weekend update

Ku sangka dah habis, rupanya ada lagi.

Kusangka aku dah boleh puasa, rupanya belum lagiks. Tapi hari ni I puasa anyway, cuz I dinch tau, sampailah I got back home dalam kul 8 tadi. Ahaks. Takpe. Kalau I wanted to eat pun, kat mananya kan? Besides, I don't find not eating in the daytime a big deal. The driving around and the shopping just took it all off of my mind, and besides, I had set my mind to fasting mode to be bothered about being hungry.

Bangun pagi tadi kul 5.30. I am very bad at being punctual. I can only be punctual when it is a matter of life and death. Like for PMR or SPM. Everything else can wait. That is so bad, isn't it? I hate that about myself! Oh, but I am seldom late for school. It's just strange.

Anyway, woke up at 5.30... golek-golek malas dulu in bed. Staring at the ceiling and at the things in my room. It's such a mess at the moment, I have a whole Sunday to get everything in order. Promised Mimi that I will be leaving my place at 7 this morning, which means that I will arrive at his place in half an hour after that. And for once, this morning, I was only ten minutes late for my departure. Usually, it would be an hour. Because masa tu la I wanna kemas rumah dulu, then check air and minyak hitam kereta and do the other stuff before I leave the house. Nasib baik I don't wash the car dulu before leaving...

Hari ini, pergi KK, hantar Z balik kampung. Dia nak naik bas. Tapi I thought why not I je hantar dia because it would be after the end of PMR, so I would be able to go for a day out to destress after the 5-day long jaga PMR tu. Ye, dia balik a few days earlier than the rest of us, dah mohon cuti rehat khas (CRK) untuk menguruskan majlis pernikahan dia yang akan berlangsung pada malam Raya nanti. I can only imagine the kind of emotions she is going through right now. Balik dari beraya kali ni, dia sudah jadi isteri orang. Walaupun they would be apart for a while sementara dia apply for a transfer to be with her husband, I don't know it would still be the same. Tadi hantar dia ke airport, kami lepak sampai kul 3.30 and then had to leave in order to be able to reach Sipitang in time for berbuka. I didn't notice that she had tears in her eyes when we left. Mimi did, and he mentioned it later to me in the car. I hope Z didn't feel that I do not appreciate the full extent of her situation, I just hate goodbyes and just wanted it to be done and over with as soon as possible. Even with N pun, I would usually just say goodbye and walk away, not looking back at all. But then again, with Z, I just knew she was just too happy to be married soon, that that particular goodbye this afternoon was no big deal anyway.

Soon she will be united with the man her family chose for her and being the dutiful daughter, she had nurtured the feelings for this man, and I hope their love will flourish and thrive to the end of time.

Sesampainya di KK tadi, weols ingat nak merayau-rayau di Wisma Merdeka. Tapi, today being the last Saturday before Raya, everyone was out in full throttle for their Raya shopping. So there was no parking space left at that place. That must be the place with the best bargains. So we went to CentrePoint instead.

The first thing I did? Went to a shoe store and got myself another pair of the shoes I am so in love with and wore today. It is 4inches high but extremely comfortable, I wore it all day and I could still walk another mile in it. Cewah. Then pergilah merayau-rayau dalam shopping complex tu. Biasalah, orang ramailah, kan? Got some other stuff and temankan si Mimi mencari his stuff. Z got herself another malay love novel from the bookstore and then we were on our way to the airport.

There was a fish shop at the airport and there was a fish tank with exotic fish in it. They were constantly moving, so there was no decent picture of the fish. Just the anemone that was so graceful in the water just waving in the currents.


Amy (we like to call him Mimi) posing in front of the tank. Taste tak? Mak dinch tau, uols!His favorite things to say; "Gadis cantik memang selalu dicemburui." Ko ado? Non ado....!

These are the photos we took today.

Yang kat bawah ni, we took minggu lepas, on Saturday juga. Gila pergi KK kah aku? Entah... agaknya.

Me and Z kat food court at the basement having something for iftar. That phone in my hand is not mine, it belongs to my coursemate kat U dulu, Nat. Next photo is me, Nat and Mimi, at the bowling alley. Then another photo if Z in Mimi's sunnies, and the last one is of Mimi, making that 'aku merenung masa depan' look he loves so much when being photographed. It just makes him looks so adorable, don't you think?

Lepas tinggalkan Z kat airport, kami singgah di Bazaar Ramadhan di Lok Kawi. Kat kem askar. Beli apa... makanan la, apa lagi? Nasi lauk ikan and gulai rebung, kuey teow and laksam lagi. Aku dah pening fikir bila masa la nak makan semua ni. Balik kang aku sorang je kat umah. Lepas tu, kami teruskan perjalanan. Sampai di Sipitang, we stopped for iftar at the usual mamak place. Ala, tak banyak kedai makan di situ. And most of them tak memenuhi citarasa la. And at the moment, we like to have Indian food. I had the lamb curry as usual. And he had kari ikan, and he ordered ke papadam and telur goreng dari mamak tu.

Lepas makan, we went on, I hantar Mimi to his place, kat kuarters sekolahnya. It's a nice flat. I used to go there cuz dulu I had another friend sebelum she moved back to Perak. Dulu she was my housemate. Tapi bila sekolah baru tu dibuka, she was listed to be one of the teachers to teach there, so she had to move there juga.

Lepas hantar Mimi, of course, I had to drive home alone. I have never done that before. My biggest fear driving alone in the dark palm oil estates? Kalau apa-apa hal berlaku to my car, I would be stranded in the middle of nowhere dengan all these pal estate workers all over the place. Dangerous la... Tapi, I just doa la sikit kan, and as I was reaching the junction that leads to the main road keluar dari simpang ke sekolah Mimi, ada lori treler and a kancil headed my way. I pun terus ikut and potong those vehicles. Kalau apa-apa hal berlaku biarlah aku yang ada kat depan, boleh juga mintak tolong kan? Itupun kalau mereka nak berhenti. Siapa nak berhenti kat area macam tu? There had been tales of robbery and murder all along that stretch of road.

I was familiar with the road, I have been through there hundreds of times if not thousands, so I know every bend and curve even in the dark. So, apa lagi, mak bawakla keter tu selaju yang dia mampu with Avril Lavigne singing my favorite in a loop at full blast. Muahahaha! tak sampai setengah jam, sampailah ke rumah.

Alhamdulillah, selamat sejahtera. I credit my safety to my mom's endless prayers for my well-being.

Took everything out of the car and changed, and makan, makan dan makan lagi sambil menonton TV dan menaip blog. Now, watching Capote on Star Movies.

Tadi out of the blue, my cousin called me. Amir, the youngest son of my aunt, my mom's younger sister. I met Amir at the funeral of one of my uncles. Our families had been estranged for a few years now, due to some internal problems. I wish it could be solved. I pray to God. Anyway, we exchanged numbers when I found out that he had been studying in UMS in KK for the past few years, in botany. What can I say, that little boy who used to germinate seeds in wet cotton wool in plastic cups when he was a wee school boy is now a young man still in love with growing things and the science of it all. And he's turned out into a good looking young man as well. I'll post his photo is I have them later, cuz we're meeting at the airport next Thursday. We both are going home on the same day, but different flights.

I have his number, but as always, I never bother calling, sebab I always think that my phone calls for no matter who would be unwelcome. Glad that he called me, though. We talked for a few minutes before hanging up.

I wish we could be like before it happened. I hold no grudge for him. The matter was between his mother and mine. It is just so unfair that we children had to make a stand on whose side we are on.

I hold no grudge on him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sepanjang bulan Ramadhan kali ini, aku lebih rajin memasak dari tahun sebelumnya. Tidaklah aku ambil photos of the food I cooked with Zana every day. Tapi adalah sesekali tu yang aku ambil. Well, to be honest, just 2 kali tu je yang aku ambil. Selalunya biasa-biasa je masakan kami. Tapi ada dua occasion tu yang agak luar basa sikit kuantiti masakannya. Bila tak habis, masuk dalam peti sejuk. The next time, lepas panaskan, dah tak sedap, tapi yang sebenarnya aku ada irritable bowel syndrome so aku agak takut makan masakan yang berpanaskan ni. Takut kena food poisoning, so in the end, buang je la. Membazir, kan? Tapi bukan selalu buat cam tu. Jangan marah mak, nok!

Ni makan untuk 4 orang, oklah sikit. Adalah juga luaknya lauk-pauknya.

Tapi ini....?


Mak makan dengan Z je. Pengsan....

Benda yang wajib ada masa sepanjang bulan puasa kali ini ialah, pegedil ikan, yang Z selalu buat. Tahun lepas, I made them. Tapi tak tahulah kenapa, tahun ni, Z yang rajin nak buat, each time. Then ada sambal belacan, atau sambal tempoyak, petai, ulam-ulam lain, and most important of all, sejag besar sirap ros yang ada biji selasih dan kembang semangkuk. And every night, memang makan nasik. Lauk biasa, masak lemak cili api atau masak kicap. Ada buat black pepper beef, sebab terliur tengok blog di Bella yang memaparkan kesedapan black pepper beef sebuah gerai di bazaar ramadhan kat sana tu.

Sini pun ada juga bazaar ramadhan. Lauk-pauk dan kuih-muihnya memang sedap, tapi sebab dah bertahun-tahun kat sini, weols tengok, sama je, so tibalah masanya untuk rajin sikit memasak untuk memenuhi kehendak tekak ni yang dah lama merindui masakan semenanjung. Lagipun bagus juga, kan? Ke bazaar tu untuk beli kuih atau beli air linchikang je. Atau umai. Sebab umai ni, kalau sekali buat, I mesti terbuat banyak. Tak pernah lagi berbuang sebelum ni. Tapi sebab gatal kan? Beli je seringgit. Muahahaha....!

Tapi tiba je hari Rabu, mesti kami ke Sipitang, ajak Mimi sekali. Pergi ke bazaar di Sipitang, beli kuih-muih then pergi kedai mamak tu. Mamak tu suka betul bila tengok kami. Kadang, dia bagi tembikai free. Hari tu dia masakkan telur ikan special for us. Manalah tak sukanya, kalau tengok selera makan masing-masing mengalahkan gladiator.

Kalau tak pergi Sipitang, dua tiga malam ni ada juga ke masjid ikut tarawikh. Bukan aku nak tunjuk alim. Kalau korang nak tahu, aku ni dah 10 tahun tak pergi tarawikh. Tahun ni aku rasa terpanggil untuk ke masjid melaksanakan solat sunat tu secara berjamaah. Memang N ada juga menyuruh aku ke masjid untuk tarawikh. Tapi sebenarnya selama ni, tahun demi tahun, aku menantikan kalau-kalau ada orang yang nak mengajak aku ke masjid. Tapi tak ada pun. Bukan aku nak menyalahkan sesiapa dalam hal ni, tapi dengan reputasi aku sebagai 'orang jahat' kat pekan ni, thanks to some mulut puaka penabur fitnah yang gigih (pasangan suami isteri pulak tu) aku agak phobia nak menunjuk muka di masjid pekan ni sebab bimbang orang akan mengata aku yang bukan-bukan. Pengikutnya bukan sedikit. Aku takut dikatakan berpura-pura. tapi aku lupa, yang aku tak sepatutnya takut pada mereka. Aku patut lebih takut akan Tuhan, dan sayangkan diri dengan mendekatkan diri dengan Allah. Bukannya lagi melarikan diri daripada sesuatu yang aku tak nampak. So tahun ni, aku gagahkan diri, dan untuk malam pertama aku ke masjid tu, aku tebalkan muka, manalah tahu kalau-kalau terjumpa koncho-koncho orang itu. Alhamdulillah, bila aku pergi ke sana dengan rela hati, I found out yang the experience had a calming effect on me and I had a very good time menjalankan solat sunat tu secara berjemaah. Aku tak sabar untuk mula berpuasa semula esok supaya aku dapat ke masjid untuk ikut tarawikh lagi. Kali ni Z tak ada untuk ikut aku pergi. Aku akan ajak Lini dan Zura pulak, kalau mereka sudi.

Malam esok, maybe I will settle with spaghetti je for berbuka, mungkin sampai Khamis when it is time for me to fly home. I will be alone these last few days sebelum balik kampung, so takde berapa semangat sangat nak masak-masak for berbuka. I doubt that I will buy anything from the bazaar. So kalau nak makan nasik, nanti I will have to go to the market la cari fish and chicken.

Oh, I don't do sahur. Not because of anything. I just find that I would get stomach discomfort and feel lethargic throughout the day if I do. When I was younger, my parents would force me to wake up in the middle of the morning and with my eyes still closed, I would force myself to eat. My dad selalu marah me, teruk sangat kaki tidurnya sampai suruh sahur pun boleh sahur sambil mata tertutup. Masa kat asrama, kawan-kawan ajak bersahur. Kalau tak bangun, digegarnya katil. And aktiviti petang kat sekolah berjalan macam biasa, so kenalah sahur. Tapi bila dah masuk U, tinggal dengan family, my parents dah tak paksa me makan sahur lagi lepas beberapa kali memaksa dan tengok I okay puasa tanpa sahur. Tapi, my mom said, masa bujang ni okaylah tak nak sahur, tapi kalau dah berumahtangga, dapat pulak husband yang mesti sahur, susah la nanti. I think I will find a way to handle that. We humans are remarkable beings who can adapt to just about anything, right?

Random Photo

Z and I bought a pair of almost identical sandals at the tamu in Sipitang. Gambar ni weols amik masa hadir majlis berbuka puasa dan tarawikh di sekolah sempena Ramadhan.
Guess which of these are my feet. Siapa betul saya bagi limaposen.
W, no prize for the right answer.

Tahun ni, I ketua PMR, tapi I tak buat claim. Malas. So I hantar semua claims anak-anak buah except for mine. There was no objections from my Penyelia Kawasan, takpelah tu kan? Mesti mereka gembira sebab ada kurang sorang buat claims.

Random Photo 2

Ni photo I took of my and Cyril, masa balik dari Limbang after having attended the Taklimat Pengendalian PMR di PPG.
Kenapa ada banyak? Suka hati aku la, bukan pakai filem pun. Lagipun bukan patah pun jari korang memetik butang tu kan? Taklah, I just wanted to display the many faces of Cyril.
He is such a pleasant person to be with. Oh, he's got a girlfriend dah, uols. Jangan nak verangans, occay?

Esok, Ahad. Aku tahulah kau tahu. Tapi esok aku nak iron baju kerja, lipat baju dan kemas rumah. Adalah benda nak buat to distract me from the fact that I am all alone in this big house for the next few days.

Okaylah, adik-adik dan kawan-kawan. Dah kul 1 lebih ni. I nak mandi, esok nak puasa. Nak tarawikh macam umat Islam lain. Harap uols dapat menghadapi puasa dengan tabah dan beroleh keberkatan atas segala amalan uols sepanjang bulan mulia ni.

Betul orang kata, nak buat baik tu tak susah. Semudah nak buat jahat. Yang pentingnya, hati.

what have i done the last few days

Hey yas....

Am back from Kuching, nak cuci baju, air takde pulak. So, apa lagi nak buat, in this house, all alone? While the things that has happened are still fresh in my mind, I better do it now.

Before I go ahead, I have to warn you, that this is a big ass long entry.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I went to school that morning as usual. Saja nak tunjuk muka and leave things to do to people while I am gone. Macamlah I will be gone forever, kan? Tapi tu lah, memang I have not left the school for long periods of time, since I pegang jawatan ini. So, of course I am a little nervous. Manalah tau, jadi anarchy pulak nanti kan? Choy! Taklah, the students here belum sampai tahap tu lagi. Tapi, manalah tahu...

Then I drove home, beli nasi lemak and balik rumah. Oh, I haven't had breakfast pun. Oh, ye breakfast is a big deal for me. And dinner.

Anyway, ingatkan balik tu nak pack up my stuff and run some errands in town and then tie up some loose ends tapi lepas tu I ended up updating my blog and barely got my stuff packed?

Anyway, right as I was stepping out of the shower, my friend called me and I told her to give me 15 minutes to get dressed and pick her up.

But then after I picked her up, I had to go back home to get my charger for camera battery. Penting woooo.... kalau tertinggal, mau mati dibuatnya wo.... Then tetiba Hajjah Kyah (ni hajjah betul, occay?) came to my place, just as I was getting back into my car. Terkujat plak, cuz I thought she was gonna go with the other Kyah. She told me there was a change in plans because Kyah tu dah pergi awal ke Limbang. So in order to fit Hajjah Kyah's stuff, I had to take out all the sponsored shoes out of the boxes and stacked them up outside my gate.

We were on the way la lepas tu.

Sampai Limbang, pergi taklimat. I was Jurulatih Tak Bertauliah. Tatau ah kenapa mereka nak juga letak mak kat dalam team tuh. Tapi, okaylah, kalau mereka perlukan moral support from me more than they need me as a coach, so be it. Sungguh berkuasa panaskah mak?

Anyway, lepas habis taklimat, mak edarkan barangan sponsored to my players. And seeing that there were cars blocking mine in the crowded parking lot, we went back into the building for tea and some cake. Yes, there were cakes. Chocolate sponge cakes.

Then bawa Hjh Kyah and kak Chae (yang the other friend yang ikut sekali in my car) makan ais kacang kat satu kedai ni. Katanya best la kedai neh. Tapi takde ais kacang original la. Semua yang jenis fancy schmancy. Tapi sebab dah tekak nak makan ABC tapi takde kat tempat lain and also malas nak ke sana ke mari dalam panas buta tu, makan je la kat situ.

Then, we ols ke plaza to do some shopping. Merekalah yang shopping. Kak Chae ikut adik dia later on. Me, I just got myself a new back pack and a haircut, cuz I have been losing a lot of hair. My hair is wavy, ada ke cina kedai tu suggest I straighten it? Hello, I love my wavy hair just the way it is, and just because you can't handle such a complicated style, does not mean I have to conform to the mass. Sorrylah, mak nak straighten my hair lagi ever again. Dah buat sekali dulu, memang la berseri kilatnya. Tapi, muka mak ni yang tak berseri. Sebab bila my hair that frames my face ni dah jadi lurus, ianya menjadikan muka mak ni bertambah bulat, sebulat bola netball. Mak sedar muka mak memang macam bulan purnama bulatnya, itu la all the more reason for me to stick to my natural curls and work with what I have.

FYI, I love my netball face and wavy hair just fine. Itu pasal mak hangin bila mamat tu kata, "Stretten...." dengan selamba badaknya sedang mak berfikir-fikir nak buat lagu mana rambut mak ni. Hangin, babe!

All I wanted was to shorten in with layers. Hopefully that would minimize the hair fall.

Lepas cuci, dia potong. And lepas blow dry, di kirai-kirainya rambut mak! Lagi la mak hangin. Tapi, rambut tu jadi cantik pulak, walau lepas kena kirai. Mak sker!

Lepas tu mak pakai tudung balik, then temankan di Kyah kecik (dia muda dari Hajjah walau nama sama) beli kasut. Selamanyalah aku dok kat dalam salon tu dia tak pergi beli kasut? Rupanya, dia kena tinggal dengan Hajjah, sebab Hajjah pergi CC nak send her assignment kepada pensyarah. Abis kalau sorang tak boleh beli ke, mak tanya dia, dia kata tak bleh. Oh, manjanyalah kau dengan Hajjah Kyah ye? Memang... dia jawab. Adoi adoi...

Lepas tu aku pi cari Hajjah kat CC and dia pun dah selesai mengemail. Kami pun terus pergi kedai kasut sebuah ni. Banyak kedai kasut kat plaza ni, tapi dah sampai situ ada lak yang berkenan, masuk je lah, kan?

Try punya try, dia pergi nak beli kasut warna hitam? It was a pair of black ballet pumps. Aku geram betul. Aku katalah, ko tu muda lagi yang beli kasut cam ni apsal? Aku pun amik la another ballet pumps tapi in gold and has lots of frills on top. Hey, it's not gaudy, it's all about being bold at her age, OK?

Teruslah dia beli tu. Hehehe... kalau kaki ku tak sebesar kaki big foot, aku pun dah sewat satu, taw?

Lepas tu, tetiba dah malam. Mak pergi makan dengan Hajjah Kiah, kat open air tu, mak makan apa? Tak ingat lah. Anyway, lepas tu....

Lepas tu cuba teka mak pergi mana? Mak pergi Penjara Limbang.

No, bukan pergi melawat saudara mak yang banduan, Hajjah Kyah ajak mak spend the night kat umah cousin dia yang happened to be a warder penjara tu. Huhuhuh...

Tingkat 5... mak sikit lagi nak mam... Takde lift, of course. Usually, I would jump at every opportunity untuk kesihatan ni, tapi mak was not in the mood for that that night. Tapi mak naik jugalah, takkan tak tido kat bawah tangga kut?


Thursday, August 16, 2007

I woke up at 5, showered, dressed, packed and had breakfast. Then we both went downstairs, got our stuff to the side of the road, I parked my car a little to the back of the flat building.

Stopped in Miri, and we stopped at every truck stop, ad he eats at every stop. Gila punya driver. Badan dia tak lah gemuk. Is he diabetic, or just has worms?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Half way there, I realized I wanted to see N. Very much so. And I should take that risk and just give him a call.

So I did.

"How is everything?"
"I am fine, so much problems here, have to sort things out,"
"Hmm..."
"So the Pesta is going on at the moment, kan?"
"I don't know... I have school. Tapi tadi tengok persiapannya dah full swing."
"Ye ke? Tapi tadi I heard on the radio...."
"Yeah, well, I have something to tell you, jangan marah..."
"OK..."
"I am on my way to Kuching." I went on explaining why I am on my way to Kuching. He waited for me to finish albeit impatiently.
"You are? Where are you now?" Oh God, that excitement in his voice just broke the ice that's been encasing my heart.
"I don't know. Somewhere. After Sarikei. We spent the night there" Looked at the signboards outside. "Sungai Krian."
"Sungai Krian? Looks like you will be here this afternoon. When are you scheduled to arrive?"
"I am not very aware of the bus driver's schedule... but maybe this afternoon,"
"Okay, then I will call you when you get here."
"No, I will call you when I get there."

Then we stopped at Everise Batu 4. For an hour.

On the bus again, just as the bus trembles back to live, my phone rings. It was him.

"Are you here yet?"
"No, we stopped at Everise Batu 4. And I am not too sure when I will get there, so I don't wanna bother you with phone calls until I get there."
"Okay then, just tell me when you get there."

We did get there, finally, at 5 or something. I called him and asked him... rather told him that I intend to see him tonight, even though he would be the one driving. He asked ot be given half an hour to think.

Think? What is wrong with this guy? He has not seen me for months and when I am finally within reach, he has to think? Just get your ass down here, right now! I don't care about the rest. Even if we have to be stuck in the car all night.

I told him I will settle down in the hostel first, before I get a shower get ready to go out with him.

Half an hour later, he called me and said,

"I am three minutes to the hostel."

He was soooo funny! Padan muka dia kena tunggu me. for 10 more minutes.

I had already showered and put on my make up.

Hoi, before you go judging me, let me tell you this, pandai la korang nak kata I don't like women who puts on too much make up. I'm not gonna say if I put too much on or not, but the thing is, a good powder will even out the skin tone, and a great thick lash will make you seem dreamy and a great lip gloss will make you ten years younger. And I don't give a rat's ass for you losers who does not know how hard for a girl to look natural with make up because I buy my make up myself, with my money and this is my face I am putting it on, and it is N who is gonna look at it and hate or appreciate it.

Oh, and the next time you go on a date, just look closely at your gf and see if she really is au naturel or just too good at putting on make up that you just can't tell.

Anyway, I was sweating bullets by the time I was done getting dressed! Benci!!! I was drenched! How do you try to look relaxed when you are drenched in perspiration! On your first date after months! Aku benci!!!

But I did my best. Everyone in the dorm was surprised to see me all primped up with my Nose sexy heels when in the whole two days to get there, I wore baggy tees and jeans and a sort of a cowboy boots. Frumpy... But they've never seen me at school either. I do dress well when I go to work or when I have to show up for official events. I'm into classic, and I am bad at casual. That's all.

He's been calling me twice to make sure he got to the right place, making me even more nervous. On the way to his car, I don't know what kind of car he drives, and I was talking in the phone, but I could see his silhouette in the car, so I went straight to it, and in doing that, I caught the attention of a very manly looking of a certain Miss Tan(No, I am not saying that she has the hots for me. She is a very nice lady). She quipped that I looked nice, I joked back, Mestilah, nak jumpa lou kung, kan? Dalam hati, God damnit! Kenapa mulut aku ni laju sangat?

I just quickly jumped into the car and said hi to him without even looking at him, as I was still talking to Miss Tan. I finally said goodbye to her and closed the door a few seconds later. I hope that would have made enough impression that I am calm and collected.

Please la... The sudden temperature shift from the hot and humid outside and cold and crisp of the inside of his car was a shock to me and I started feeling self-conscious about being so sweaty. Thank God, the ac was on full blast that my body temp went down a few moments later and I was all dry by the time we got to the place near the river at Fort Margharita.

The food sucked. But I think he was nervous too. So the food didn't matter much. We didn't say much there. We talked about mundane stuff, work, general stuff, life. After paying up, we got back in the car, and we just drove around.

He reached for my hand which I laid on my handbag on my lap. I didn't hold his hand back. I looked outside, like it didn't matter. His hand stayed over mine for a while until he had to shift gears. Then he kept them on the wheels.

He doesn't know how that little gesture made me feel inside. So I reached for his hands, weaved my fingers in between his brought it to my lips and kissed the back of his hand and held on to it on my lap. We held hands in silence. He just drove. I looked outside, trying hard not to cry, staring hard into the darkness outside.

"I never left you."
"Then why did you have to stay away for so long?"
"I just had to get away. In business that is called a retreat. It's good for the soul." Augh!
"Am I adding to your problems?"
"No."
"Am I a problem? Am I making things difficult for you?"
"No, no, no. There are so many problems at the moment. I just can't drop everything and go see you."

He did say that he wished that we'd lose all our games so he'd be able to have me all day Sunday. Was that bad of him? No, I told him Limbang never won. He just said that so he could have more time with me.

The rest of the ride was spent quietly. I had to go back to the hostel for the briefing for coaches and managers at the school hall. He sent me back to the hostel and promised to pick me up for breakfast the next day and dropping me off for the match afterwards.

I went to the briefing, followed by a meeting with the organizer of our respective events.

That night, Kapit pulled out at the last minute, so we ended up playing the first game. No breakfast with N.

That night, we reshuffled the team because we were short of veteran players. So in the end, I ended up being the manager and the lady who was manager, had to play GS, which I was supposed to play.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

How did we do? Badly. As expected. We lost all three games. But I am still proud of my girls because they did make an effort to put up a fight. These people are mostly state-level players and they have the know hows of everything from nutrition to practice and exercises. How can my team beat them? I look at it as a learning curve that will prepare me for next year, if we are given another chance that is.

That night, we went to Topspot for dinner. Dinner was a lot of seafood and air kelapa. Then because there was so much left over, he asked for the waitress to ta pao it. Then we drove to his place and dropped the ta pao there for his daughter. His maid came out. His youngest daughter was probably upstairs. Then he showed me around his neighborhood and where his workplace was. It was within the housing area. Which is a great thing, from my point of view.

Then it was late, he took me back to the school where my team and I were staying.

In case you are thinking why doesn't he put me up in a hotel room where it would be more comfortable, he shouldn't, I am team manager, and leaving them behind when I go see him is bad enough, I should not abandon them altogether.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

He called me and said he would pick me up in an hour. I showered and dressed and again, he was early. Everyone else have left earlier by bus on their own day trip around the city.

We went to Bau for a hearty breakfast of tempoyak goreng, fried salted eggs, rice and ayam pansoh. Who has those for breakfast? We did. And as funny as most people would think those sounded, they were great. Especially with N across the table, anything would be great.

The we went to Serikin where people go to buy things at a cheap price because the things being sold there are from Indonesia. He could have taken me to Tebedu, but I don't have an international passport. So Serikin was the next best thing.

I walked all over the place not buying anything but I took a lot of photos, telling him I don't know what to buy, but I know my mom would have a great time here. After looking at those things and getting all sweaty, we got back in the car, and as he maneuver the car through the throng of people, I called W on my cell phone telling her where I was, and asked her what would she want from there. Handbags.

I got off the car, and N sempat cakap, why not get the pretty prayer shrouds for my mom. And while he got the car out of the market, I went to bargain for those things. I got three handbags, 2 prayer shrouds with gold ruffles and a sunglass.

Cool.

Got back in the car, and after stopping by at the market for some vegetables, we drove back to town. And where did he take me? To his office!

There he turned on his computer and made me sit in his chair and actually told me to use the internet. He's loosened up all right, but now he is nervous again. I wondered why, subconsciously.

He told me that he was offered to run the same college in KK. He has his misgivings and still thinking about it. He likes KK, but then it would mean leaving something he had worked hard for. I told him, just because he likes something doesn't mean that he has to live there. It can always be a retreat for him. Actually living there would take that something special from it. He said he's still thinking about it. Besides, nanti dapat major pain because the people in Sabah is not exactly like people in Sarawak. He might regret his decision.

I sat in his chair, but I told him that I am fine, I don't need to use the internet, but I fiddled around with his computer and then he pulled out a drawer in his desk.

"Here, I wanna show you something."
It was a piece of paper congratulating him for a job well done.
"Awww... congratulations! I am so proud of you!"
"Wait, wait, read till the end!" He was so happy, like a little boy! I read on.
It was a piece of paper congratulating him for a job well done and the prize is a honeymoon trip for two for umrah or Indonesia and must be claimed in 12 months time.
"Alah, that is so sweet. Kesiannya... Tak boleh pergi seorang ke?"
Then he did the cutest thing, I think. He took something from the drawer and clipped my photo onto the letter. I was speechless.

But we both laughed and I took that as a joke of course. No use taking everything seriously and ruin things. Really, I didn't mind.

There was The Battle of The Bands going on at his college at that time. I think he was at the office because he wanted to watch out for trouble makers because all the while we were there, he kept going outside and watching for suspicious groups of people. Besides, he has always spent Sundays at the office, he didn't know exactly what to do with me around? I don't know.

I fiddled with my laptop that I took with me because of the safety issue at the school. I moved new images from my already filled up camera memory card to the laptop and looked at new ones while he worked on his computer. Then I got sleepy and took a nap, propping myself on his desk. It was all good. Then I woke up, he was praying and I didn't know what else to do, so I got myself online and updated my blog.

Then it was 4 pm and he was hungry again when he realized that we have not had lunch yet. I tak perasan I was hungry because I had a lot of mints.

We went for nasi goreng kampung with Tandoori chicken. I saw some lamb curry, so he got me that too. He feeds me like a daughter.

Afterwards, we went driving around, and he got me some ayam percik and nasi kerabu for dinner. Tapao'ed because we were still very full from 'lunch' at 4 pm. I asked him to buy me a plastic sack to put all my dirty laundry.

I ended up sharing all that food with the rest of my roomates because they have yet to have dinner. Kesian they all tu. Bus driver cam shial. Benci! Tapi takpelah, I was really still full, so there was plenty to share.

Malam tu tetiba orang kata, kita akan balik jam 4.00 pagi. I felt like crying. But all I did was paksa myself to sleep and hope for the best, as they all went downstairs to watch the karaoke competition at the school hall. They had asked me to put on some make up on them. They were so happy, I just couldn't believe it.

Then they told me that they will discuss the departure time further the next day before breakfast. Tennis tak habis lagi. Tapi ada orang nak ambil PTK.

I called and text him telling him about it. He doesn't answer the phone after 8pm. I knew that. I left him a voice message.

Monday, August 20, 2007

He called me at 5.54am asking me where I was, thinking that I have left. I told him there was a change of plans and we won't know till they talk about it later.

So everyone left for breakfast while I waited for him in our room. When he called again, I was already putting on my shoes.

We went for breakfast, of mee jawa and satay. Satay? For breakfast? Here they do have satay for breakfast.

Then we drove around and I made a lot of videos of him telling jokes. We laughed so much! I took a whole lot more photos of us. We looked like we were having a lot of fun in them. I love those photos. And I took so many because I would at least have these if he decides to hide away again.

I told him that only go to KK if he wants to have a new challenge. He said if he decides to go there, it would be for good and he would just settle down there and build a new life there. Whatever his decision, I hope that life would include me.

Then he bought me nasi tapao of kari kambing. Aww... To me that is adorable.Suka hati korang la nak kata he is strange ke apa ke. The thing is, he makes sure that I am properly fed, even up to the very last moment we were spending together. That's nice and sweet of him. And don't go making him look and sound creepy.

Anyway, then he sent me back to the school. He told me that he didn't buy me that sack, because he's got three bags in the trunk instead for me to choose from. He opened the trunk and I just picked the huge green luggage. He just looked at me and my selection. I asked him if he bought it on one of his Mecca trips. Somehow the arab words in the tiny sticker just made me wanna say Mecca. And he asked me how I knew. Oh it was the sticker, I said, and he went back into his car, I opened the front passenger side door, leaned in and salam and kissed his hand and said goodbye.

There was plenty of time to pack up my things and plenty of room too with more than enough left for my friends to tumpang the bag and also the netball ball and bibs too. I realized it was a Samsonite. Patutla beg tu nampak menarik je. Hahaha... but it's mine now. He said so. So while the rest of the team went to get some lunch at the cafeteria we never knew was there, I laid in the bed looking at the videos we made earlier in the morning while waiting to get downstairs.

Barang-barang semua dah bawa turun kecuali my last luggage and back pack. Tunggu, tunggu. Dah kul 11.30 I went turned off the lights and fan and went to sit at the top of the stairs where I would be able to see the bus when it comes around.

When it did, my team members belum lagi turun from the cafeteria. I ended up lifting all their bags and mine into the bus after calling them on my cellphone to get their asses on the bus or else. Oddly, after all that heavy lifting, my spirits were still very much high up in the air. Usually, I would be stark raving mad because I hate having to do things for other people unnecessarily. But since I love my girls so much, I'll excuse their tardiness this time. And because I was still all dreamy over N and the fun we had all morning.

The trip back was crazy. We left Kuching at 12 and we reached Miri at 6am the next day. The driver is crazy, I tell you. Just pee stops, no shower. I had my videos and photos on my camera, so I was fine.

In Limbang, we were dropped off at the penjara and then Hajjah and I stopped by Kyah's palce for some durian fix. It was great. There was plenty and I ate with such glee.

Then it was time to go home, not after some sup tulang for a late lunch at a restaurant in Limbang.

Sampai Lawas... I realized forgot to call my landlady to tell her I was coming home. I didn't think it was a big problem because it was Monday and they have a business to run. I was wrong. It was the school break, of course they would be off gallivanting somewhere with their kids! Bodo la aku!

I called them and true enough, they were just leaving KK and in Papar at that moment. Matila aku kena tunggu. I asked Hajjah Kyah to join me for lepak and tea at the wharf and then when it was time to leave, I went to the riverside and lepak there alone. Then it got so boring, I went to the gas station, filled up and drove to Punang. There, I sat in the car, in the dark and attempted to play the games on the cellphone. I sucked. Then my phone rang and it was my landlady telling me that she was home. I drove back and unpacked my car.

Wanted to do my laundry, but there was no water. Geram betul. So what else is there to do other than update my blog.

It's 3 am and I am still here writing, because I don't wanna do it when I have forgotten most of the details.

I'll post photos tomorrow. Oh... we're going to Jerudong Park on Thursday. Is that awesome or what?