a birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. enjoy the trip. ~author unknown

It had never been a big deal in my family as I was growing up. We do remember everybody else's. We do celebrate it sometimes when we feel like it. However, most of the time, it passes with a simple wish from each of us in the family.

Today, even though I think my birthday is not too hard to miss, being right before Independence Day, it surprises me how many people actually remembered Even some parents sent me sms wishing me Happy Birthday. Old friends and students as well. For a person like me and my social ineptitude, it surprises me to see how warm people around me can be. I should take some time and take a closer look of the people around me.

So, today is my 32nd birthday. It means I am a year older, so even if this entry does not seem as enthusiastic as I should be for having lived this long on God's great earth, being surrounded by people who help me grow into the person I am today, going through experiences I will never trade for anything in the world, the fact is, I am.

Things I have learned so far...? A lot. I just can't think up of any at the moment. Maybe I will update this entry later when I am in the right mode.

Oh, one thing... I think too much and not necessarily of important or necessary things that would bring the world any good. I should stop doing that. And spend the time I do that with yoga and meditation. That would do a worl of good for my stress levels. Look at me, talking like I run the country.

No, I don't think you will learn anything from what I have learn. You will have to pave your own way through your life, dude because nothing in here is gonna help make your life any easier, if that is what you are looking for. I was talking about what I have learnt so far.

What does it look like, today on my birthday? We had sekolah ganti. There was some gotong-royong happening in the staffroom. Then there was the school canteen committee meeting. It was a rather interesting session. Then we went home. It started raining heavily around noon, and I had a really good nap, all cozy under the covers. It is still raining now, at 6.01pm. I love it when the weather is like this and I am spending the day at home. Just listening to the rain falling and the pattering on the window pane, wathcing the droplets slide down the glass and smelling the fresh smell of the earth it brings with it calms me.

Tomorrow is going to be our 51st year of independence. Happy Birthday Malaysia. And most importantly, Happy Birthday, Abang N. May we all have many more happy, active and prosperous years down the road.

So, Happpy 32nd Lynette. May I grow into a better,
more patient, passionate, sympathetic, empathic, understanding, but stronger and
more resilient person in the next steps I take in my life.

On my birthday...

Birthday Quotes
More Birthday Quotes

Today In History :
Page #1
Page #2
Page #3
Page #4
Page #5
The World
And An Earthquake

warwick avenue

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Meet me by the entrance of the tube.
We can talk things over, a little time...
Promise me you won't step outta line.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Please drop the past and be true.
Don't think we're okay, just because I'm here...
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear.

I'm leaving you for the last time baby...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but I want to be free.
Baby you've hurt me.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
We'll spend an hour, but no more than two.
Our only chance to speak, once more...
I showed you the answers, now here's the door.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
I'll tell you baby, that we're through.

I'm leaving you for the last time baby...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.

All those days spent together, I wished for better,
But I didn't want the train to come.
Now it's departed,
I'm broken hearted, seems like we never started.
All the days spent together, when I wished for better,
And I didn't want the train to come

You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.
You don't love me,
I want to be free,
Baby you've hurt me.

gilo ko apo?

Huahaha!

and i thought i get really bad sometimes

sex offender, much?

crazy gal

proud mum

inside the fire

You have got to listen to this song.

Such a refreshing thing to see that rockers do not necessarily have to be long-haired.

So if you'll excuse me, I have to go slit my wrists...

cuti sekolah

The school break started again. This time, it is only for one week. My boss had earlier ran away from school to spend two weeks in Kuala Lumpur with his family. Well, I get to spend the end-of-year school break at home too anyway and that would be a whole month. So what is two days stuck in school minding the business while he is away?

Last Friday, the last day of school and with what little attendance we had, we had the closing ceremony of the Language Week. They thought they get to leave school earlier than usual. Come on, it wouldn't happen on my watch, right?

So after the last period of class planned that day, we all gathered in the school hall and gave away prizes to the winners and were presented with the two performances that day, a poetry recital from the winner of the poetry recital held during the week and also, an extra, which was a choral speaking presentation by the 5 Science class.

They were awesome during practice, but then just as I had expected, they freaked out during the actual performance and suffice to say, I was not very happy with it because I seriously believe that they could have done better than that because I have seen them done it ten times better during practice. And I have warned them about freaking out on stage and how to handle that. I guess it doesn't matter how much you tell someone not to do something they will still do it, unless if they have had lots of practice.

Last Friday, some kids also lost some money and they came to me to report it. We had a spot check done on the classes we suspected of the crime. But we did not come up with the money of course. I wish they could have been more careful with their money. For god's sake, how do you find money when it's lost? I myself have lost my phone twice. Does anyone have any suggestions of what to do after a report of money lost is made other than an immediate spot check?

Then two people came into my office and grabbed me by the neck and choked me to death. Well, sometimes I wish that actually happened, because I am starting to feel tired of the struggles.

Well, these two people came into my office on a totally unofficial business. They are the son and daughter-in-law of my sort of foster family that I had made through a friend. They came to me asking me to help out with a case involving a teacher who once taught in this school. He moved away to a school in Sibu and we have never heard from him since.

The thing was, he sold his motorbike to these people for RM2500 worth of cash and has yet to mail his photocopy of identity card so that they can do the transfer of ownership of that thing. I think it all came up to the fact that there is that petrol rebate when you renew your road tax. They would not have bothered if it's not that. Or wouldn't they? I don't know.

Anyway, if it happened to you, wouldn't you help? Or feel forced to help? Even if you hate having to call up the dude and ask him for the stupid thing? I called anyway, and asked anyway. I had to. And he was beating around the bush about it and telling me not to listen to the villagers due to the fact that they can be untrustworthy. What the fark? He obviously was unwilling to do just that. I asked him to just make a photocopy of that thing and fax it to my school, and it will all be okay. But he said he will have to wait for the school break when he can go into town and do those things. I thought he is giving me bullshit.

But the sad thing is, they did the transactions in cash, there was no written agreement, nothing signed, nothing witnessed. People ted to trust teachers so easily. That guy, should not have been trusted. My colleagues agreed with that because what we can remember most about him is that he is one dodgy character. If worst comes to worst, they should just sell that thing off to the scrap metal yard, so they can have some money to buy a new bike with legal papers.

So after about ten minutes of talking to him and and then to his school clerk in order to get the damned photocopy of his ic, it all ended with him trying to be a smart ass with me. What the hell? Well, that's what you get when you are forced to butt into other people's problems just because you knew that person once and you are sort of a foster child of the other party. I wish my life here can be simpler. But then, nothing like some sh*t like this to perk me up from time to time.

Then I jotted down his ic number given to me by his clerk and handed it to the two people and asked them to file a police report (I don't know, maybe just to show that they actually made some sort of effort to gain ownership. They did. He's stopped responding to phone calls and their sms about the matter). They can ask our school clerk to dig up closed files and get a copy of his ic from there. IF the clerk can find it. And that is a big if.

Anyway, in his frustration (he also talked to that guy on the phone by the way) , after he hung up and I handed the IC number to him, he commented on how my room was looking a little like a store room. Funny.

It does look like a store room. I have all these junk ready for the dumpster and there were old wires dangling from the ceiling waiting to be discarded by the wiring people. (The decrepit admin building is being rewired, I have not had lights in my room since Tuesday. Even today, when I came in for work, it's still not on yet). But really he should have saved that for another day when I have not been forced to talk to a dipsh*t on the phone. I felt icky afterwards, ok?

We went and did the closing ceremony at the hall and then before everyone left, I handed back the money some parents had asked me to keep for their kids for them to pay for their fare home in Ba'Kelalan and Long Semadoh.

Then after all the commotion had all gone away, I too finally get to go home.

Unlike the numerous other breaks when I had things planned... I don't for this one. And since I had been obliged to keep an eye on the school during the break, that had worked out beautifully.

I'm tired. My mind is tired. My body is tired. But really, my brains are tired. I wish I can be in a coma for a while and come back a clean slate. But the thing is, I will still be me and I will still have the same people hating my guts. I can't change that.

I need to get away from it all and regain the strength I once had. I need it to get me through the day at work. I love my job. I just need some energy boost. I am feeling a little sick and tired of it sometimes, despite the fact that I love being where I am and doing what I do. I don't have a lot of me time on my hands. I don't even watch tv or surf the net as much as I used to because I'd be dead tired when I get home, and all I had the energy to do is strip, shower and sleep. Just to get up and do it all over again the next morning.

When I get drowned in work, I always dream about being able to just quit my job and stop caring about these kids and just walk away. But then when I think about it, I might just die of boredom since I am not a very social creature. I might just end up sleeping myself to death. Or eating myself to death. Or surf the web to death. I'll probably just lock myself inside my home and do really bad things to myself. So I am grateful for this job because it keep this hermit sane with lots and lots of things to do.

Gosh! I am so not complaining. I just need a reboot of some sort but that is not gonna happen any time soon.

sorry

At least, it proves that she still reads my blog from time to time.

And it's sad that my last entry had hurt her feelings so much so that she went and wrote her next entry totally based on my last entry. It's sad because I do value her views and now I made myself out to seem like I don't and made her very upset

For one who hates it when it is done to oneself, I guess one should not have made oneself out to look like one is trivializing another's crusade. Sometimes I fail to see how differently other people may perceive what I write.

I am tired of being misunderstood, so I will just have to shut up about whatever other people are saying about something. I should just turn off and stop my brain functions all together. That'd be the best thing to do at the moment. At least until the nest time I feel like responding to something.

I'm too old to get involved in a tangled web of misunderstandings anyway. So... to whom it may concern, I'm sorry. It was never meant to hurt your feelings in any way what so ever.

rape

I had to take this down.

I forgot, I do have friends who do wear these things and I do not wish to hurt their feelings in any way, secara langsung atau tidak.

CS thinks I expose myself too sometimes. Wahaha... Whatever do you mean, my friend?

I just needed to know if there were any study done and if there were any anomalies in different societies because I don't grow up surrounded by half nekkid women, and my momma taught me not to show off too much. And maybe I am a bisexual of sorts? Who knows?

I am such an old biddy sometimes, I forget we are living in the 21st century and we can all stop being pretentious Muslims and Asians. Because who doesn't want to show off their rump once in a while? It is the era of flaunting whatever it is that you have. All in the name of feminism and being proud of your god given attributes.

Apa-apa pun, Islam tetap melarang wanitanya mendedahkan dirinya. Walaupun I am not the scholar to preach these words, nor the person who practices it, I do understand that Muslim women are covered to elevate them in the eyes of the society. Maybe it's too complicated for some of us to understand. But that is their problem.

But given the choice, would you rape a half nekkid girl, who is strutting her stuff at the mall out in the open, or would you just get off on a totally covered lady who happened to pick the wrong path home? Or a little girl snatched from the playground?

Bottomline, rapists deserve to be locked away and have the keys thrown into the sea.

No excuse.

I pray for the souls of those who were taken from us in that horrible way dan semoga Allah membalas kekejaman yang berlaku ke atas mereka dengan setimpal ke atas yang melakukan kezaliman ke atas mereka.

p/s: Kalau ada kawan rapat yang terasa, maafkan keterlanjuranku. Aku hanya ingin tahu seandainya wujud kajian sedemikian. Itu saja.

pp/s : Don't get your panties in a twist. Life is too short. I'm just gonna go live it. I suggest you do the same too.

8808

How many decades ago was it when it was 8.8.88? You do the math, I am hopeless with math.

Anyway, I like that number. Today is 8.8.08. I like 7 and 3 also. I am not obsessed with these numbers, I just happen to like them better compared to the other numbers.

Oh, and I have made peace with myself, that due to the way I am, my character flaw I mean, I should accept the fact that I will never have a close female friend like every other people I know and I will never have many close friends like many people I know, simply because I will never know what to do with them and it would be unfair to be tamak and horde all these people when you are positively clueless when it comes to maintaining a life-long friendship.

So I am thankful for the few that I have because these are the only people who can stand me and my ways and knows that no matter how bad I get, all those badness actually do come from a good place, as mad as it sounds. I'm just socially inept.

One of the things that make me cry and make me realize what a lousy friend I have been is when I think about the people who made the effort to throw me birthday parties. I wish to God that they never did it. I am grateful. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate what they had done for me out of the sweetness of their hearts. But how do you tell them that they are all doing it in vain? Just seeing their smiles of fulfillment just makes the tears well up in my eyes and burst down my cheeks. All that for nothing.

How do you tell people not to get too close when you can't help being the deceivingly cheerful sunshine, when in reality, there is nothing inside you but pulp and you have no interest in celebrating anything in life.

Age and work now keeps me busy. People do not try to get close to me anymore. I am still the deceivingly happy person that I was before, but I have lessened contact, with all of them, so they won't fall for this happy facade that comes naturally to me. Finally, no more guilt.

I'll be 32 soon, and as always, I don't feel a day older. I hope that will keep my spirits up and not make me act very much unlike my age, God forbid. I wonder how will I be when I reach 42... if I ever get there.

I've never been afraid of growing old, so I don't understand why some people obsess about it and lie about their age. Like, is it gonna make them more appealing? I won't know until I put myself in their shoes. Till then, I'm busy living and working.

TTYL.