Love. Love. Love.
Love food blogs with very professionally taken photos. And there are millions out there.
Especially the ones where they show you how the end product is produced.
MmmmmmMMmmMMmmMmmmm...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
vibe
Too used being the one in control. Not due to the fact that I am a control freak. More of a 'if you want something done well, do it yourself' kind of thing. But sometimes, I do wonder how it feels like to have someone strong and confident taking over the reigns and tell me with conviction, these words that I want to hear so much; "Don't worry, honey. Everything will be OK. I've got you."
Being independent and in control of most of the things in my life does have its disadvantages. No one who approaches me in my workplace or my daily life is up to par. Or have the guts, or the will, or the need to approach me the way I need them to.
This is not desperation. Just a realization that unless I change the kind of vibe I am emanating from my person, I will just have to move away to someplace new and start over with the personality bit.
It's all in the vibe, baby.
Being independent and in control of most of the things in my life does have its disadvantages. No one who approaches me in my workplace or my daily life is up to par. Or have the guts, or the will, or the need to approach me the way I need them to.
This is not desperation. Just a realization that unless I change the kind of vibe I am emanating from my person, I will just have to move away to someplace new and start over with the personality bit.
It's all in the vibe, baby.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
crush
Watch him in action on BBC's Judge John Deed at 8pm every Saturday then you will know what I mean.
If you agree that some men do get better with age, like wine (ack!) then he just might be one of the better specimen.
If you agree that some men do get better with age, like wine (ack!) then he just might be one of the better specimen.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
aspirations and forgiveness
Adeque-adeque semua...
Sometimes, time changes people and perspectives.
I have met a lot of people throughout my life. And a lot of them have different perspectives of who I really am. Most of them, never ever really see my true self. They could only see only one side of me, because that is the side I choose to show them or, more accurately, it is that side of me that they have forced themselves to see. Most of the time, out of context. I don't blame them. Who has time to get to really know a person when there is so many other things going on in the world.
Here I am, close to my next birthday. I still don't feel this age I am approaching, nor do I know how I should be feeling at this age. I think that's a good thing because it keeps me upbeat and optimistic. I admit that I am still very much immature for my age. But when that is what expected of you, it get very difficult for me to change overnight, without raising any eyebrows, or being labelled a hypocrite. So I am willing to live with this caricature I have made of myself for the time that I will keep on spending here. It's not a very nice feeling, hiding behind this cartoon character. But that is who I am here; to them. As long I am doing my job, I'll be fine. Don't get me wrong. Do you think it feels good to deceive people with this facade I put on when I go to work every day when I go to work? It does not feel good. It's tiring. But just so that people will keep thinking that I am a thick-faced, power-crazed megalomaniac albeit immature at work is very important for me because I don't want anyone to think that I am a weak and sad being who needs to be pitied. I am not another mental welfare case. I am supposed to be the backbone. The driving force, at least for my committee.
It's funny, but some of the things that I feel had been my shortcomings have actually proven to be my best qualities. Through some painful and embarrassing times that I only realize later on. What is that, eh? Is there a definition for it? A word to describe it? To rush through life and only realize what kind of crap I had gotten away with for the way that I am? The way people think I am.
Nowadays, I realize how hurtful to others it can be so now I am more cautious. But being cautious also means that I have to be careful with every word I say, every step I take. That takes a huge chunk of the edge that I have been bravely bearing all this while. Ignorance was certainly bliss, when you know that these hurts heal and will crust over and make that person so much stronger from the experience. Let them hate me. I don't care. I am past that period of my life where I am like an eager puppy wanting, desiring nothing more to have as many friends in my life. Right now, I am just happy with the few that I have. I hope to be able to nurture these relationships, because they were the ones who really knew me from that era when I was still the wide-eyed naivette who is always game for anything that life might throw at me and won't care about how badly I will be scraped in the process. The rest are just space-fillers; people who choose to see me as the monster.
I am not saying I am the lifeline of this place where I am working. But when I look at the people around me, who are supposed to be working closely with me under my committee, when I decide to leave this place, will they still do what they are doing under my committee out of their heartfelt concern of the children of this school? I am not saying that they are not concerned. But I understand the fact that some of the classes are filled with crappy kids who don't give a damn about much, and they are themselves bogged down by other stuff, mainly teaching. But like I have said, what they are facing now is nothing compared to what they will have to brave when it is time for them to move to a new work environment. Rata-rata, the ones who have moved are complaining what kind of crazy working days they have to live through.
Bottomline is, at the risk of me sounding life a self-righteous bitch, will the one taking over from me keep the passion that I have eversince I came here, when it comes to the welfare of these children? And the teachers who teach them.
So, if one day you realize that the people who were once your so-called friends turn on you, don't mind them. They're human. And in my case, they never really knew you true motives. Or lack thereof. Forgive them, even when it is impossible to forget the hurt. Be good, do good and be patient. Because if they were really friends, they will realize what that crap was all about and be your friend again. If not, then they are just co-workers. Colleagues. Just work with them and don't expect too much of that relationship. Because expecting too much of a scarred experience will only hurt you again. Leave it the way it is and let it surprise you.
This entry is a bit all over the place.
To sum it up,
1. Aku doakan bakal pengganti aku boleh buat jauh lebih bagus daripada apa yang aku dah buat selama aku kat sini. Aku tahu aku banyak kelemahan. Itu pasal aku mau pengganti aku orang yang lebih bagus dan dedikasi akan kebajikan dan disiplin pelajar di bawah mereka.
2. Maafkan mereka yang telah menyakiti mu tanpa sengaja, kerana pastinya kau juga telah menyakiti mereka, one way or another.
I think. :-)
Sometimes, time changes people and perspectives.
I have met a lot of people throughout my life. And a lot of them have different perspectives of who I really am. Most of them, never ever really see my true self. They could only see only one side of me, because that is the side I choose to show them or, more accurately, it is that side of me that they have forced themselves to see. Most of the time, out of context. I don't blame them. Who has time to get to really know a person when there is so many other things going on in the world.
Here I am, close to my next birthday. I still don't feel this age I am approaching, nor do I know how I should be feeling at this age. I think that's a good thing because it keeps me upbeat and optimistic. I admit that I am still very much immature for my age. But when that is what expected of you, it get very difficult for me to change overnight, without raising any eyebrows, or being labelled a hypocrite. So I am willing to live with this caricature I have made of myself for the time that I will keep on spending here. It's not a very nice feeling, hiding behind this cartoon character. But that is who I am here; to them. As long I am doing my job, I'll be fine. Don't get me wrong. Do you think it feels good to deceive people with this facade I put on when I go to work every day when I go to work? It does not feel good. It's tiring. But just so that people will keep thinking that I am a thick-faced, power-crazed megalomaniac albeit immature at work is very important for me because I don't want anyone to think that I am a weak and sad being who needs to be pitied. I am not another mental welfare case. I am supposed to be the backbone. The driving force, at least for my committee.
It's funny, but some of the things that I feel had been my shortcomings have actually proven to be my best qualities. Through some painful and embarrassing times that I only realize later on. What is that, eh? Is there a definition for it? A word to describe it? To rush through life and only realize what kind of crap I had gotten away with for the way that I am? The way people think I am.
Nowadays, I realize how hurtful to others it can be so now I am more cautious. But being cautious also means that I have to be careful with every word I say, every step I take. That takes a huge chunk of the edge that I have been bravely bearing all this while. Ignorance was certainly bliss, when you know that these hurts heal and will crust over and make that person so much stronger from the experience. Let them hate me. I don't care. I am past that period of my life where I am like an eager puppy wanting, desiring nothing more to have as many friends in my life. Right now, I am just happy with the few that I have. I hope to be able to nurture these relationships, because they were the ones who really knew me from that era when I was still the wide-eyed naivette who is always game for anything that life might throw at me and won't care about how badly I will be scraped in the process. The rest are just space-fillers; people who choose to see me as the monster.
I am not saying I am the lifeline of this place where I am working. But when I look at the people around me, who are supposed to be working closely with me under my committee, when I decide to leave this place, will they still do what they are doing under my committee out of their heartfelt concern of the children of this school? I am not saying that they are not concerned. But I understand the fact that some of the classes are filled with crappy kids who don't give a damn about much, and they are themselves bogged down by other stuff, mainly teaching. But like I have said, what they are facing now is nothing compared to what they will have to brave when it is time for them to move to a new work environment. Rata-rata, the ones who have moved are complaining what kind of crazy working days they have to live through.
Bottomline is, at the risk of me sounding life a self-righteous bitch, will the one taking over from me keep the passion that I have eversince I came here, when it comes to the welfare of these children? And the teachers who teach them.
So, if one day you realize that the people who were once your so-called friends turn on you, don't mind them. They're human. And in my case, they never really knew you true motives. Or lack thereof. Forgive them, even when it is impossible to forget the hurt. Be good, do good and be patient. Because if they were really friends, they will realize what that crap was all about and be your friend again. If not, then they are just co-workers. Colleagues. Just work with them and don't expect too much of that relationship. Because expecting too much of a scarred experience will only hurt you again. Leave it the way it is and let it surprise you.
This entry is a bit all over the place.
To sum it up,
1. Aku doakan bakal pengganti aku boleh buat jauh lebih bagus daripada apa yang aku dah buat selama aku kat sini. Aku tahu aku banyak kelemahan. Itu pasal aku mau pengganti aku orang yang lebih bagus dan dedikasi akan kebajikan dan disiplin pelajar di bawah mereka.
2. Maafkan mereka yang telah menyakiti mu tanpa sengaja, kerana pastinya kau juga telah menyakiti mereka, one way or another.
I think. :-)
Monday, April 13, 2009
these few weeks
Sabtu lepas, aku jadi pengerusi majlis untuk pembentangan kertas kerja oleh Ustaz Kipli bin Haji Yunus on Wanita Bestari Pemangkin Modal Insan Berkualiti.
Amboi....
Tengok tajuk, grand betul bunyinya. Agak grand la juga, kalau YB Datuk Amar Awang Tengah bin Ali Hassan yang jadi VIPnya.
But I just did my job, slot mula kul 2.00 pm sampai 3.15pm. Took over dari MC, perkenal pembentang, then all I did most of the time during the slot was sit pretty (pretty ke, mak?) on the stage while the pembentangan berlangsung. Not bad juga the ustaz. Maklumlah, dah berpengalaman dan amat berilmu berkaitan public speaking and motivational speeches ni kan? Then at the end of the pembentangan tuthe pembentang pulak yang tanya soalan kat hadirin and hadirat. Was supposed to be me to take over from him and let him sit while people ask questions. Tapi tak ada yang nak bertanya, so I took over from him, buat ulasan and then pass the majlis over back to the MC. Then the runners kemas dewan etc to get ready for the arrival of the YB. I waited for the YB, just to get a glimpse of him. But I left right after her arrived. I had another engagement to attend to afterwards. I got a piece of fabric and some cash which they gave to me on the stage.
I have been eating like a pregnant bear lately. I have gained more than a few pounds. I am worried. I have gone back to the weight I was back at uni. What heppen, my fren?
Ontahlah. Kawan den kato eden nak kono period. Iyolah agak eh. Eden ni period tak ponahnya samo, lain lain yo simptom eh. Kojap gini, kojap gitu. Tapi part yang gaining 5kg's tu yang tak sodap na tuh.
Lopeh tu den ketagih garam pulak dah balik, macam 4 tahun lopeh. Siap ni, salt shaker dalam beg tangan ni. Gilo ko apo???Iyo boto nak mampuih budak ni agak eh?
Tadi ni kul 7.30pm I attended a meeting for KSK. Duit dah masuk katanya. Beriya-iyalah abang-abang Chinese ni semua mengatur perbelanjaan. Maklumlah, mereka ni kan orang dah biasa bisnes, kan? Lagipun, salah seorang abang-abang tu adalah pemilik kedai peralatan sukan. Yassssszzzz..... Kalau dah KSK namanya, mestilah wajib menggunakan peralatan sukan, bukan? Cait! Tabbaek sangka buruk taw? Tapi aku rasa abang-abang Cina tu baik betul. Masa meeting, meriah sungguh.
I tried to leave earlier... tapi last-last, aku left at 8.45 gak. Dah more than an hour late for badminton. Baru nak mula main semula after so long. Last aku main bulan January lepas. Damn it!
Lepas tu aku kena gatal-gatal. Lepas tu clash dengan tah hapa-hapa. Last-last tak main la. Ni pun bukan apa sangat nak main, sebab kawan ajak. Sian la plak adik tu. Lagipun nak tahulah akuni mampu main lagi ke tak game tu. Mereka main bukan selow-selow. Ala-ala Thomas Cup match la jugak. Aku yang gemok ni just mencuba mana yang termampu je lah. Mana yang aku malas tu, aku biarkan je lepas tu buat-buat macam marah la. Padahalnya aku memang tak larat pun. Muahahahaha! Ni pun tadi takde warm up ke apa ke. Main je terus. Tak pernah ada masalah pun kalau aku tak warm up, sebab ... entah. Memang belum pernah kena cramps lagi. My body probably metabolizes uric acids efficiently? I don't know. I hope it won't cause any problems on my joints as I grow older. At work, ada dua orang staff yang kena gout. Kesian they all. Kalau sekali kena serangan tu, kena MC. I have my own ailments; namely irritable bowel syndrome and acute back pains that would render me motionless when it strikes. I'd be totally bedridden. Tapi dalam 2 - 3 tahun ni belum lagi kena serangan yang melampau sehingga kena ambil MC. Moga-moga Allah menjauhkan aku dari penyakit tu.
Tapi aku dapat penyakit lain pulak la dah skang. Asma. Maklumlah, degil cakap ayah aku. Ayah aku kata, lepas kul 8pm jangan mandi!!! Aku? Tak de, kul 2 pagi pun mandi ni! Kunun la tak selesa apa bagai. Skarang? Kau ingat dah tua tak leh kena asma kah? Ha.... degil lagi! Cakap ayah tu, kalau degil memang kena cash la kan? Skang ni kalau aku demam je, paru aku rasa berkeladak. Batuk cemana pun rasa tak puas. Pam je lah ventolin tu. Kalau tak juga lega, ke klinik la pulak, pakai serkup tu 30 minit. Degil lah lagi anakku Anillynette...
What I wanna say here is, if I can't lead by example, learn from my mistakes. Ingat tu, lekit cemana pun rasa badan lepas bersukan waktu malam, jangan mandi. Just lap dengan kain je. Biarlah orang kata jijik ke apa. Umur manusia tahan sampai 80 - 90, depending kalau pandai jaga kan? And tak kena eksiden apa ke. So nak pakai lama macam tu, pastikan internal parts pun sihat. Sesuailah dengan usia. Kalau umo 90, tapi internal parts macam umo 200 pun takde gunanya. Menyusahkan orang je nanti. Berdosa buat anak cucu masuk neraka sebab sakit ati bela kita taw?
Anyway, jangan mandi malam. Kalau nak sangat mandi, pastikan ada water heater. Itu pun jangan kerap sangat. Pendek umo nanti. Orang kan obsessed about living longer nowadays?
Kat tempat kerja, I think a lot of changes are happening and will continue happening. Tadi dah fax surat apply adakan ceramah literasi undang-undang at my school. Most of them are still reluctant to be disciplinarians, and just teach and then just mengeluh je bila budak buat perangai. Takkan mereka expect aku duduk kat belakang kelas all the time? They have to develop the skills themselves. I feel sorry for them. I know it can be overwhelming sometimes, but this is not just happening at this school je. Kalau mereka pindah ke sekolah lain, what are the odds of them having angelic students yang will follow everything they say, right? So with this, at least I hope the knowledge will help them develop the skill through experience.
Rabu, I have to give taklimat to my class teachers. Frankly, I am not very happy with some of them in terms of handling their classes. However, I am not playing the blame game, because I do realize, in this situation, I will have to help them by briefing them on the responsibilities of being a class teacher. I am really hoping that the briefing will help them to be better class teachers. Maybe because most of them are guru sandaran, of course mereka tak tahu, right?
Well, actually in my opinion, tak tahu, sepatutnya boleh bertanya. Tapi it seems to be a trend nowadays. Semua yang tak dipelajari kat U dulu jadi mustahil untuk pick up along the way once you are a teacher. Which is the wrong attitude. Tak, aku tak kata semua cikgu macam tu. Most of the teachers kat sini sangat bagus dan mempunyai a 'can do' spirit. Aku kagum dengan kemahuan dan kebolehan mereka when it comes to handling new things. So, kalau ada the right guidance, I am sure than everyone can be good at everything they do as long as they have the right attitude.
Kan?
Oh ye, I would also like to say Congratulations kepada sorang cikgu kat sekolah tu sebab dia dapat APC tahun ni. Dia memang layak sebab sangat rajin dan bersungguh-sungguh dalam menjalankan tugas. Untuk adik-adik yang lain, your turn will come. Keep up the good work!
Starting this week, akan ada banyak aktiviti. Busylah. Lately ni tak update bukan apa, malas. Jumaat lepas, cuti Good Friday. Hari ini, sekolah kat town ni cuti, Easter pulak. Sekolah kami applied the same off day tapi tak approved. Maybe bilangan guru dan murid beragama Kristian tak seramai sekolah tu kot? Maybelah.
Banyak benda nak cerita. Tapi,lain kalilah pulak.
Tadi budak dari kedai buat ID card to messaged me, katanya ada virus serang their computers, habis wiped out semua photo and info of the teachers yang aku hantar ke kedai last time. Kasihannya. Harap komputer mereka dah ok. I told him I will e-mail the stuff to them. Takkan nak drive all the way to Sipitang just to get the same stuff to them. Malaih la. Lagipun apakah gunanya ada Streamyx, kan?
Oh ye. Aku cerita kat sini benda yang aku nak buat bukan aku berlagak ke apa ke. There is still a lot of room of improvement for me. There are tons of things that I would like to do in terms of peningkatan professionalisme in my teachers at the school. Actually, planning all these for them, at the same time, tumpang belajar juga among them. Sambil swimming, drinking wasser, macam tu.
OKlah, not sure siapa yang baca blog ni lagi. Tapi I am sure siapa yang baca ni mesti bosan gila and tak tahu apa nak buat sampai kan baca entry ni sampai habis.
Tapi, thanks for reading anyway. I'm glad you are here.
Amboi....
Tengok tajuk, grand betul bunyinya. Agak grand la juga, kalau YB Datuk Amar Awang Tengah bin Ali Hassan yang jadi VIPnya.
But I just did my job, slot mula kul 2.00 pm sampai 3.15pm. Took over dari MC, perkenal pembentang, then all I did most of the time during the slot was sit pretty (pretty ke, mak?) on the stage while the pembentangan berlangsung. Not bad juga the ustaz. Maklumlah, dah berpengalaman dan amat berilmu berkaitan public speaking and motivational speeches ni kan? Then at the end of the pembentangan tuthe pembentang pulak yang tanya soalan kat hadirin and hadirat. Was supposed to be me to take over from him and let him sit while people ask questions. Tapi tak ada yang nak bertanya, so I took over from him, buat ulasan and then pass the majlis over back to the MC. Then the runners kemas dewan etc to get ready for the arrival of the YB. I waited for the YB, just to get a glimpse of him. But I left right after her arrived. I had another engagement to attend to afterwards. I got a piece of fabric and some cash which they gave to me on the stage.
I have been eating like a pregnant bear lately. I have gained more than a few pounds. I am worried. I have gone back to the weight I was back at uni. What heppen, my fren?
Ontahlah. Kawan den kato eden nak kono period. Iyolah agak eh. Eden ni period tak ponahnya samo, lain lain yo simptom eh. Kojap gini, kojap gitu. Tapi part yang gaining 5kg's tu yang tak sodap na tuh.
Lopeh tu den ketagih garam pulak dah balik, macam 4 tahun lopeh. Siap ni, salt shaker dalam beg tangan ni. Gilo ko apo???Iyo boto nak mampuih budak ni agak eh?
Tadi ni kul 7.30pm I attended a meeting for KSK. Duit dah masuk katanya. Beriya-iyalah abang-abang Chinese ni semua mengatur perbelanjaan. Maklumlah, mereka ni kan orang dah biasa bisnes, kan? Lagipun, salah seorang abang-abang tu adalah pemilik kedai peralatan sukan. Yassssszzzz..... Kalau dah KSK namanya, mestilah wajib menggunakan peralatan sukan, bukan? Cait! Tabbaek sangka buruk taw? Tapi aku rasa abang-abang Cina tu baik betul. Masa meeting, meriah sungguh.
I tried to leave earlier... tapi last-last, aku left at 8.45 gak. Dah more than an hour late for badminton. Baru nak mula main semula after so long. Last aku main bulan January lepas. Damn it!
Lepas tu aku kena gatal-gatal. Lepas tu clash dengan tah hapa-hapa. Last-last tak main la. Ni pun bukan apa sangat nak main, sebab kawan ajak. Sian la plak adik tu. Lagipun nak tahulah akuni mampu main lagi ke tak game tu. Mereka main bukan selow-selow. Ala-ala Thomas Cup match la jugak. Aku yang gemok ni just mencuba mana yang termampu je lah. Mana yang aku malas tu, aku biarkan je lepas tu buat-buat macam marah la. Padahalnya aku memang tak larat pun. Muahahahaha! Ni pun tadi takde warm up ke apa ke. Main je terus. Tak pernah ada masalah pun kalau aku tak warm up, sebab ... entah. Memang belum pernah kena cramps lagi. My body probably metabolizes uric acids efficiently? I don't know. I hope it won't cause any problems on my joints as I grow older. At work, ada dua orang staff yang kena gout. Kesian they all. Kalau sekali kena serangan tu, kena MC. I have my own ailments; namely irritable bowel syndrome and acute back pains that would render me motionless when it strikes. I'd be totally bedridden. Tapi dalam 2 - 3 tahun ni belum lagi kena serangan yang melampau sehingga kena ambil MC. Moga-moga Allah menjauhkan aku dari penyakit tu.
Tapi aku dapat penyakit lain pulak la dah skang. Asma. Maklumlah, degil cakap ayah aku. Ayah aku kata, lepas kul 8pm jangan mandi!!! Aku? Tak de, kul 2 pagi pun mandi ni! Kunun la tak selesa apa bagai. Skarang? Kau ingat dah tua tak leh kena asma kah? Ha.... degil lagi! Cakap ayah tu, kalau degil memang kena cash la kan? Skang ni kalau aku demam je, paru aku rasa berkeladak. Batuk cemana pun rasa tak puas. Pam je lah ventolin tu. Kalau tak juga lega, ke klinik la pulak, pakai serkup tu 30 minit. Degil lah lagi anakku Anillynette...
What I wanna say here is, if I can't lead by example, learn from my mistakes. Ingat tu, lekit cemana pun rasa badan lepas bersukan waktu malam, jangan mandi. Just lap dengan kain je. Biarlah orang kata jijik ke apa. Umur manusia tahan sampai 80 - 90, depending kalau pandai jaga kan? And tak kena eksiden apa ke. So nak pakai lama macam tu, pastikan internal parts pun sihat. Sesuailah dengan usia. Kalau umo 90, tapi internal parts macam umo 200 pun takde gunanya. Menyusahkan orang je nanti. Berdosa buat anak cucu masuk neraka sebab sakit ati bela kita taw?
Anyway, jangan mandi malam. Kalau nak sangat mandi, pastikan ada water heater. Itu pun jangan kerap sangat. Pendek umo nanti. Orang kan obsessed about living longer nowadays?
Kat tempat kerja, I think a lot of changes are happening and will continue happening. Tadi dah fax surat apply adakan ceramah literasi undang-undang at my school. Most of them are still reluctant to be disciplinarians, and just teach and then just mengeluh je bila budak buat perangai. Takkan mereka expect aku duduk kat belakang kelas all the time? They have to develop the skills themselves. I feel sorry for them. I know it can be overwhelming sometimes, but this is not just happening at this school je. Kalau mereka pindah ke sekolah lain, what are the odds of them having angelic students yang will follow everything they say, right? So with this, at least I hope the knowledge will help them develop the skill through experience.
Rabu, I have to give taklimat to my class teachers. Frankly, I am not very happy with some of them in terms of handling their classes. However, I am not playing the blame game, because I do realize, in this situation, I will have to help them by briefing them on the responsibilities of being a class teacher. I am really hoping that the briefing will help them to be better class teachers. Maybe because most of them are guru sandaran, of course mereka tak tahu, right?
Well, actually in my opinion, tak tahu, sepatutnya boleh bertanya. Tapi it seems to be a trend nowadays. Semua yang tak dipelajari kat U dulu jadi mustahil untuk pick up along the way once you are a teacher. Which is the wrong attitude. Tak, aku tak kata semua cikgu macam tu. Most of the teachers kat sini sangat bagus dan mempunyai a 'can do' spirit. Aku kagum dengan kemahuan dan kebolehan mereka when it comes to handling new things. So, kalau ada the right guidance, I am sure than everyone can be good at everything they do as long as they have the right attitude.
Kan?
Oh ye, I would also like to say Congratulations kepada sorang cikgu kat sekolah tu sebab dia dapat APC tahun ni. Dia memang layak sebab sangat rajin dan bersungguh-sungguh dalam menjalankan tugas. Untuk adik-adik yang lain, your turn will come. Keep up the good work!
Starting this week, akan ada banyak aktiviti. Busylah. Lately ni tak update bukan apa, malas. Jumaat lepas, cuti Good Friday. Hari ini, sekolah kat town ni cuti, Easter pulak. Sekolah kami applied the same off day tapi tak approved. Maybe bilangan guru dan murid beragama Kristian tak seramai sekolah tu kot? Maybelah.
Banyak benda nak cerita. Tapi,lain kalilah pulak.
Tadi budak dari kedai buat ID card to messaged me, katanya ada virus serang their computers, habis wiped out semua photo and info of the teachers yang aku hantar ke kedai last time. Kasihannya. Harap komputer mereka dah ok. I told him I will e-mail the stuff to them. Takkan nak drive all the way to Sipitang just to get the same stuff to them. Malaih la. Lagipun apakah gunanya ada Streamyx, kan?
Oh ye. Aku cerita kat sini benda yang aku nak buat bukan aku berlagak ke apa ke. There is still a lot of room of improvement for me. There are tons of things that I would like to do in terms of peningkatan professionalisme in my teachers at the school. Actually, planning all these for them, at the same time, tumpang belajar juga among them. Sambil swimming, drinking wasser, macam tu.
OKlah, not sure siapa yang baca blog ni lagi. Tapi I am sure siapa yang baca ni mesti bosan gila and tak tahu apa nak buat sampai kan baca entry ni sampai habis.
Tapi, thanks for reading anyway. I'm glad you are here.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
sayang
Sometimes, aku rasa nak give up je. Rasa macam nak give up. Rasa je. Tak la nak give up.
Satu benda yang aku sangat risau kebelakangan ni is that I am more aware of the things that come out of my mouth. When I sit by myself and think about it, I realize that I do have a knack to hurt feelings with my wordswithout even thinking or wanting to. Sort of like foot -in-mouth disease lah. So now I am like jadi bukan just aware, dah jadi self-concious. I hate being self-conscious of the things I say, because once that happens, it will take the edge off of me and I will be at a disadvantage. For once, I wish I have an iron will like the Ibles. Because he can say any kind of shit and people will talk about what a trashy human being he is, but he doesn't give a damn.
Petang tadi, as I was finishing my last lesson of the day, I got a phonecall from Kak L. She sounded pretty frantic. Siapa nak hantar Shannon balik? Akak ada kerja sampai petang ni tak dapat balik awal hari ni. Oh... saya pun nak stay back sampai kul 4, SM ada koku, then saya pun ada kerja. Takpe, takpe, kejap lagi saya pegi opis akak.
I end up hantar budak tu balik. Tapi aku singgah kedai beli tali kasut putih baru, and then bawa dia pergi salon. I asked Bernard to cut her crazy hair and color it back to black. It was red. OK? Budak lain kat sekolah tu semua tak suka kat dia sebab perangai dia yang macam tu. Try as I might not to be biased, I can't help but feel a little benci for her sometimes for being the way she is. Can't keep blaming the things around you all the time. Young as you are, you can still think for yourself la.
While waiting for her to get her hair done, I relaced her shoes with the white ones I just bought. She had pink sparkly ones. Fashionable. Very.
Anyway, when it was all done, dia bantai merabak dalam kereta on the way ke rumah dia. Cried quietly in the car. I said, it's just hair, it'll grow. You honestly think you looked so pretty before that? Granted, without the silly tails on the sides of her cheeks, the tufts of hair that stood up at the back of the crown of her head makes her look like she is on constant static electric. But there is nothing to be done there except to wait for it to grow back.
I may not be fashionable, but if you think individuality means copying some Indon artist hairstyle that does not work for you, you have another thing coming, honey.
Sampai rumah dia, I parked my car and got her clothes iron from the backseat while she stomped off down the hill, threw her bag on the ground and mengamuk meraung-raung macam orang meroyan. Masuk rumah and slammed the door. Aku tengok mak dia just tengok dia dengan hairan.
Aku salam mak dia and bagitau tadi saya bawa anak makcik pergi salon, potong rambut and color balik rambut dia. takpe cikgu, saya dah lama pujuk dia color rambut balik tapi dia tak mau. All the while dia meraung and baling benda dalam rumah. Kalau anak aku.... seriously, aku benam-benam dia dalam kolam ikan depan rumah dia tu, kalau dia betul-betul nak tahu who's in charge.
Anyway, aku pulangkan seterika dia yang kena rampas tu and promised her that her books will come tomorrow. And also told her that mulai sekarang, siapa awal dia la amik bawak budak ni pergi sekolah pagi-pagi.
Aku tak benci dia. Aku tahu dia need help even though she doesn't want it. Tapi, takkan nak tunggu dah jadi pelacur 5-6 tahun baru nak sedar...?
Malangnya, dia bukan anak aku. Kalau anak aku, aku dah ganyang cukup-cukup dari kecik so dia tak besar jadi makhluk ni.
Pusat pemulihan akhlak aje tempat budak ni, sebab Bernard from the hair salon pun kata selalu nampak dia jalan-jalan kat pekan dengan lelaki. She needs serious help. Dia dah rosak from sekolah lama dia lagi. Tapi apakan daya? Aku takde kuasa minta mahkamah keluar perintah untuk tempatkan dia di sana sebab dia bukan anak aku.
Satu benda yang aku sangat risau kebelakangan ni is that I am more aware of the things that come out of my mouth. When I sit by myself and think about it, I realize that I do have a knack to hurt feelings with my wordswithout even thinking or wanting to. Sort of like foot -in-mouth disease lah. So now I am like jadi bukan just aware, dah jadi self-concious. I hate being self-conscious of the things I say, because once that happens, it will take the edge off of me and I will be at a disadvantage. For once, I wish I have an iron will like the Ibles. Because he can say any kind of shit and people will talk about what a trashy human being he is, but he doesn't give a damn.
Petang tadi, as I was finishing my last lesson of the day, I got a phonecall from Kak L. She sounded pretty frantic. Siapa nak hantar Shannon balik? Akak ada kerja sampai petang ni tak dapat balik awal hari ni. Oh... saya pun nak stay back sampai kul 4, SM ada koku, then saya pun ada kerja. Takpe, takpe, kejap lagi saya pegi opis akak.
I end up hantar budak tu balik. Tapi aku singgah kedai beli tali kasut putih baru, and then bawa dia pergi salon. I asked Bernard to cut her crazy hair and color it back to black. It was red. OK? Budak lain kat sekolah tu semua tak suka kat dia sebab perangai dia yang macam tu. Try as I might not to be biased, I can't help but feel a little benci for her sometimes for being the way she is. Can't keep blaming the things around you all the time. Young as you are, you can still think for yourself la.
While waiting for her to get her hair done, I relaced her shoes with the white ones I just bought. She had pink sparkly ones. Fashionable. Very.
Anyway, when it was all done, dia bantai merabak dalam kereta on the way ke rumah dia. Cried quietly in the car. I said, it's just hair, it'll grow. You honestly think you looked so pretty before that? Granted, without the silly tails on the sides of her cheeks, the tufts of hair that stood up at the back of the crown of her head makes her look like she is on constant static electric. But there is nothing to be done there except to wait for it to grow back.
I may not be fashionable, but if you think individuality means copying some Indon artist hairstyle that does not work for you, you have another thing coming, honey.
Sampai rumah dia, I parked my car and got her clothes iron from the backseat while she stomped off down the hill, threw her bag on the ground and mengamuk meraung-raung macam orang meroyan. Masuk rumah and slammed the door. Aku tengok mak dia just tengok dia dengan hairan.
Aku salam mak dia and bagitau tadi saya bawa anak makcik pergi salon, potong rambut and color balik rambut dia. takpe cikgu, saya dah lama pujuk dia color rambut balik tapi dia tak mau. All the while dia meraung and baling benda dalam rumah. Kalau anak aku.... seriously, aku benam-benam dia dalam kolam ikan depan rumah dia tu, kalau dia betul-betul nak tahu who's in charge.
Anyway, aku pulangkan seterika dia yang kena rampas tu and promised her that her books will come tomorrow. And also told her that mulai sekarang, siapa awal dia la amik bawak budak ni pergi sekolah pagi-pagi.
Aku tak benci dia. Aku tahu dia need help even though she doesn't want it. Tapi, takkan nak tunggu dah jadi pelacur 5-6 tahun baru nak sedar...?
Malangnya, dia bukan anak aku. Kalau anak aku, aku dah ganyang cukup-cukup dari kecik so dia tak besar jadi makhluk ni.
Pusat pemulihan akhlak aje tempat budak ni, sebab Bernard from the hair salon pun kata selalu nampak dia jalan-jalan kat pekan dengan lelaki. She needs serious help. Dia dah rosak from sekolah lama dia lagi. Tapi apakan daya? Aku takde kuasa minta mahkamah keluar perintah untuk tempatkan dia di sana sebab dia bukan anak aku.
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