Sunday, August 16, 2009

jelesi

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James


Things I hate about jealousy is how it makes one become so obsessed that nothing a lover can say in explanation will take away the doubt and anger that had been simmering inside. Jealousy makes one blind. Jealousy makes one crazy. Jealousy makes one become a stalker. Jealousy is so not sexy.

So how come it happens to me again and again ruining a perfectly happy relationship?

I keep letting myself forget that bit about trust and being redha of qadha and qadar. Because when these voices speaks to me, I listen to only them and not to the knowledge and experience I already have when it comes to jealousy and the kind of damage it can cause on me and the relationship that I am having.

It's so hard to have trust again when it has been broken a few times before. It's tough when this things silently creeps in alongside the love that keeps growing by the day. I try not to let it overcome the whole situation, but it seems to me that the more I care and takes someone seriously, the more obsessed I would be of the things that he does without me. Why does that have to happen to me? Why can I recover from this disease? Do I feel so unworthy of love that I cannot truly believe that someone can really love me for who I am and I risk losing a perfectly good relationship just over something so untangible as jealousy?

At the end of the day, bukan dia milik Allah swt? And whatever he does behind your back, when you are legally bound by marriage, he has to answer to Allah? Why do I let myself get crazy over something petty like jealousy?

I just don't understand what is wrong with me that I fear infidelity so much that I choose to be single all the way to this age. Even if there was anyone who wanted to marry me, I'd just brush it off as a joke. I am that insecure in myself that being alone would be a much better option that have someone to love and share a life with. It feels so good to be alone and not worry about a cheating lover that I never complained on being single. Have I complained in this blog about being single? I don't remember. But I know I never had qualms about being single. It's just so much easier.

Having someone to love and cherish would be nice of course. But hearing horror stories left right and center does not help.

I remember telling myself once, so what if he cheats? Everyone makes a mistake once in a while. We are human after all. Yes, so what if he cheats? I don't know the answer to that. All I know is that it bothers me. Why does he have to cheat? I keep asking myself. I don't even have the answer to that either. But I once read in a newspaper article, that simply said; They cheat, because they can.

That's a scary thought, isn't it?

So, if you catch your man cheating on you, does forgiving him mean you love him and forgiving him is a part of loving him, or are you lowering your standards by doing so?

I saw Aw@y From Her. Her husband cheated on her. But being the classy lady that she is in the story, she forgave him. And since he is a sort of a good guy with honor, he ditched the other girl and quit the university where he was teaching and took his wife to live in the countryside where they spent the rest of their retired lives cross-country skiing and reading books to each other before bed and having friends over for dinner parties. She never forgot about it of course, but she thinks that people who demands to be in love all the time are selfish. How I wish I can be as care-free as she is.

She didn't lower her standards at all by forgiving him. She made everything well again by doing so. And his love for her remained strong and grew and grew.

It's not a bad thing to forgive. But how can one be sure that he/she is truly remorseful of the wrong that he/she has done and go back to you and willing to spend the rest of your days making amends and remaining faithful to you. She is one remarkable lady, that one.

Anyway, if you have tips on how to handle this thing, send 'em to me. It's really starting to eat me alive. I need to get control of it.

And if you have a problem with jealousy, read Understanding The Anatomy of Jealousy here.

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