This is a huge part of a letter I wrote to someone. I have edited it some so it doesn't sound like I was talking to him.
We always turn to work when we do not want to confront our problems. As if when we keep ourselves busy the other problem that we have to attend to will simply disappear. Sometimes they do, but most of the time, they don’t. Especially when the problem involves other people because people do not simply disappear unless we do something about them. They tried that on poor Altantuya, but failed miserably.
I find myself doing that too nowadays. It beats the heck out of thinking about people who doesn’t really care about me, but pretend to do so. People say, married to the job. Perhaps because the job doesn’t talk back, The job does not question your paradigm. The job does not hurt your feelings. The job is not vicious. Whatever. But the job really does help.
When I thought what we were having would be a life-changing experience, this was not exactly what I had in mind. Do people put other people on hold for no reason?
I may sound angry but I am not. Just a little frustrated. I am wondering what exactly am I waiting for? When N said something about true love, I would be lying if I say that I don’t want it. I do, but with the right person. I do not wish to pursue it with a person who doesn’t see that I am worth it. I am not accusing N of not appreciating me, but I am feeling a little unappreciated at the moment. I doubt that I am ‘trophy wife’ material. If anyone in his circle of friends knew about me, they will think he is mad for picking me. I have no problem with that fact, so that is why I have considered life alone the rest of my life. But he changed my mind.
If there is anything about me that I would like to change is my patience. I wish I have more of it. My patience is in limited supply so I only spare them for people who are truly worthy of it. But since both of us have better things to do, that’s beside the point.
N wants me to read the book entitled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” so that I would be able to better understand the opposite sex. I have not read the book, but whatever the excuse is, one should not be an asshole just because someone wrote a book filled with good excuses to be one.
N always tell me about the keys to a lasting relationship. I don’t know how to ask him this in a much gentler way, but does it include a fourth point that says anything about making someone wait for long periods of time to prove patience and worthiness of true love?
Of course there is problem in every relationship and the right thing to do is find a way to solve or minimize them. I agree with him on that. The question here is, are we really working towards that at the moment? With him totally ignoring it and me wondering what on earth am I doing waiting for something that might not actually materialize. Where is the solution? Did I miss it somewhere?
The bright side of us is…. Hmm… The bright side of us is…. No, don’t tell me, I can figure this out. The bright side of us is… we can hate each other at a safe distance? Hahaha….
Saya tak pernah menyangkal ketentuan Ilahi yang lelaki dan perempuan dijadikan dengan kemampuan, kekurangan dan kelebihan yang berbeza. Tak pernah juga mempersoalkan mengapa wanita tidak layak menjadi wali atau imam dalam Islam. I am pretty much happy with the arrangements selama ini. The way I see it, baik dan buruk manusia di bumi ini dijadikan sedemikian rupa supaya kita sentiasa berusaha ke arah kesefahaman. And I see a lot of things in both sexes that complements each other. Kalau sesuatu jantina itu dijadikan sempurna, maka tak adalah sesiapa yang sibuk nak bercinta dan bernikah dan menghasilkan zuriat, sebab bila semua orang dah sempurna , jadi sibuk pula mencintai diri sendiri semata-mata. Pupuslah manusia.
Women were created physically weaker than the men sebab dia emotional. Kalau dia dah emotional, physically strong lagi, habislah dunia ni. Lagipun,
N thinks women can be vicious. I think if women really are vicious it is because they are physically weaker. They can’t possibly retaliate in a physical manner and win, so they hit where it hurts the most; the heart. A physical wound will heal in time and the scar would not hurt. But the wound in the heart will be imbedded in the mind for eternity.
These are just my personal hypotheses. I have never done an empirical study to prove any of them. It is just the way I see things. I don’t know about other women, but for me, as a person, I don’t hurt people unnecessarily. I may be emotional but I am not insane. When I feel wronged, sometimes I let myself get to my better judgment and do whatever it is in my power to make that person feel the pain he or she has caused me. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. I have grown considerably since then though, seeing how my mother in her lapses of better judgment had been so angry over something but never get to see the results she wanted to see. It is always in her moment of silence, as she prays in earnest to God, laying herself totally in the hands of The Merciful that her prayers were answered. I have since then, left everything in the hands of God. Instead of getting upset and not being able to find a way to get out of my predicament, I turn to God.
I prayed to God, if he is really not for me, then help me forget him. Maybe I have not been praying right or hard enough because he is the only thing on my mind all throughout my waking hours. I am just glad that thoughts of him doesn’t rob me of my precious sleep.
He referred to Cleopatra and Delilah as unreasonable women and vicious. I agree. Cleopatra was power crazed. That’s why I don’t like the idea of women being in power. Delilah was simply, plain crazy. I don’t understand how she could do what she did to such a man who loved her the way Samson did. If I had a man who could love me half as much, I would rather be his slave. Samson deserved a better woman. But I guess that’s just the way things are, because as N said himself, things happen for a reason. And women are difficult to understand so they will forever remain a mystery. Don’t men love mystery? The thing is, once men figure out women, they won’t desire them as much, so that is why women will always be an enigma, so they will always have men wrapped around their little fingers, the vicious manipulators that they are.
I don’t see men and women as equals. There are flaws in both sexes. But in a home, a man and a woman complement each other. Life without its complications won’t be as enlightening. Perfection only belongs to God. Why would anyone even dream to achieve that? And how does one know he has achieved near-perfection, when there has never been an actual measuring system for perfection?
Of Adam and Eve, we all know what Eve did was a foolish thing, but seeing the human race today, do we really want to believe that we are worthy of an eternity in heaven? Perhaps God had second thoughts, what had man done to deserve eternity in heaven, other than to just exist? So he decided that man should earn his place in heaven. Eve was the catalyst. Again, just another assumption on my part.
Adam should have educated her on the consequences and enforced the education with a lot of sex so she wouldn’t have had the urge to eat the damned fruit. See what happened when a man ignores a woman?
But really, should anyone blame every woman they know for the things these women had done in the past? If women really are of no benefit and nothing but pain, why did He create her in the first place? Wouldn’t things be better if Adam could prance around in all his naked glory in heaven, alone? And then if God decided to make more men out of Adam, won’t it be better for men to have sex with other men? Things happen for a reason, remember?
Men, in all his greatness, should learn to forgive and forget. That is the biggest test of true superiority.
If women are as bad as you see them, then why are all the major wars of the world started by men? And the best part was, the Trojans even waged war over a lowly woman. Of all things to fight over…. A woman?
Yes, I have done a lot of pondering and will be doing a lot more.
p/s : Hitler was definitely a man.