and dad want you to have more than they did in life, so you have to work hard for it. I know, but it's hard, chegu'. I know, dear, but no one ever said anything about life being easy.
All the while, aku sendiri nak pengsan tengok jarum jahitan tu kuar masuk daging kening budak tu. Lutut aku rasa lembik sikit. Tapi him trusting me gave me strength as much as me being there made him brave.
For some reason, at that moment, I tought about wanting my own kids. To have little hands to hold and be brave for and give strength to. A bad time to think about having kids. One should not gauge one's ability to raise children simply based on a day at the clinic with someone else's child.
He had six stitches.
Then the MA gave him some paracetamol as painkillers and antibiotics. Then I took him back to school to get his stuff, because now I have to take him home and personally meet with his parents and explain things to them. I told him to get his stuff from class and be back at my office in 5 minutes.
But in my office, the girl from hell was there with her dad. I'm sorry. I don't mean to label her that way, but compared to the students in my school, she is a full-blown ... I don't want to say the word. But you can guess. She moved to Miri when she was in form 1. Now she is in form 3 and had mixed with the wrong crowd in the city school and now her parents could only see us as the last resort before admitting her to a correctional school which calls for a court order. And another parent was also there, wanting to inform me that his son got the 'kudis buta' again and had been to the hospital for treatment and won't be able to come to school until the abcess that had been impairing his ability to walk, heals. I talked with him for a while and assured him that I will inform the class teacher about it and he can take as much time he needs to get better and was ready to move on to seeing the girl's dad when a student came running to my office and panting, told me that CLI was having fainting spells at the lab. I excused myself and ran to the lab. I saw CLI walking slowly towards me and I went and supported her and took her to my car. The boy was already there and I told a girl who was following me to get my handbag and car key from my office. I sent her home. CLI called in sick the day before. Why did she have to come to work if she didn't feel okay? She's probably like me, feel guilty as I rest every time I call in sick. I dropped her off at her place which was only a moment's drive from school and went straight to the boy's kampung with the boy in tow which was located about 10 minutes from school.
We got there, I parked my car at the lot and we took the boat across the estuary to his house. I met with his parents who were home at the time and explained what happened to them and apologized for the incident. They were very nice, gracious people. And they know me. They all know me, I hope so they know the people at the school are really doing our best, despite the fact.
"Apa dibuatnya chegu'?"
"Kanak-kanak ani' di sekulah, beribun bah. Berlabih pulang."
"Sangka ku ia bergaduh chegu'. Kalau bergaduh, kan ku tambah lagi..."
"Inda bah. Banar, beribun jak tapi lepas atu, berlabih. Anak kampung ani jua lawannya, tapi biar ku jumpa ia di sekulah dulu. Jangan tah kitak marahi ia lagi."
Aku suka la cakap macam orang Brunei. Walaupun tak sama... at least I am trying la kan...? Uhuhu...
I only had a few minutes to chat, because the other parent was still waiting for me in my office.
Still, on the way out another parent came by and enquired about scholarship and hostel allocations. Always tough issues to explain and the boat couldn't have come sooner. I did the best explaining to them and excused myself because I really had to rush back.
I climbed down the ladder into the boat and as we were going back to the other side, the boat guy asked me about school finances. I told him it is best that he talk to the principal about the matter because what I know is insufficient to answer his questions.
Back at school, I spent about half an hour with that parent. I could see it in his face, and in his body language that he is a gentle-hearted father who is at the end of his ropes. That was when he told me that he was thinking about moving her to a correctional school but that would require a court order. I realized what a daunting task lie ahead of me if I decide to take on the challenge. I do not want to make the same mistake I did with H@fifi. I regret it to this day. So I said what I could, in place of the principal who was away in Sibu for a meeting with the Director, and my PK1, who was away in Limbang for another meeting in place of the principal. I said, it is a big job, and I won't promise you anything because as a teacher, I know I am not a miracle worker, because change will only happen when one is ready to do so, and not because of what I do and say to her. Her father just nodded and assured me that he understood and accepted that fact.
But since she had broken the hostel rules, she will not be permitted back into the hostel, unless she shows some kind of improvement in attitude in the next couple of months. I can't take her back as much as her dad needs me to because that decision will kill my wardens. She has proven herself to be a handful from day one. Besides, we had been reserving places for more deserving people and there is still a long qeueu.
With her father there, I talked a little bit to her, but when she played with a strand of fallen hair, I took it out of her hand and asked her to look at me. She refused, so I took her hand in mine and refused to let go as she tried jerking it away. I finally let go when she started crying and looking at me with such hatred and anger. She stood up and stormed out of my office, slammed her fist on the open door. Her father apologized for her behavior. But I told him, it's okay. One of my older brother was exactly like her.
He is planning to move back to Lawas in April so he thought moving her to this school would be a fresh start for her. I am sad to say that she had not been the easiest person to deal with these past month. But he's been expecting that, I guess, because he agreed with me totally. His demeanor was total trust. I could see him close to giving up on her. But I know he won't, because parents, no matter how close they feel to the edge, never takes that jump when it comes to their children.
After her left, I went to the school library, right next to my office. After they left, I suddenly felt something dark and heavy looming over my whole being. I needed a distraction. I started talking to Hsnh, who is the library teacher and she was there rearranging some magazines. But out of the blue, I started sobbing. Right in the middle of a sentence! It was so silly of me and embarrassing too. No one had seen me cry for years and I broke that record today.
Madie came looking for me as I was trying to regain control of my sobs. Earlier in the morning, he had asked me to sign some documents in place of the principal and the PK1. I returned to my office and found the thick documents all neatly clipped together on the pile of papers I had left when the boys came running to see me with the bleeding boy. He stood by my desk, fixing my rubber stamp, reinking the self-inking pad and making trial stamps on a discarded phone bill envelope to make sure there was not too much ink on the pad that would blotch up the documents, (or he'll have to re-do them) while I cried huge tears and sobbing non-stop. Great big sobs as I signed pages and pages of documents, trying hard to make out what I was signing in between the tears. Was I glad I had that plastic coating mascara on, or it I would have looked like a harlequin with wet mascara trickling down my cheeks.
Tried stopping. I did stop. But I started crying again and again each time I stopped. He probably could see my embarrassment, so he excused himself promising to come back in a little while to get the papers. Then Mrln stopped by and saw my red nose and puffy eyes. I had already stopped sufficiently to dry my cheeks and tried breathing in between residual sobs.
I was a mess. But it felt like a release of some sort. But it was strange because I was not feeling stressed out at all. Mrln was waiting to go to her class upstairs so she stayed a while and we talked for a little while. I was calm again when it was time for my last class of the day before school was over.
When class was over, it was time for a meeting with the Lemb@g@ Hit@m Berbulu Leb@t. Eh, no, silap. Lemb@g@ Disiplin. I called the meeting over the PA system. We all gathered in the PS. Everyone talked and had their say. Then as I was in the middle on my say, it happened again.
Great huge, heaving sobs that choked me. Attractive... very attractive.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!
I know I freaked them out seeing me like that. But it just overwhelmed me to see how committed to their jobs in the committee this year.
I can't help feeling so very grateful after having been left to fend for myself last year after the fiasco with the Kelantanese lunatic bitch. Yes, I have been burned by her big time, I had to say that she is from Kelantan. I am sure the rest of the Kelantan people are very normal, law abiding and great contributors to the society. She just happens to be all that, just a little on the lunatic side. And she hides it well, because I am the only one who knows about that side of her. Anyway, she won, simply because I am the barbaric fat bitch, and she is the little ustazah. Who would you save when the boat is sinking?
I am just glad that things are looking up this year. And it was probably my hormones wreaking havoc in my system. It took me a few seconds to compose myself. The meeting lasted a few more minutes before we adjourned.
I needed to get home. Mrln and Lnd already left with Hnr earlier. The counsellor asked if she could hitch a ride with me home. So with her in tow, I sped off back to town, overtaking all the other teachers who left before I did. Dropped her off at her place and went to the clinic to get some calamine lotion because I have been having some itchy red spots on my thighs and I have no idea where they come from.
Came home, showered and slapped on the lotion all over my legs and fell asleep as it was drying.
I am gonna have some problem sleeping tonight, because I slept for two and a half hours straight. It was awesome!
I'm sure what happened to me today happens to everyone in this field. But this is my personal experience. I want to be reminded of these moments when I lose focus of why I love this job so much and feel useless during my low lows. I hope nothing I write in here will get me into trouble with anyone. If you feel that I might, please tell me.
Long and winding, I know. But I never said, Please Read, did I? But thanks for reading anyway. Me luve you long taim....!!!
:-)
Maybe it's the time of the month, (in my case that time of the year) or maybe it really was an emotionally draining day. Why do I always let myself get carried away with work? I don't know. I simply love some of the aspects of my job that I feel the need to be very involved with everything that is going on. Sometimes I don't realize what was happening to me, mentally, until I come home and have my 'me' time.
It started out as a normal morning. Lately, I have been a little lazy. Maybe this time, my periods make me feel a little weak and lethargic. They are never the same. Sometimes I have tons of energy, sometimes I get gassy, sometimes I get pre-period diarrhea, sometimes I get the cramps in the most inappropriate places of my anatomy, sometimes it lasted just three days, passing me by like a gentle seabreeze. Sometimes it lasts for 14 days, dripping once or twice a day towards the end; never the same. This time it made me wonder about my capacity to be professional in my job instead of being that DQ I have been trying very hard not to revive in any of the occasions at work.
If anyone bothered, they would know that I do not blame my mistakes and shortcomings to the hormones. Women do have their ups and downs, I do too. I even suspect myself of having a mild bipolar condition for having the highest highs and the lowest lows sometimes. But when it comes to work, I have to take that out of the equation as much as I possibly can, so I will be able to make the most impartial decisions. So they won't blame me for being such a DQ later on. A safety check of sorts.
What happened today was supposed to be not a big deal. It wasn't. But I have been able to avoid the tears for a few years now. But today, I cried at work. Not once, but twice! How embarrassing could I have been???
It started out fine, as I said. I have been a little lazy this year. From the beginning of the year, I won't get out of bed until it is 5.20am. I used to wake up before the alarm goes off at 5.00am. I am losing that energy it seems this year. But I am happy to assure you that I have not been late not even once this year. Come to think of it, even throughout the whole of last year. Wow... I am gonna give myself a pat on the back. I have been a chronic late-comer the year before. Reaching school just before the bell rang. I wake up early, but I always get out of the house later than I should. Last year, I realized that being a role-model, I should be a good one. And there is no excuse for me to be late, because there is no traffic jam anywhere in town, and all I have to do is make sure I leave the house at 6.10am. Having young people in your charge does make a person more responsible, I would like to think, therefore, I have never been late again, not even when I slept through the alarm and woke up at the sound of the garbage truck at 5.45am. I showered and even had light make up on before getting into the car at 5 minutes later than usual.
I ramble a lot when I am free-writing, don't I?
Got to school. Punched in... or scanned my fingerprint. Went to my office. It is always alive with activities because the prefects use my office for the PA system in the morning and the head prefect is usually the first one to get there and she has a key. *Gasp!* Well, she is such an able and trustworthy young adult that I would even trust my life with her. Maybe one day I will put her photo up in here. She deserves a spot.
After the morning Negaraku and the daily Dua, I went to have my breakfast at the school canteen as usual. That is the only time I have in the day before it gets really crazy until it is time to leave. It is also the best time for me to mingle with the other teachers who are also free at that particular time of the morning, because my work later will keep me mostly to myself and to the kids and keep me away from them, making me seem distant and in no need of interactions with my co-workers. Then I went back to the office to do some paper work and marked some books and also updated the students' data systems on the desktop.
Then, I went to class; my wonderful 5 Sastera 2 class, whose faces and cheerful and genuine smiles warm my heart. I know they had been little monkeys the year before but all they needed was discipline and structure. Well, all the kids are nice, obedient and good when they are around me. So I rely heavily on the other teachers to keep me updated on who and what they are really capable of in terms of behavior from simple mischief to downright misdemeanor.
It was a nice grammar lesson. I never push them to do more than they can do only to get mad at them later for not being able to complete the task. I will try to kick it up a notch as we progress though. Then it was recess.
At the end of recess, a group of form 2 boys came to my office bringing with them another boy covered in blood. He had a two-inch long cut on the right eyelid, right below the brow. Blood was all over the left side of his face and some dotted his clean white shirt. That boy, a few days earlier, was brought to school by his dad after he received a letter from the school for his sons' absenteeism. His father had asked me to tell him that his dad is gonna be thrown in jail if he doesn't go to school. I assured him that I will tell his boy that and much more and asked him to leave his son with me. I told him everything (that I think a 14 -year-old should) he should know about life and then some. And threw in the jail thing from his dad. I am glad that although he has a tough-looking face, he is such a trusting little boy.
Today, he had been playing in the classroom with a classmate during recess. The rule is, no one should be in the classroom during recess, so there was definitely no playing in the classroom during that time. But it happened anyway. I don't exactly know what happened. But he told me, while they were playing, he was pushed to the wall, and got the cut. It was so close, I am thankful it did not hurt his eye.
Another girl had asked if she could go home because she had been having a throbbing headache since Tuesday. I scolded her for keeping such things to herself for so long. I told her I will not let her go home. Instead I will take her to the village clinic, and then will let her go home if her condition grants her the day off from the MA. I already had my car key in my hand when they took the boy in. I padded his bleeding brow with some tissue paper and took him along.
At the clinic, we went straight in. The MA, being a girly man, was shocked to see him in that state and whispered to me that he will have to stitch that shut. He told the boy to go rest while he attended to the girl. I accompanied the boy in the treatment room right next door and tried to comfort him a little.
He was not disoriented. More like embarrassed to have all that blood all over him. I assured him that everything was gonna be okay and it is normal to have so much blood when one bleeds from a head injury. He didn't want the tetanus shot, let alone the local anesthetics later on. And the stitching that would ensue.
The MA said he doesn't have to stitch it up if the boy doesn't want it. But I do think he needed the cut to be closed because it was gaping and a little too deep to heal quickly on its own. I tried calming the boy down because he started panicking when he saw the tetanus needle looming close. "Come, hold my hand and look at me. Trust me, it will hurt a little bit, but it won't kill you," I said. He moved from side to side in the bed trying to dodge the needle when it got to his upper arm. The attending nurse was worried that he might struggle when the needle was in and break it. That would be a big mess. I squeezed his hands and made him look at me. And then I told him, "Cikgu pun pernah kena jahit dulu kat kepala ni, janganlah takut sangat..., k?"
It was a lie. But he looked at me and calmed down. Then he squeezed my hand and closed his eyes and let the MA give him the tetanus shot.
"Sakit?"
"Sakit jua', sikit-sikitlah."
Then the MA placed a piece of paper with a hole above his wound. He was going to administer the local anesthetic. That paper alone freaked him out again. Again, I had to embellish my little white lie, "Luka kamu ni kalau tak jahit nanti tak hensem la dah baik nanti. Kepala cikgu ni dulu kan, kena paku masa lari-lari bawah rumah, koyak dekat sejengkal, tau? Masa tu cikgu baru 12 tahun. Kena jahit jua', ok je tau? Kamu kan 'rock'... Orang 'rock' mana boleh macam ni, kan?"
At last he calmed down again, "Inda sakit kah, chegu'?"
"Sakitlah sikit masa ia cucuk kasi bius atu, tapi lepas atu nda sakit lagi bah..."
"Iyakah, chegu?"
"Awu, inda percayakah, cakap chegu'? Chegu' selalu menipu kitak kah di sekulah ah?"
"Inda..."
"Bah pigang tangan chegu' kuat-kuat, rileks sikit bah. Jangan takut, chegu' tunggu sampai ia habis jahit, ah?"
"Banarkah inda sakit chegu?"
"Sakit, tapi sikit jak... Inda pulang mati. Tapi kalau inda dijahit, nanti lambat baik, inda hensem lagi pulang tu! Mau kitak kah?"
"Bah..."
The MA covered his right eye with the paper again and I saw how the needle went in and out just like you cucuk daun pisang bungkus lepat tu dengan lidi tajam.... and how the liquid squirted out of the open holes made by the needle. I know it will heal, but it freaked me out, man! I am not the squeamish type, but it's one thing watching a graphic demo of a surgical operation where the doctor seems like melapah daging korban on TV, but watching it happening right in front of your eyes is a totally different thing. Then we waited a few minutes for the LA to work and then came the stitching. Again, he had second thoughts.
"Inda sakit bah, inda berasa lagi tuk..."
"Banar?"
"Banar... "
He held both my hands in both of his and we started talking about why exactly he didn't go to school those times. I watched the MA cucuk his wound with a huge ass needle and I listened to him telling me about going out to sea with his dad to fish and getting money for it. I asked him what he did with the money, he said he saved it. How much do you have now? Hundreds? Nah... Tapi berpuluh jua'lah.... Not bad. (Dalam hati, aku nak menangis, sebab I realized how gigih and cermat he is) But I don't want you to be just a fisherman when you grow up. You should do something more, something better. I'm sure your mom and dad want you to have more than they did in life, so you have to work hard for it. I know, but it's hard, chegu'. I know, dear, but no one ever said anything about life being easy.
All the while, aku sendiri nak pengsan tengok jarum jahitan tu kuar masuk daging kening budak tu. Lutut aku rasa lembik sikit. Tapi him trusting me gave me strength as much as me being there made him brave.
For some reason, at that moment, I tought about wanting my own kids. To have little hands to hold and be brave for and give strength to. A bad time to think about having kids. One should not gauge one's ability to raise children simply based on a day at the clinic with someone else's child.
He had six stitches.
Then the MA gave him some paracetamol as painkillers and antibiotics. Then I took him back to school to get his stuff, because now I have to take him home and personally meet with his parents and explain things to them. I told him to get his stuff from class and be back at my office in 5 minutes.
But in my office, the girl from hell was there with her dad. I'm sorry. I don't mean to label her that way, but compared to the students in my school, she is a full-blown ... I don't want to say the word. But you can guess. She moved to Miri when she was in form 1. Now she is in form 3 and had mixed with the wrong crowd in the city school and now her parents could only see us as the last resort before admitting her to a correctional school which calls for a court order. And another parent was also there, wanting to inform me that his son got the 'kudis buta' again and had been to the hospital for treatment and won't be able to come to school until the abcess that had been impairing his ability to walk, heals. I talked with him for a while and assured him that I will inform the class teacher about it and he can take as much time he needs to get better and was ready to move on to seeing the girl's dad when a student came running to my office and panting, told me that CLI was having fainting spells at the lab. I excused myself and ran to the lab. I saw CLI walking slowly towards me and I went and supported her and took her to my car. The boy was already there and I told a girl who was following me to get my handbag and car key from my office. I sent her home. CLI called in sick the day before. Why did she have to come to work if she didn't feel okay? She's probably like me, feel guilty as I rest every time I call in sick. I dropped her off at her place which was only a moment's drive from school and went straight to the boy's kampung with the boy in tow which was located about 10 minutes from school.
We got there, I parked my car at the lot and we took the boat across the estuary to his house. I met with his parents who were home at the time and explained what happened to them and apologized for the incident. They were very nice, gracious people. And they know me. They all know me, I hope so they know the people at the school are really doing our best, despite the fact.
"Apa dibuatnya chegu'?"
"Kanak-kanak ani' di sekulah, beribun bah. Berlabih pulang."
"Sangka ku ia bergaduh chegu'. Kalau bergaduh, kan ku tambah lagi..."
"Inda bah. Banar, beribun jak tapi lepas atu, berlabih. Anak kampung ani jua lawannya, tapi biar ku jumpa ia di sekulah dulu. Jangan tah kitak marahi ia lagi."
Aku suka la cakap macam orang Brunei. Walaupun tak sama... at least I am trying la kan...? Uhuhu...
I only had a few minutes to chat, because the other parent was still waiting for me in my office.
Still, on the way out another parent came by and enquired about scholarship and hostel allocations. Always tough issues to explain and the boat couldn't have come sooner. I did the best explaining to them and excused myself because I really had to rush back.
I climbed down the ladder into the boat and as we were going back to the other side, the boat guy asked me about school finances. I told him it is best that he talk to the principal about the matter because what I know is insufficient to answer his questions.
Back at school, I spent about half an hour with that parent. I could see it in his face, and in his body language that he is a gentle-hearted father who is at the end of his ropes. That was when he told me that he was thinking about moving her to a correctional school but that would require a court order. I realized what a daunting task lie ahead of me if I decide to take on the challenge. I do not want to make the same mistake I did with H@fifi. I regret it to this day. So I said what I could, in place of the principal who was away in Sibu for a meeting with the Director, and my PK1, who was away in Limbang for another meeting in place of the principal. I said, it is a big job, and I won't promise you anything because as a teacher, I know I am not a miracle worker, because change will only happen when one is ready to do so, and not because of what I do and say to her. Her father just nodded and assured me that he understood and accepted that fact.
But since she had broken the hostel rules, she will not be permitted back into the hostel, unless she shows some kind of improvement in attitude in the next couple of months. I can't take her back as much as her dad needs me to because that decision will kill my wardens. She has proven herself to be a handful from day one. Besides, we had been reserving places for more deserving people and there is still a long qeueu.
With her father there, I talked a little bit to her, but when she played with a strand of fallen hair, I took it out of her hand and asked her to look at me. She refused, so I took her hand in mine and refused to let go as she tried jerking it away. I finally let go when she started crying and looking at me with such hatred and anger. She stood up and stormed out of my office, slammed her fist on the open door. Her father apologized for her behavior. But I told him, it's okay. One of my older brother was exactly like her.
He is planning to move back to Lawas in April so he thought moving her to this school would be a fresh start for her. I am sad to say that she had not been the easiest person to deal with these past month. But he's been expecting that, I guess, because he agreed with me totally. His demeanor was total trust. I could see him close to giving up on her. But I know he won't, because parents, no matter how close they feel to the edge, never takes that jump when it comes to their children.
After her left, I went to the school library, right next to my office. After they left, I suddenly felt something dark and heavy looming over my whole being. I needed a distraction. I started talking to Hsnh, who is the library teacher and she was there rearranging some magazines. But out of the blue, I started sobbing. Right in the middle of a sentence! It was so silly of me and embarrassing too. No one had seen me cry for years and I broke that record today.
Madie came looking for me as I was trying to regain control of my sobs. Earlier in the morning, he had asked me to sign some documents in place of the principal and the PK1. I returned to my office and found the thick documents all neatly clipped together on the pile of papers I had left when the boys came running to see me with the bleeding boy. He stood by my desk, fixing my rubber stamp, reinking the self-inking pad and making trial stamps on a discarded phone bill envelope to make sure there was not too much ink on the pad that would blotch up the documents, (or he'll have to re-do them) while I cried huge tears and sobbing non-stop. Great big sobs as I signed pages and pages of documents, trying hard to make out what I was signing in between the tears. Was I glad I had that plastic coating mascara on, or it I would have looked like a harlequin with wet mascara trickling down my cheeks.
Tried stopping. I did stop. But I started crying again and again each time I stopped. He probably could see my embarrassment, so he excused himself promising to come back in a little while to get the papers. Then Mrln stopped by and saw my red nose and puffy eyes. I had already stopped sufficiently to dry my cheeks and tried breathing in between residual sobs.
I was a mess. But it felt like a release of some sort. But it was strange because I was not feeling stressed out at all. Mrln was waiting to go to her class upstairs so she stayed a while and we talked for a little while. I was calm again when it was time for my last class of the day before school was over.
When class was over, it was time for a meeting with the Lemb@g@ Hit@m Berbulu Leb@t. Eh, no, silap. Lemb@g@ Disiplin. I called the meeting over the PA system. We all gathered in the PS. Everyone talked and had their say. Then as I was in the middle on my say, it happened again.
Great huge, heaving sobs that choked me. Attractive... very attractive.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!
I know I freaked them out seeing me like that. But it just overwhelmed me to see how committed to their jobs in the committee this year.
I can't help feeling so very grateful after having been left to fend for myself last year after the fiasco with the Kelantanese lunatic bitch. Yes, I have been burned by her big time, I had to say that she is from Kelantan. I am sure the rest of the Kelantan people are very normal, law abiding and great contributors to the society. She just happens to be all that, just a little on the lunatic side. And she hides it well, because I am the only one who knows about that side of her. Anyway, she won, simply because I am the barbaric fat bitch, and she is the little ustazah. Who would you save when the boat is sinking?
I am just glad that things are looking up this year. And it was probably my hormones wreaking havoc in my system. It took me a few seconds to compose myself. The meeting lasted a few more minutes before we adjourned.
I needed to get home. Mrln and Lnd already left with Hnr earlier. The counsellor asked if she could hitch a ride with me home. So with her in tow, I sped off back to town, overtaking all the other teachers who left before I did. Dropped her off at her place and went to the clinic to get some calamine lotion because I have been having some itchy red spots on my thighs and I have no idea where they come from.
Came home, showered and slapped on the lotion all over my legs and fell asleep as it was drying.
I am gonna have some problem sleeping tonight, because I slept for two and a half hours straight. It was awesome!
I'm sure what happened to me today happens to everyone in this field. But this is my personal experience. I want to be reminded of these moments when I lose focus of why I love this job so much and feel useless during my low lows. I hope nothing I write in here will get me into trouble with anyone. If you feel that I might, please tell me.
Long and winding, I know. But I never said, Please Read, did I? But thanks for reading anyway. Me luve you long taim....!!!
:-)
Saturday, February 7, 2009
b@h
Have you heard it on the news?
Lawas was flooded. It was the worst in 38 years.
I almost drove into the flood water on the way to school, in the dark. I had my headlights on, so I didn't really go all the way into it, at the roundabout. I managed to brake in time and was glad that there was no car behind me because I didn't even look into the rearview mirror as I was applying the brakes.
In the semi dark, we could see that the water was up to the roundabout, on the plot where the tamu is. Some people had already set up shop for Saturday. So the stalls were then standing in 2 feet of water. I turned the car around and went looking for another exit route. The road in front of the post office was flooded as well. I thought we weren't gonna be able to get to work that morning because I couldn't think of another way out of the town.
I called Hlz to tell her that I can't find a way out and she told me not to worry about getting to school because it looks like it is a huge disaster all over town that morning. She's stuck trying to get out too because cars were lined up not being able to move because the roads were waterlogged. I called another girl whom I know was already on the way to school and asked if they can get out of town. Just as I was telling her that we might not be able to go to school that morning, I thought about the route she takes every morning and realized we can get to school that morning indeed.
I went into Banting around the badminton arena and went on to the newly paved road they blew into the hill which was completed not more than a few months before and we were on our way.
As we came closer to the junction that leads to our school, we could see that Siang-Siang was very badly flooded. It had been flooded many times before but not this bad. The houses that were built on high stilts were standing in water 7-feet deep. Obviously the all-night heavy rain that fell the night before had also fallen there and also in Trusan, a fact we found out later.
The road to school had remained free from any submersion. We got to school in a breeze like any other day. After the usual stuff I did every morning, I heard some kind of commotion outside my door. It was Hlz telling people that the water is rising at one of the lowest point in the road to school and it does not look good, and we might have to close up shop earlier than usual that day. Not to cause panic, we instructed the kids to go for recess first. The electricity was out, pobably due to the floods in town so there was no use of the PA system. We had to go from class to class. The kids already knew they were going to be let off early that morning so they went and asked me and I told them I will tell them later if that is the school's decision in the next few minutes.
We let them off at 9am that morning. And the teachers left after the kids were all gone. On the way out of the village, we came to the low point in the road. There were a few, but that was the lowest one and it was a few meters long. I was nervous, so I let a pick up truck go ahead of me so I can drive safely in its wake. Even then, I lost the front number plates in the water.
Back in town, we went and parked in front of the wisma and went walking here and there to see the full extent of the flood.
The airport was in three to five feet of water. The road going to KK was submerged, no car could pass through so the road to Mer@pok was cut off. Teachers teaching there didn't get to go to work at all that morning. The houses around the airport was in up to four feet of water. I could see some tops of cars in the water.
At the other end, the river had increased at least six times its size and it had overrun its banks, covering the whole town up to the hospital, the supermarket, the post office, the roundabout close to our place and also the tamu.
This morning we went to Sipit@ng to fill up on gas. The gas station in town won't be open for a while. We saw how bad the floods was in Mer@pok and the villages along the road. The sun was shining brightly, so the farmers were out sunning their rice. Thank God, at least they could do that. The rest of the unharvested rice were probably damaged in the flood. There was still stagnant water all over the place, but the road was not submerged anymore as it probably was the night before judging from the mud stains left behind.
In Sipit@ng, even the sea was brown with the sediments that flowed into it with all the rain water.
Back in L@w@s, there was two to three feet of mud everywhere. We stopped by at the airport for a few minutes and could see the clean up job. The guy in charge informed us that the airport will be open again tomorrow. We were planning to go to the supermarket to get a wedding present for a co-worker whose wedding would happen tomorrow. But none of these supermarkets were open, because they were busy logging the damaged goods.
The King tides starts today. I hope it doesn't rain anymore. We don't need the flood to last any longer than it should take its course.
On the more disgusting note, my thighs and hands are covered in red itchy spots. I don't think it is the kalig@te that I always get when I was little. The spots were small and they don't have water in them. I don't know what they are and what caused them. I got it on Tuesday, thought it will go away. But the spots have been bothering me till today so I went to the clinic and got myself some med. I have taken the meds now the ones on my thighs looks like many many overlapping red itchy bumps and the ones on my hands are multiplying and covering the whole of the palms of both hands. They gross me out.
Please go away. I am tired of scratching and scratching is so not sexy.
Lawas was flooded. It was the worst in 38 years.
I almost drove into the flood water on the way to school, in the dark. I had my headlights on, so I didn't really go all the way into it, at the roundabout. I managed to brake in time and was glad that there was no car behind me because I didn't even look into the rearview mirror as I was applying the brakes.
In the semi dark, we could see that the water was up to the roundabout, on the plot where the tamu is. Some people had already set up shop for Saturday. So the stalls were then standing in 2 feet of water. I turned the car around and went looking for another exit route. The road in front of the post office was flooded as well. I thought we weren't gonna be able to get to work that morning because I couldn't think of another way out of the town.
I called Hlz to tell her that I can't find a way out and she told me not to worry about getting to school because it looks like it is a huge disaster all over town that morning. She's stuck trying to get out too because cars were lined up not being able to move because the roads were waterlogged. I called another girl whom I know was already on the way to school and asked if they can get out of town. Just as I was telling her that we might not be able to go to school that morning, I thought about the route she takes every morning and realized we can get to school that morning indeed.
I went into Banting around the badminton arena and went on to the newly paved road they blew into the hill which was completed not more than a few months before and we were on our way.
As we came closer to the junction that leads to our school, we could see that Siang-Siang was very badly flooded. It had been flooded many times before but not this bad. The houses that were built on high stilts were standing in water 7-feet deep. Obviously the all-night heavy rain that fell the night before had also fallen there and also in Trusan, a fact we found out later.
The road to school had remained free from any submersion. We got to school in a breeze like any other day. After the usual stuff I did every morning, I heard some kind of commotion outside my door. It was Hlz telling people that the water is rising at one of the lowest point in the road to school and it does not look good, and we might have to close up shop earlier than usual that day. Not to cause panic, we instructed the kids to go for recess first. The electricity was out, pobably due to the floods in town so there was no use of the PA system. We had to go from class to class. The kids already knew they were going to be let off early that morning so they went and asked me and I told them I will tell them later if that is the school's decision in the next few minutes.
We let them off at 9am that morning. And the teachers left after the kids were all gone. On the way out of the village, we came to the low point in the road. There were a few, but that was the lowest one and it was a few meters long. I was nervous, so I let a pick up truck go ahead of me so I can drive safely in its wake. Even then, I lost the front number plates in the water.
Back in town, we went and parked in front of the wisma and went walking here and there to see the full extent of the flood.
The airport was in three to five feet of water. The road going to KK was submerged, no car could pass through so the road to Mer@pok was cut off. Teachers teaching there didn't get to go to work at all that morning. The houses around the airport was in up to four feet of water. I could see some tops of cars in the water.
At the other end, the river had increased at least six times its size and it had overrun its banks, covering the whole town up to the hospital, the supermarket, the post office, the roundabout close to our place and also the tamu.
This morning we went to Sipit@ng to fill up on gas. The gas station in town won't be open for a while. We saw how bad the floods was in Mer@pok and the villages along the road. The sun was shining brightly, so the farmers were out sunning their rice. Thank God, at least they could do that. The rest of the unharvested rice were probably damaged in the flood. There was still stagnant water all over the place, but the road was not submerged anymore as it probably was the night before judging from the mud stains left behind.
In Sipit@ng, even the sea was brown with the sediments that flowed into it with all the rain water.
Back in L@w@s, there was two to three feet of mud everywhere. We stopped by at the airport for a few minutes and could see the clean up job. The guy in charge informed us that the airport will be open again tomorrow. We were planning to go to the supermarket to get a wedding present for a co-worker whose wedding would happen tomorrow. But none of these supermarkets were open, because they were busy logging the damaged goods.
The King tides starts today. I hope it doesn't rain anymore. We don't need the flood to last any longer than it should take its course.
On the more disgusting note, my thighs and hands are covered in red itchy spots. I don't think it is the kalig@te that I always get when I was little. The spots were small and they don't have water in them. I don't know what they are and what caused them. I got it on Tuesday, thought it will go away. But the spots have been bothering me till today so I went to the clinic and got myself some med. I have taken the meds now the ones on my thighs looks like many many overlapping red itchy bumps and the ones on my hands are multiplying and covering the whole of the palms of both hands. They gross me out.
Please go away. I am tired of scratching and scratching is so not sexy.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
the s*xuals
I hate my school days.
No one was familiar with the term 'late bloomer'. Because most of them were busy being the gedik girls. I loved the more intelligent ones who saw life far beyond snotty nosed secondary school aged boys.
I was labeled a lesbian.
I admit I was not the most nice looking and pleasant teenager in those days, but I was never a lesbian.
I might be a bisexual though.
Take that! How's that for being controversial?
Seriously, my sexual orientation is none of anyone's beeswax. I'm just glad I survived school and get to spend some of the most wonderful years of my life at uni and being surrounded by people who made me understand that it is okay to be different and do things in your own time.
Aku mengantuk. Mata aku bengkak. Tadi aku baca entry CS, aku teringat kat ayah aku. That made me cry buckets.
I have regrets. Huge regrets regarding my father.
But it's just too late now, right?
No one was familiar with the term 'late bloomer'. Because most of them were busy being the gedik girls. I loved the more intelligent ones who saw life far beyond snotty nosed secondary school aged boys.
I was labeled a lesbian.
I admit I was not the most nice looking and pleasant teenager in those days, but I was never a lesbian.
I might be a bisexual though.
Take that! How's that for being controversial?
Seriously, my sexual orientation is none of anyone's beeswax. I'm just glad I survived school and get to spend some of the most wonderful years of my life at uni and being surrounded by people who made me understand that it is okay to be different and do things in your own time.
Aku mengantuk. Mata aku bengkak. Tadi aku baca entry CS, aku teringat kat ayah aku. That made me cry buckets.
I have regrets. Huge regrets regarding my father.
But it's just too late now, right?
Monday, February 2, 2009
prebet
So, yesterday I went out with my Love Guru, Mimi. I told him about the whole thing about not knowing what to do now that I don't think it is a good idea to go ahead with the relationship. Oh I share everything with him, as much as he shares everything with me. Except lingerie. We can't fit into each others' stuff.
Anyway, he told me that there is no need to worry about telling him about my decision just yet and ruin a good ride. Whoa. A ride? To where?
He didn't say that of course. But he did say, why put yourself in a spot and create all this pain for the both of you. Instead, give yourself a time frame and if by the time it is over and the relationship is still stagnant, it would be the best time to tell him exactly that; I've given us the time we needed, but now it is time for me to take the time I need to move on.
Which is the simplest and safest thing to do, considering I do respect him and do not feel the need to be nasty to a person of his stature. The fact that he had be patient with me all this while is another factor I have to consider.
I really should turn this thing, this blog thing private, shouldn't I? At first, I thought it would be a good way of sharing what is happening in my life with these few people I love dearly. But lately it has turned into a guy-bashing blog. Well, this one particular guy, actually. It's not right. Whatever f*cked up scheme he has up his sleeve, I shouldn't be telling the world about it. I don't hate him, but why does this negativity keep pouring out of my soul? It's not even spiritual at all.
I should spare the rest of the world this 'washing of the linen out in the www' thing I am doing practically in all my latest entries.
I can just write in my old fashioned real book diary, but then I don't really like writing with my hand as much as I used to. That muscle between my index and middle finger get all bulgy and cramped after a while anyway, considering the amount of words I have to use just to describe a simple situation.
It's easier just typing things out on the computer and save it away on the hard drive. But I am forgetful. Anything that doesn't have a bookmark, I would lose.
So here they are, some of the things that I dare tell the world, because I know for a fact that other than these three people in my life, no one else who drops by here actually know me therefore, whatever cr*p I write in here does not hold any weight. I'm no celeb. Things I say are only relevant to me and these three precious people, Jh, CS and W.
Turning a blog private is only for those celebloggers who got too much fame out of too much shame. I'm just a little person who has found a trash can where she can dump everything and get a great night's sleep and feel her best the next morning.
So, tak payahlah buat private kan?
Anyway, he told me that there is no need to worry about telling him about my decision just yet and ruin a good ride. Whoa. A ride? To where?
He didn't say that of course. But he did say, why put yourself in a spot and create all this pain for the both of you. Instead, give yourself a time frame and if by the time it is over and the relationship is still stagnant, it would be the best time to tell him exactly that; I've given us the time we needed, but now it is time for me to take the time I need to move on.
Which is the simplest and safest thing to do, considering I do respect him and do not feel the need to be nasty to a person of his stature. The fact that he had be patient with me all this while is another factor I have to consider.
I really should turn this thing, this blog thing private, shouldn't I? At first, I thought it would be a good way of sharing what is happening in my life with these few people I love dearly. But lately it has turned into a guy-bashing blog. Well, this one particular guy, actually. It's not right. Whatever f*cked up scheme he has up his sleeve, I shouldn't be telling the world about it. I don't hate him, but why does this negativity keep pouring out of my soul? It's not even spiritual at all.
I should spare the rest of the world this 'washing of the linen out in the www' thing I am doing practically in all my latest entries.
I can just write in my old fashioned real book diary, but then I don't really like writing with my hand as much as I used to. That muscle between my index and middle finger get all bulgy and cramped after a while anyway, considering the amount of words I have to use just to describe a simple situation.
It's easier just typing things out on the computer and save it away on the hard drive. But I am forgetful. Anything that doesn't have a bookmark, I would lose.
So here they are, some of the things that I dare tell the world, because I know for a fact that other than these three people in my life, no one else who drops by here actually know me therefore, whatever cr*p I write in here does not hold any weight. I'm no celeb. Things I say are only relevant to me and these three precious people, Jh, CS and W.
Turning a blog private is only for those celebloggers who got too much fame out of too much shame. I'm just a little person who has found a trash can where she can dump everything and get a great night's sleep and feel her best the next morning.
So, tak payahlah buat private kan?
Friday, January 23, 2009
ta tawu
Nak tahu?
Kalau tak nak tahu takpelah wei. Aku tak cerita untuk hang pun...
Malam ni sepatutnya aku pi amik pakcik tu kat airport KK and stay kat sana before teruskan perjalanan ke Sandakan. Tapi sebab pakcik tu sedikit lampi (gosh! it is such a funny word!) I mean, he was a little late so he missed his flight. So there I was filling up on gas in Sipitang and told me about it. Darn it. But the thing is, I wasn't mad at all. I laughed while talking with him on the phone. He told me he will get the earliest flight tomorrow morning. And in his panic, he told me to go back to Lawas. Apa ke bendenya? He didn't even know where I was. What if I was already in KK that time? Jadahnya I wanna drive all the way back.
He called me again after 10 minutes and asked me where I was. He was relieved to know that I was just in Sipitang and not in KK. Promised to get there by 10.30 am tomorrow. Kesian pulak kat dia when he is in earnest like that. Who cares about the rest?
So esok pagi mak kena bangun awal like usual, siap-siap and drive ke sana before 6.00 am. Sebab mak dah tua, tak suka drive keta macam jet pejuang lagi, macam dulu-dulu. Atau pun mak dah rasa drive keter abang mak and terpempan dengan ketidakstabilan keter kecik mak ittiew? Apa-apa pun, baguslah kan, mak dah pandai tak tekan pedal minyak tu sampai lekat ke lantai keter mak ittiew? Drive dengan santai, and pray for the best. Bukan apa, drive baik-baik pun, kalau ada malaun bawak keta macam jet pejuang, ala-ala sorang makcik tu, and mengakibatkan kemalangan, kalau nak tumpang suwey pun, kena juga kita kan? Hopefully, he will not miss his flight again, or I will use black magic to make him come see me. Desperet ke mokcik weah...? Baru je kena heret keliling KL on foot last December gitu... Well, let's pretend I am a chipmunk or something, who must gather these nuts while it is in abundance. Sambar mana yang sempat tu, dik non. Esok-esok kemarau lagi, siapa lagi yang akan menangisi nasib diri, Walaupun air mata tak menitis, dalam hati siapa yang tawu....?
Ta tawu....
Kenapa aku cerita malam ni macam orang lain eh? Sindrom lagi tiga kali Jumaat kah?
PepuG... Kenapalah sekolah kami tak dapat cuti seminggu macam 2 sekolah lain dalam daerah ni? Kesian kengkawan bangsa Cina kena amik cuti rehat khas just to be with family? Sekolah lain pun yang kurang student bangsa Cina boleh lak cuti. Apa kes?
Mak tak kisah... Tapi yang lain tu, balik naik kapal terbang tau, bukan naik bas. Bleh biar burn burn tiket macam takde per per.
Mak juga tak kisah sebab plan mak dengan pakcik ittiew akan berakhir pada hari Selasa juga, and I have no idea what I was goin to do if there is no school on the following Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And frankly speaking, aku tak le minat sangat cuti kerap pendek pendek lagu ni. Baik kumpul semua and kasi cuti 3 bulan teruih, macam semester break kalau blajar kat U tu, kan best? Bleh gak kerja sambilan kat memana. Huahuahua!
Hana, miss you. Hope you are doing great. Windu pun, jangan sampai makan diri, k?
Citizensierra, kalau sempat, we go grab a bite somewhere on the way aku balik from Sandakan, sudi tak? Kalau tak, next time. I wanna try the restaurants in 1Borneo.
Wani, kakakmu ini rindukan dirimu teramat sangat dan sentiasa mendoakan kejayaanmu dalam perjuanganmu kali ini. Semoga tabah menghadapi apa jua dugaan dan godaan syaithon.... dan hapdetlah blog chumils kau ittiew....
Anillynette... terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak perut, kenalah diet and exercise. Uhuk!
Oklah, uols dua tiga kerat inniew, mak nak buat kerja haram kejap. Mendonlod apa-apa yang fatuts untuk bekalan jalan jauh. Halwa telinga je, mentara dalam keter. Bosan kang aku tido kang, sesama berjalan ke alam satu lagi, baru fadan mukers.
Sekian, terima kasih.
Kalau tak nak tahu takpelah wei. Aku tak cerita untuk hang pun...
Malam ni sepatutnya aku pi amik pakcik tu kat airport KK and stay kat sana before teruskan perjalanan ke Sandakan. Tapi sebab pakcik tu sedikit lampi (gosh! it is such a funny word!) I mean, he was a little late so he missed his flight. So there I was filling up on gas in Sipitang and told me about it. Darn it. But the thing is, I wasn't mad at all. I laughed while talking with him on the phone. He told me he will get the earliest flight tomorrow morning. And in his panic, he told me to go back to Lawas. Apa ke bendenya? He didn't even know where I was. What if I was already in KK that time? Jadahnya I wanna drive all the way back.
He called me again after 10 minutes and asked me where I was. He was relieved to know that I was just in Sipitang and not in KK. Promised to get there by 10.30 am tomorrow. Kesian pulak kat dia when he is in earnest like that. Who cares about the rest?
So esok pagi mak kena bangun awal like usual, siap-siap and drive ke sana before 6.00 am. Sebab mak dah tua, tak suka drive keta macam jet pejuang lagi, macam dulu-dulu. Atau pun mak dah rasa drive keter abang mak and terpempan dengan ketidakstabilan keter kecik mak ittiew? Apa-apa pun, baguslah kan, mak dah pandai tak tekan pedal minyak tu sampai lekat ke lantai keter mak ittiew? Drive dengan santai, and pray for the best. Bukan apa, drive baik-baik pun, kalau ada malaun bawak keta macam jet pejuang, ala-ala sorang makcik tu, and mengakibatkan kemalangan, kalau nak tumpang suwey pun, kena juga kita kan? Hopefully, he will not miss his flight again, or I will use black magic to make him come see me. Desperet ke mokcik weah...? Baru je kena heret keliling KL on foot last December gitu... Well, let's pretend I am a chipmunk or something, who must gather these nuts while it is in abundance. Sambar mana yang sempat tu, dik non. Esok-esok kemarau lagi, siapa lagi yang akan menangisi nasib diri, Walaupun air mata tak menitis, dalam hati siapa yang tawu....?
Ta tawu....
Kenapa aku cerita malam ni macam orang lain eh? Sindrom lagi tiga kali Jumaat kah?
PepuG... Kenapalah sekolah kami tak dapat cuti seminggu macam 2 sekolah lain dalam daerah ni? Kesian kengkawan bangsa Cina kena amik cuti rehat khas just to be with family? Sekolah lain pun yang kurang student bangsa Cina boleh lak cuti. Apa kes?
Mak tak kisah... Tapi yang lain tu, balik naik kapal terbang tau, bukan naik bas. Bleh biar burn burn tiket macam takde per per.
Mak juga tak kisah sebab plan mak dengan pakcik ittiew akan berakhir pada hari Selasa juga, and I have no idea what I was goin to do if there is no school on the following Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And frankly speaking, aku tak le minat sangat cuti kerap pendek pendek lagu ni. Baik kumpul semua and kasi cuti 3 bulan teruih, macam semester break kalau blajar kat U tu, kan best? Bleh gak kerja sambilan kat memana. Huahuahua!
Hana, miss you. Hope you are doing great. Windu pun, jangan sampai makan diri, k?
Citizensierra, kalau sempat, we go grab a bite somewhere on the way aku balik from Sandakan, sudi tak? Kalau tak, next time. I wanna try the restaurants in 1Borneo.
Wani, kakakmu ini rindukan dirimu teramat sangat dan sentiasa mendoakan kejayaanmu dalam perjuanganmu kali ini. Semoga tabah menghadapi apa jua dugaan dan godaan syaithon.... dan hapdetlah blog chumils kau ittiew....
Anillynette... terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak perut, kenalah diet and exercise. Uhuk!
Oklah, uols dua tiga kerat inniew, mak nak buat kerja haram kejap. Mendonlod apa-apa yang fatuts untuk bekalan jalan jauh. Halwa telinga je, mentara dalam keter. Bosan kang aku tido kang, sesama berjalan ke alam satu lagi, baru fadan mukers.
Sekian, terima kasih.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
hm@s yuniqorn
I left the tv on last night, to be be auto turned off in an hour. I need the white noise to fall asleep. Besides, for the past few days I have been tuning in to the H@llmark channel to be able to see this one particular short film again. It never aired again since the last time I saw it last week. At least I think it never aired again because I keep switching to that channel again and again every last ten minutes of every hour to see if I could see it again. The other shorts keep coming up. I like them all, especially the one at the hotel with the old bell boy. But I like this one a little more then the rest. The male character is a dark water nymph who tempted a school girl to take a swim while she was out on the lake in her little row boat. She was never seen again.
I guess the dark and mysterious premise of the movie that captivated me. Him being the water nymph made him even more appealing. Made me want to know more about him. I am not a stalker. If I had seen him on the streets, I wouldn't have taken a second look. But seeing him in that persona made all the difference.
I saw it once last week. Half-way through. Last night as I waited if it would come up again after the Myds0mer Murders show was over. It did. But I fell asleep. I was woken up when I heard the girl say "You scared me!"
So today I googled him. I found out the title of the short. I read an interview he had. I learned more about his work. He is human after all.
Watch the video here...
I guess the dark and mysterious premise of the movie that captivated me. Him being the water nymph made him even more appealing. Made me want to know more about him. I am not a stalker. If I had seen him on the streets, I wouldn't have taken a second look. But seeing him in that persona made all the difference.
I saw it once last week. Half-way through. Last night as I waited if it would come up again after the Myds0mer Murders show was over. It did. But I fell asleep. I was woken up when I heard the girl say "You scared me!"
So today I googled him. I found out the title of the short. I read an interview he had. I learned more about his work. He is human after all.
Watch the video here...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
The House Test
What the House Test Says About You |
 You consider yourself important, but no more important than anyone else. You love attention, but you don't feel like you deserve more of it than anyone else. You are very community oriented. You like to buy local, know your neighbors, and live in a neighborhood that matches your personality. You are a playful, charming, and seductive person. People feel instantly close to you. You look good in a low maintenance sort of way. You do the minimum required to be attractive. You are moved by romance and love. You are optimistic about people, and you love hearing about happy endings. |
Monday, April 28, 2008
hapdet
Kata Bella, no news is good news...
So I guess that is why I have not been updating this blog for the past few weeks. It's not like I have thousands of admiring readers to entertain... unlike Bella. :) No dear, I don't envy you for having to update your blog regularly, not wanting to disappoint your readers.
School is the same. Suspensions and such. The mundane stuff. Day in and day out. I am not complaining. Better mundane than drama when it comes to running a school.
Last Saturday, I thought I'd take the girls to that theme park in Brunei. But since most of the people tengah gawat bulan ni, I had to forget about it for a while. Maybe next time.
Instead, I ajak diorang ke KK. Still mereka tak mau ikut. So, I don't know why, I rasa menggedik je nak ke KK minggu ni. So I went with Mimi di jantan comel.
Pagi Sabtu, bangun awal sikit dari biasa. Kebiasaannya, aku masih bergulung dalam gebar dalam area kul 10 pagi kalau orang tak bagitau apa plan diorang hari tu atau aku rasa penglibatan aku tak diperlukan dalam program diorang. Ye, aku memang pemalas bila tiba weekends. Kau apa pedulik? Well, come to think of it, aku memang pemalas through and through. Oh the perils of living on your own. Nobody cares.
Took the girls for breakfast at our favourite spot in town tu. I had wantan soup as usual. Also had pau kacang merah AND ayam beforehand. Talk about tamak. Oh, yes, I am also a greedy little bugger. Well, safe to say as I grew older, I think my favorite meal is breakfast. Lunch and dinner, kalau takde pun takpe.
Then pergi tamu. Mula-mula I followed them around. Belek-belek sunglasses. I bought two, because I dah lama tak beli, and I suka sunglasses and I like wearing them sampai rosak lepas tu campak je. So dah lama tak beli baru, I sambar la 2. One looks like the ones yang Paris H suka pakai tu, and another one is a black Aviator. Aku ni kan ala-ala jejanz sket kengkadang.
And bila bersoping dengan kengkawan aku ni, biasalah kan, gadis-gadis ni kan rajin membelek? Aku tak marah pun. Aku rajin gak membelek. Tapi tak lama, aku suka, aku sambar je. So menengokkan mereka membelek-belek barang tu aku dah rimas so, aku slow-slow membawa diri melihat bembarang yang aku memang nak beli.
Aku beli buku panduan wirid. Well, I need it. Lepas tu beli selipar comey 2 pasang. Ingat nak beli for my mom. Tapi pikir balik... I think my mom deserve better. Tatau ah, bila tengok sandal-sandal comey tu asyik teringat nak beli for me mum. My mom tu mana suka pergi pasar malam. Tak pernah dia pergi. Asyik dia suruh me go buy her stuff from there. Namanya mak aku nak pergi sendiri tengok? Sorry la. I guess bukan my mom tu malas ke apa ke.... Dia shop-a-holic. Dia takut dia borong semua barang kat pasar malam tu bawak balik. So baiklah dia hantar Toy Soldier dia yang sorang ni, namely me. Dia pun tak penat.
Then aku jumpa panties made from this thin jersey material yang I think senang dicuci dan cepat kering. I think those would come in handy when I travel nanti. So I got 10 of those. Then I beli 7 anak tudung. Yang lama dah berbulu melekat dengan benda white lint. Tah mana datang tah... and I can't seem to find most of them. Murs murs je. Dua 5 hengget. Looked for some more singlets to wear for bed, takdok plak saiz aku. Muahaha... Len kali je.
Then aku beli a new potato peeler sebab yang lama pun tah ke mana, kut dah jatuh dalam tong sampah. I hate having to peel things with just a pisau. I can do it beautifully tapi lama sangat. Leceh! Harap yang ni tak hilang lagi.
Lepas tu aku tengok sana, tengok sini... takde yang menarik perhatian. Hai sana, hai sini... maklumlah mak ni pseudo-celeb kat pekan kecik ni. kain kat tamu tu pun takde yang suits my taste. Ecewah... taste kunun. Cuba try kat Euro Moda plak, kut ye nak bertaste kan?
So dengan hasil soping aku yang tak sebebrapa tu, aku balik kat keter... aku call diorang, diorang tak siap lagi. So aku pergila lepak kat kedai makan kecik milik rakan sekerja dari sekolah lain tu. Demi jaga hati kawan (sebab aku jarang lepak kat kedai dia, cuz the girls prefer kedai tomyam kat seberang kedai kawan aku ni) aku pun order teh o ping dengan Laksa Penang. Walopung aku sudah kenyang tahap nasik masuk hidung masa tu, aku gagahkan jua menyuap laksa tersebut dengan penuh berselera. Berlakon la sesikit, tapi I didn't have to berlakon kuat sangat sebab memang laksa dia sedap pun, and aku memang kuat makan pun.
15 minutes later, they all selesai, dey all datang mintak kunci keter from me, nak simpan barang. I pun finished my meal, paid up and mintak diri. Dia tak nak amik harga teh o ping tu walaupun I berkeras suruh dia charge me. Haiya.... baik sangat la belanja me liddat. Jangan la selalu, I tak kisah bayar. Tolong kawan, kan?
Then pergi supermarket, carikan hadiah untuk Martin and Kia. Wedding mereka hari Sabtu tu, kul 10.30. Kami belikan dia set pinggan mangkuk for 4 people. Nak fancy lagi pun dah terlambat nak cari kat town kecik ni mana ada benda fancy-fancy untuk wedding gift. Balik rumah, I took another shower sebab dah berpeluh bagai nak rak maa dok kat tamu yang stuffy and smoky ittew. Siap-siap, mekap apa ke patut, blow rambut sesikit, and pergi la angkut seisi rumah pergi wedding kat church tu.
My friend tu dah buat catering for his muslim friends. Stay kejap, makan, buat photo op sket, lepas tu balik...
I hantar Z pergi jumpa murid dia kat KFC dia dah janji nak belanja over a favor he did for her. Then hantar M pergi berurut betulkan lengan dia yang terkehel masa dia jatuh kat sekolah minggu lepas. Then L volunteer nak temankan me pergi tukar mintak hitam kat kedai tu. Lepas siap cuci kereta luar and dalam, kami balik. Called Mimi and bagitau dia I am going to KK alone dengan dia je sebab yang lain tak mau ikut.
Balik rumah, I packed up some stuff. Just bawak backpack kecik je, sebab staying just one night je. Then M mintak amikkan dia kat tempat berurut tu. Siap-siap berkemas, turun, said bye bye kat the girls and bawak barang sekali, amik M kat sana, bawak balik, dropped her off at home and terus pergi amik Mimi kat flat sekolah dia about 20 minutes from town. Kami berdua je pergit this time. Tak pernah pun aku ke KK sorang2 untuk jalan-jalan sebelum ni. Sebelum ni mesti angkut the girls with me without fail. Tapi Mimi pun feels like one of the girls juga walaupun dia bukan a 'girl' tapi dia memang girlish la, so compensate la juga, tak la rasa lonely sangat.
Singgah makan kat Beaufort, makan nasi sambal. Menu wajib tu kalau singgah Beaufort. Tataulah kenapa aku suka sangat dengan nasi sambal tu, aku mesti order yang itu bila singgah Restoran Malaysia kat Beaufort tu. Suka la rasa dia.
Seronok betul Mimi bila I managed to follow this Police truck yang bawak anak-anak ikan... probably budak-budak Kadet Polis kut, on the way ke kem mana-mana. Dia pun describe la bagaimana these boys were looking at me with such awe and astonishment sepanjang aku memfolow truck mereka tu sambil aku nak memotong truck tersebut, sebab aku telah memaparkan skill bawak keter mengalahkan Michael Schumacher padahal keta aku takde la hebat benar. I was not looking at those boys pun sebab aku ni ada rimas sket bila time follow truck askar atau polis yang penuh dengan impressionable teens ni. Kat sekolah kan aku dah hadap beratus orang. Kat jalanraya pun lagi? I am not impressed. Lagipun aku segan la nak tentang mata jejanz walaupun dia budak kecik lagi. Lemah jantung gue.
Kami sampai KK dalam jam 7.13pm macam tu. Mimi kata dia dah call merata-rata tapi semua budget hotel tu dah penuh, so last-last kami rasa apa salahnya if we go stay kat a nicer place for a change. So malam tu kami stayed kat Hyatt. Tak la top sangat hotel tu, tapi tak la budget. Dengan Gov Servant rate lagi, affordable la juga.
Apa aku buat? Letih... aku mandi, pakai baju, pergi turun kejap beli Whopper kat seberang jalan tu je. Ingat nak cari mineral water kat plaza sebelah tu. Dah tutup plak by the time I had mstered the energy to go down. Sebbaik bilik ada air mineral botol ciput tu. Kalau tak, tercekik la I makan Whopper tu. Pergi juga masuk plaza tu walaupun kedai banyak yang dah tutup. I singgah kedai henpon, beli bekas henpon satu and top up card. Lepas tu balik bilik, changed and went to bed. Ingat nak tido, tapi tak mengantuk. I messaged si Mimi, tanya dia buat apa. Dia kata pergi clubbing. Sekejap je dia dah jumpa kawan. Gigih perempuan tu!
Malas aku nak kacau dia ajak pergi tengok wayang, aku terus masuk tido je. Tak sleepy pun nanti lelap juga kan? Silap la aku. Aku pergi tengok cerita seram kat Discovery terus la aku takut nak tutup lampu. Aku kat bilik hotel yang unfamiliar tu aku seram sket. Manalah tahu kang padam lampun kang macam-macam imej seram menerjah ke mata aku ni. Aku biar lampu nyala sampai pagi. Hiahahaha....
Kul 9 aku bangun. Siap-siap dengan santai and relaxed. Then kami checked out. Simpan barang dalam kereta. Round-round dalam plaza sebelah tu dekat 3 jam jugalah. I got myself 3 new dangly earrings, 2 pairs of jeans and some other stuff from the sundry store. Little things. Sambil tunggu kemeja Mimi siap di'alter' kami lunched at the Malindo place depan sundry store tu.
Then I called CitizenSierra. She was free that day so I ajak dia pergi CentrePoint for some sushi.We were there early so I decided to get a manicure. The girl did a square cut on my nails. Made them look stumpy. But at least dia tak mencucuk the palm of my hand bila I make a fist. Mimi pun waited for me to get done before he had his done too. I didn't feel like going anywhere so I stuck around while he had his nails done. The manicurist tanya I baru kahwin ke? Sebab I pakai inai di jari. Kalau aku dengan si Mimi kahwin memang la kami ni mak an odd couple. Dia dengan cam gegirlnya. Aku dengan jejanznya. Aku kata taklah, ni adik. So kami pun berlakon la sebagai adik beradik dengan menyelitkan nilai-nilai kekeluargaan dalam perbualan kami from that point on.
Pergi Vincci, jumpa a wedge yang agak menarik minat jua. Tapi sebab takde budget for shoes, aku tak beli pun. Kebelakangan ni pandai la menahan diri dari membuat unnecessary purchases. Syukur. Aku harap ianya akan berterusan!
Then Nat pun sampai. Spent a few hours with her, catching up and sharing some newfound secrets to womanly beauty. Tak sabar dia nak join me in my quest. So kami pergi la dapatkan keperluannya as soon as we were done with the sushi. Kalau menjadi ke tak menjadi, tobat aku tak nak citer kat korang apa ke mendernya kami cuba tu. Huahahaha...
I am envious of CS because now dia dah ada apartment, fully furnished lagi tu. The best part must be her bedroom because according to her, she made it up to feel like a hotel room siap dengan king-sized bed lagi. I pun naaaaaaaak!!! I nak bilik tidur macam tu jugak!!! Huhuhuhu...
You go Nat!
Lepas tu si Mimi pergi buat hal dia, me and Nat jalan-jalan pergi book store, looked for novels for Mag. Yang dia nak tu tak ada, tapi yang lain tu, 2 sekali ada, so dia kata beli je both. Then we pergi lepak kat McD plak. Takde apa sangat yang nak dilihat atau dibeli... lepak la kat kedai makan tu, sambil makan Chocolate Sundae.
Then Mimi datang joined us. It was getting late, so kami pun minta diri dulu nak teruskan perjalanan balik ke Lawas. I wish we can go to a beach somewhere next time I pergi jumpa dia kat sana. We'll see.
Balik. It was uneventful. Yang pasti kami singgah lagi kat Restoran Malaysia and pekena satu lagi round nasik sambal sebelum meneruskan perjalanan.
Sampai kat sekolah Mimi, I tinggalkan dia kat situ, sebelum tu I melawak....
"Dalam perjalanan pulang, Kak Lynette telah ternampak satu bayangan manusia menahan keretanya di tepi jalan, namun dia tidak berhenti untuk menumpangkan orang tersebut. Beberapa ketika kemudian, dia mendapati bayangan yang telah cuba menahan keretanya sebentar tadi kini telah berada di sebelahnya dan memandang ke arah kak Lynette dengan penuh perasaan marah..."
Suka benarla si Mimi tu dengar cerita seram tu. Sambil dia melambai aku nak meninggalkan sekolah tu sengsorang sambil la dia menyakat aku ... aku tau, antara aku dengan dia, dia lagi penakot!!! Huahahahah!
Seram gak tengkuk. Area yang kami lalu nak balik ke Lawas tu ada yang keras belaka. Tapi takpe, Allah kan ada? Aku baca ayat Kursi and ayat Seribu Dinar, aku pasang lagu kekuat kat radio and buat cam biasa.
Kul 9.30 aku selamat sampai kat Lawas. Aku text Nat and Mimi. Thanks for spending time with me you guys... You made my day.
Tomorrow, we'll conduct the assembly fully in English for the first time. I wonder how it would be like. Ala, once in a month je. I think these people can manage.
Aku mengantuk. Korang tak mengantuk ke baca entry merapu aku ni? Esok aku try lagi. Now mata dah kecik. Mesti tido. Papai ya'll!
So I guess that is why I have not been updating this blog for the past few weeks. It's not like I have thousands of admiring readers to entertain... unlike Bella. :) No dear, I don't envy you for having to update your blog regularly, not wanting to disappoint your readers.
School is the same. Suspensions and such. The mundane stuff. Day in and day out. I am not complaining. Better mundane than drama when it comes to running a school.
Last Saturday, I thought I'd take the girls to that theme park in Brunei. But since most of the people tengah gawat bulan ni, I had to forget about it for a while. Maybe next time.
Instead, I ajak diorang ke KK. Still mereka tak mau ikut. So, I don't know why, I rasa menggedik je nak ke KK minggu ni. So I went with Mimi di jantan comel.
Pagi Sabtu, bangun awal sikit dari biasa. Kebiasaannya, aku masih bergulung dalam gebar dalam area kul 10 pagi kalau orang tak bagitau apa plan diorang hari tu atau aku rasa penglibatan aku tak diperlukan dalam program diorang. Ye, aku memang pemalas bila tiba weekends. Kau apa pedulik? Well, come to think of it, aku memang pemalas through and through. Oh the perils of living on your own. Nobody cares.
Took the girls for breakfast at our favourite spot in town tu. I had wantan soup as usual. Also had pau kacang merah AND ayam beforehand. Talk about tamak. Oh, yes, I am also a greedy little bugger. Well, safe to say as I grew older, I think my favorite meal is breakfast. Lunch and dinner, kalau takde pun takpe.
Then pergi tamu. Mula-mula I followed them around. Belek-belek sunglasses. I bought two, because I dah lama tak beli, and I suka sunglasses and I like wearing them sampai rosak lepas tu campak je. So dah lama tak beli baru, I sambar la 2. One looks like the ones yang Paris H suka pakai tu, and another one is a black Aviator. Aku ni kan ala-ala jejanz sket kengkadang.
And bila bersoping dengan kengkawan aku ni, biasalah kan, gadis-gadis ni kan rajin membelek? Aku tak marah pun. Aku rajin gak membelek. Tapi tak lama, aku suka, aku sambar je. So menengokkan mereka membelek-belek barang tu aku dah rimas so, aku slow-slow membawa diri melihat bembarang yang aku memang nak beli.
Aku beli buku panduan wirid. Well, I need it. Lepas tu beli selipar comey 2 pasang. Ingat nak beli for my mom. Tapi pikir balik... I think my mom deserve better. Tatau ah, bila tengok sandal-sandal comey tu asyik teringat nak beli for me mum. My mom tu mana suka pergi pasar malam. Tak pernah dia pergi. Asyik dia suruh me go buy her stuff from there. Namanya mak aku nak pergi sendiri tengok? Sorry la. I guess bukan my mom tu malas ke apa ke.... Dia shop-a-holic. Dia takut dia borong semua barang kat pasar malam tu bawak balik. So baiklah dia hantar Toy Soldier dia yang sorang ni, namely me. Dia pun tak penat.
Then aku jumpa panties made from this thin jersey material yang I think senang dicuci dan cepat kering. I think those would come in handy when I travel nanti. So I got 10 of those. Then I beli 7 anak tudung. Yang lama dah berbulu melekat dengan benda white lint. Tah mana datang tah... and I can't seem to find most of them. Murs murs je. Dua 5 hengget. Looked for some more singlets to wear for bed, takdok plak saiz aku. Muahaha... Len kali je.
Then aku beli a new potato peeler sebab yang lama pun tah ke mana, kut dah jatuh dalam tong sampah. I hate having to peel things with just a pisau. I can do it beautifully tapi lama sangat. Leceh! Harap yang ni tak hilang lagi.
Lepas tu aku tengok sana, tengok sini... takde yang menarik perhatian. Hai sana, hai sini... maklumlah mak ni pseudo-celeb kat pekan kecik ni. kain kat tamu tu pun takde yang suits my taste. Ecewah... taste kunun. Cuba try kat Euro Moda plak, kut ye nak bertaste kan?
So dengan hasil soping aku yang tak sebebrapa tu, aku balik kat keter... aku call diorang, diorang tak siap lagi. So aku pergila lepak kat kedai makan kecik milik rakan sekerja dari sekolah lain tu. Demi jaga hati kawan (sebab aku jarang lepak kat kedai dia, cuz the girls prefer kedai tomyam kat seberang kedai kawan aku ni) aku pun order teh o ping dengan Laksa Penang. Walopung aku sudah kenyang tahap nasik masuk hidung masa tu, aku gagahkan jua menyuap laksa tersebut dengan penuh berselera. Berlakon la sesikit, tapi I didn't have to berlakon kuat sangat sebab memang laksa dia sedap pun, and aku memang kuat makan pun.
15 minutes later, they all selesai, dey all datang mintak kunci keter from me, nak simpan barang. I pun finished my meal, paid up and mintak diri. Dia tak nak amik harga teh o ping tu walaupun I berkeras suruh dia charge me. Haiya.... baik sangat la belanja me liddat. Jangan la selalu, I tak kisah bayar. Tolong kawan, kan?
Then pergi supermarket, carikan hadiah untuk Martin and Kia. Wedding mereka hari Sabtu tu, kul 10.30. Kami belikan dia set pinggan mangkuk for 4 people. Nak fancy lagi pun dah terlambat nak cari kat town kecik ni mana ada benda fancy-fancy untuk wedding gift. Balik rumah, I took another shower sebab dah berpeluh bagai nak rak maa dok kat tamu yang stuffy and smoky ittew. Siap-siap, mekap apa ke patut, blow rambut sesikit, and pergi la angkut seisi rumah pergi wedding kat church tu.
My friend tu dah buat catering for his muslim friends. Stay kejap, makan, buat photo op sket, lepas tu balik...
I hantar Z pergi jumpa murid dia kat KFC dia dah janji nak belanja over a favor he did for her. Then hantar M pergi berurut betulkan lengan dia yang terkehel masa dia jatuh kat sekolah minggu lepas. Then L volunteer nak temankan me pergi tukar mintak hitam kat kedai tu. Lepas siap cuci kereta luar and dalam, kami balik. Called Mimi and bagitau dia I am going to KK alone dengan dia je sebab yang lain tak mau ikut.
Balik rumah, I packed up some stuff. Just bawak backpack kecik je, sebab staying just one night je. Then M mintak amikkan dia kat tempat berurut tu. Siap-siap berkemas, turun, said bye bye kat the girls and bawak barang sekali, amik M kat sana, bawak balik, dropped her off at home and terus pergi amik Mimi kat flat sekolah dia about 20 minutes from town. Kami berdua je pergit this time. Tak pernah pun aku ke KK sorang2 untuk jalan-jalan sebelum ni. Sebelum ni mesti angkut the girls with me without fail. Tapi Mimi pun feels like one of the girls juga walaupun dia bukan a 'girl' tapi dia memang girlish la, so compensate la juga, tak la rasa lonely sangat.
Singgah makan kat Beaufort, makan nasi sambal. Menu wajib tu kalau singgah Beaufort. Tataulah kenapa aku suka sangat dengan nasi sambal tu, aku mesti order yang itu bila singgah Restoran Malaysia kat Beaufort tu. Suka la rasa dia.
Seronok betul Mimi bila I managed to follow this Police truck yang bawak anak-anak ikan... probably budak-budak Kadet Polis kut, on the way ke kem mana-mana. Dia pun describe la bagaimana these boys were looking at me with such awe and astonishment sepanjang aku memfolow truck mereka tu sambil aku nak memotong truck tersebut, sebab aku telah memaparkan skill bawak keter mengalahkan Michael Schumacher padahal keta aku takde la hebat benar. I was not looking at those boys pun sebab aku ni ada rimas sket bila time follow truck askar atau polis yang penuh dengan impressionable teens ni. Kat sekolah kan aku dah hadap beratus orang. Kat jalanraya pun lagi? I am not impressed. Lagipun aku segan la nak tentang mata jejanz walaupun dia budak kecik lagi. Lemah jantung gue.
Kami sampai KK dalam jam 7.13pm macam tu. Mimi kata dia dah call merata-rata tapi semua budget hotel tu dah penuh, so last-last kami rasa apa salahnya if we go stay kat a nicer place for a change. So malam tu kami stayed kat Hyatt. Tak la top sangat hotel tu, tapi tak la budget. Dengan Gov Servant rate lagi, affordable la juga.
Apa aku buat? Letih... aku mandi, pakai baju, pergi turun kejap beli Whopper kat seberang jalan tu je. Ingat nak cari mineral water kat plaza sebelah tu. Dah tutup plak by the time I had mstered the energy to go down. Sebbaik bilik ada air mineral botol ciput tu. Kalau tak, tercekik la I makan Whopper tu. Pergi juga masuk plaza tu walaupun kedai banyak yang dah tutup. I singgah kedai henpon, beli bekas henpon satu and top up card. Lepas tu balik bilik, changed and went to bed. Ingat nak tido, tapi tak mengantuk. I messaged si Mimi, tanya dia buat apa. Dia kata pergi clubbing. Sekejap je dia dah jumpa kawan. Gigih perempuan tu!
Malas aku nak kacau dia ajak pergi tengok wayang, aku terus masuk tido je. Tak sleepy pun nanti lelap juga kan? Silap la aku. Aku pergi tengok cerita seram kat Discovery terus la aku takut nak tutup lampu. Aku kat bilik hotel yang unfamiliar tu aku seram sket. Manalah tahu kang padam lampun kang macam-macam imej seram menerjah ke mata aku ni. Aku biar lampu nyala sampai pagi. Hiahahaha....
Kul 9 aku bangun. Siap-siap dengan santai and relaxed. Then kami checked out. Simpan barang dalam kereta. Round-round dalam plaza sebelah tu dekat 3 jam jugalah. I got myself 3 new dangly earrings, 2 pairs of jeans and some other stuff from the sundry store. Little things. Sambil tunggu kemeja Mimi siap di'alter' kami lunched at the Malindo place depan sundry store tu.
Then I called CitizenSierra. She was free that day so I ajak dia pergi CentrePoint for some sushi.We were there early so I decided to get a manicure. The girl did a square cut on my nails. Made them look stumpy. But at least dia tak mencucuk the palm of my hand bila I make a fist. Mimi pun waited for me to get done before he had his done too. I didn't feel like going anywhere so I stuck around while he had his nails done. The manicurist tanya I baru kahwin ke? Sebab I pakai inai di jari. Kalau aku dengan si Mimi kahwin memang la kami ni mak an odd couple. Dia dengan cam gegirlnya. Aku dengan jejanznya. Aku kata taklah, ni adik. So kami pun berlakon la sebagai adik beradik dengan menyelitkan nilai-nilai kekeluargaan dalam perbualan kami from that point on.
Pergi Vincci, jumpa a wedge yang agak menarik minat jua. Tapi sebab takde budget for shoes, aku tak beli pun. Kebelakangan ni pandai la menahan diri dari membuat unnecessary purchases. Syukur. Aku harap ianya akan berterusan!
Then Nat pun sampai. Spent a few hours with her, catching up and sharing some newfound secrets to womanly beauty. Tak sabar dia nak join me in my quest. So kami pergi la dapatkan keperluannya as soon as we were done with the sushi. Kalau menjadi ke tak menjadi, tobat aku tak nak citer kat korang apa ke mendernya kami cuba tu. Huahahaha...
I am envious of CS because now dia dah ada apartment, fully furnished lagi tu. The best part must be her bedroom because according to her, she made it up to feel like a hotel room siap dengan king-sized bed lagi. I pun naaaaaaaak!!! I nak bilik tidur macam tu jugak!!! Huhuhuhu...
You go Nat!
Lepas tu si Mimi pergi buat hal dia, me and Nat jalan-jalan pergi book store, looked for novels for Mag. Yang dia nak tu tak ada, tapi yang lain tu, 2 sekali ada, so dia kata beli je both. Then we pergi lepak kat McD plak. Takde apa sangat yang nak dilihat atau dibeli... lepak la kat kedai makan tu, sambil makan Chocolate Sundae.
Then Mimi datang joined us. It was getting late, so kami pun minta diri dulu nak teruskan perjalanan balik ke Lawas. I wish we can go to a beach somewhere next time I pergi jumpa dia kat sana. We'll see.
Balik. It was uneventful. Yang pasti kami singgah lagi kat Restoran Malaysia and pekena satu lagi round nasik sambal sebelum meneruskan perjalanan.
Sampai kat sekolah Mimi, I tinggalkan dia kat situ, sebelum tu I melawak....
"Dalam perjalanan pulang, Kak Lynette telah ternampak satu bayangan manusia menahan keretanya di tepi jalan, namun dia tidak berhenti untuk menumpangkan orang tersebut. Beberapa ketika kemudian, dia mendapati bayangan yang telah cuba menahan keretanya sebentar tadi kini telah berada di sebelahnya dan memandang ke arah kak Lynette dengan penuh perasaan marah..."
Suka benarla si Mimi tu dengar cerita seram tu. Sambil dia melambai aku nak meninggalkan sekolah tu sengsorang sambil la dia menyakat aku ... aku tau, antara aku dengan dia, dia lagi penakot!!! Huahahahah!
Seram gak tengkuk. Area yang kami lalu nak balik ke Lawas tu ada yang keras belaka. Tapi takpe, Allah kan ada? Aku baca ayat Kursi and ayat Seribu Dinar, aku pasang lagu kekuat kat radio and buat cam biasa.
Kul 9.30 aku selamat sampai kat Lawas. Aku text Nat and Mimi. Thanks for spending time with me you guys... You made my day.
Tomorrow, we'll conduct the assembly fully in English for the first time. I wonder how it would be like. Ala, once in a month je. I think these people can manage.
Aku mengantuk. Korang tak mengantuk ke baca entry merapu aku ni? Esok aku try lagi. Now mata dah kecik. Mesti tido. Papai ya'll!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)