back. for tonight's entry. at least.

No.

I'm not dead yet.

In case that is what any of you have been thinking all this while.

I just went through some really long patch of laziness. Even as I am writing this, I still think I should not be picking tonight to come back to writing anything because I don't exactly have anything worthwhile to write about. As if that had ever been a problem for me before. But that's the thing; I don't have anything to talk about. I take that as a good sign, because I started this out being angry. Very angry. That anger is gone and in its place, is acceptance. I don't know. I guess I just got tired of everything.

Don't read on. No reason to waste time and go on reading this blog. But I can always go on typing.

Well, since I last wrote some things have happened and those things are, some of them mundane, some of them liberating. You guess which one is which.

1. Went home to Selangor to spend two weeks with my family.
This was great because;
a) I did not have any argument with my mom. At all. The school break went really well. I don't know if my mom went easier with me, or I had finally grown up mentally to understand that that is how my mom has been and always will be. Besides, seeing that my mom growing older does make me think again how I have been as a daughter.
Things went so well that my mom had been calling me every other day since I came back and was actually mad at me when I told her that I won't be back in August because I will be home for Eid instead. Until I told her that the 'cheap tickets' were bogus. Well, at least to people like me who are too damned lazy to keep a close eye on that website to make sure that I actually do get to fly home cheap.

b) I have a niece now. And her name is Amira Batrisya. Well, my brother has this obsession about wanting his kids be leaders it seems, hence the 'Amir' word at the beginning of all his kids' names.
I have taken care of too many kids in my younger days to actually like her immediately. Gosh, am I a monster? I don't really like the fact that I don't really like it when she cries and there is nothing I can do to quiet her down. They all coo and go gaa gaa with her. I don't. I can't. I don't do baby talk. Period. My kids will pop out talking like Queen Elizabeth. Haha!
I loved the two older boys, both are Amirs and they are adorable and cute and boisterous and naughty, but still get all quiet and nice when I get mad at them. Not for long. Enough so that they would pick up the mess they had made and tidied up their play area. I have that effect on kids, you see. Sort of a military general streak. Just like my mom.

c) I wish I had more time to spend with my sister. But I didn't. She is being worked to the ground by HSBC. Those of you who are planning to get a job there, at Cyberjaya, don't. Well, maybe you should, so you can help lighten my sister's burden and she could get her weekends free so she can spend that with me!
Well, they are working her to her grave actually. She has high blood pressure and she is on medication. She is 27 and on medication. How bad do you think that is?
She goes to work at 11.oo am and does not come home till 7.00am the next day!!! What kind of crap extortion is that? She should quit her job. But then she is having a hard time to find a new one. She had been looking but they keep turning her down. That... the rejection, in itself is hard enough for her. It would not be too hard for me or the rest of you, but my sister is a very sensitive soul. And the workload that they are piling on her and their expectations of her at the workplace is, I think, too much. Extremely over the top. No one with her health would dare to endure what she is going through. She does not sleep! And you know how a person with a bp condition needs to have enough sleep at night. Sleeping in the daytime, just for two hours DOES NOT CUT IT! And her UK customers are from hell!
Warning : People from the UK has a big huge gaping garbage can for a mouth. They are not the nice, civilized, proper people you'd like to think they are.
Well, not all of them, actually. Just people who lost checks in the system and demanding that the people at FirstDirect to look for them.
It's one thing, if you lost a 100 pound sterling check, I totally understand if you'd freak out and start talking like the little trash mouth that you are. But a twelve pound check?
I mean, who the fuck writes a twelve pound check? You can't even carry twelve lousy pounds in your wallet? What the fuck?
And then you go fuck up my poor sister's day. Over twelve pounds? Can anyone go any lower than that?
Seriously, she came home crying, sobbing, one night, she freaked me out. I thought she hit someone on the way home. But she told me she just had a very bad week and that's all because of the way those fucking Britons talk to the people who are supposed to assist them.
I wish I can tell those bastards and bitches who has those potty mouths that their bank are cheapskates and they had chosen Asia to plant a place where you can call and get help if you are stupid enough to write a twelve pound check and losing it in transaction. And again, they also picked Asia because non of you snot-nosed, unemployed, bottom-feeders who feed on welfare would even think of getting this job to feed your children. And these so-called English people don't really speak English! They speak a language from hell. And whoever thought Scottish sounds cute on TV should try getting my sister's initial job, because I bet you CANNOT make out what the hell comes out of their mouths.
Not all of the customers are bad potty mouthed people. Some of them are nice. I know Princess Di, despite her mistakes was a very nice person. But I am not too sure of the rest of the kingdom because I have never been in that country and not planning on going there any time soon, and I have never had my sister's job. Thank God. I might have crumbled like a piece of cookie.

Well, I wish I had been able to spend more time with my sister. She worked all week and all weekend. Until the Friday before I left. We went to get some sushi, the two of us. I wish we had more time to do more stuff together. But mom was all alone at home, we felt guilty leaving her alone, we had to rush home afterwards.

2) I got four shoes for less than RM100.

3) I met J.
For less than two hours at Midvalley.

4) I dissolved association with J.
Whatever we had, it was toxic. For the both of us. And it was about time.

5) I realized that I am good at what I do at work.
People keep moving their kids from the bad school next door to mine. And those who are already are at my school, does not complain when I send out letters of notification of punishment for their kids. They actually come to school to meet with me and talk like normal people.
I have had some problematic parents who can't seem to believe that their kids are normal kids that can make stupid mistakes too. But they have since quieted down after listening to my reasoning and seen the evidence.

6) I have reorganized the committees under me.
So I can a lot more people involved and get a lot more done.
I am such a control freak sometimes, it's a little difficult for me to trust that other people are perfectly capable of handling most of the things that I think they can't. Like my mom?
Well, I now know that if I show them how to do it right, they will do it right. They can even do better than I do. Not.


7) My periods has not stopped for more than a month.
But that doesn't scare me. I don't feel like I am drained of blood because it keep stopping after every drop. It stops for a few days and all of a sudden surprise me with a drop. That had been keeping since June 13th. I have an inkling why that has been happening. It's probably the mesication I am putting myself on. I quit that. The periods has stopped, for real this time, I hope. We'll see if it keeps happening the next cycle.

8) I am tired, I am gonna sleep and try to write more the next time I log on to this poor blog.

I have not been able to go to KK since I came back. While it had been a weekly activity for me, it has ceased to be lately. I am turning into an ultra slob!

hapdet

Kata Bella, no news is good news...

So I guess that is why I have not been updating this blog for the past few weeks. It's not like I have thousands of admiring readers to entertain... unlike Bella. :) No dear, I don't envy you for having to update your blog regularly, not wanting to disappoint your readers.

School is the same. Suspensions and such. The mundane stuff. Day in and day out. I am not complaining. Better mundane than drama when it comes to running a school.

Last Saturday, I thought I'd take the girls to that theme park in Brunei. But since most of the people tengah gawat bulan ni, I had to forget about it for a while. Maybe next time.

Instead, I ajak diorang ke KK. Still mereka tak mau ikut. So, I don't know why, I rasa menggedik je nak ke KK minggu ni. So I went with Mimi di jantan comel.

Pagi Sabtu, bangun awal sikit dari biasa. Kebiasaannya, aku masih bergulung dalam gebar dalam area kul 10 pagi kalau orang tak bagitau apa plan diorang hari tu atau aku rasa penglibatan aku tak diperlukan dalam program diorang. Ye, aku memang pemalas bila tiba weekends. Kau apa pedulik? Well, come to think of it, aku memang pemalas through and through. Oh the perils of living on your own. Nobody cares.

Took the girls for breakfast at our favourite spot in town tu. I had wantan soup as usual. Also had pau kacang merah AND ayam beforehand. Talk about tamak. Oh, yes, I am also a greedy little bugger. Well, safe to say as I grew older, I think my favorite meal is breakfast. Lunch and dinner, kalau takde pun takpe.

Then pergi tamu. Mula-mula I followed them around. Belek-belek sunglasses. I bought two, because I dah lama tak beli, and I suka sunglasses and I like wearing them sampai rosak lepas tu campak je. So dah lama tak beli baru, I sambar la 2. One looks like the ones yang Paris H suka pakai tu, and another one is a black Aviator. Aku ni kan ala-ala jejanz sket kengkadang.

And bila bersoping dengan kengkawan aku ni, biasalah kan, gadis-gadis ni kan rajin membelek? Aku tak marah pun. Aku rajin gak membelek. Tapi tak lama, aku suka, aku sambar je. So menengokkan mereka membelek-belek barang tu aku dah rimas so, aku slow-slow membawa diri melihat bembarang yang aku memang nak beli.

Aku beli buku panduan wirid. Well, I need it. Lepas tu beli selipar comey 2 pasang. Ingat nak beli for my mom. Tapi pikir balik... I think my mom deserve better. Tatau ah, bila tengok sandal-sandal comey tu asyik teringat nak beli for me mum. My mom tu mana suka pergi pasar malam. Tak pernah dia pergi. Asyik dia suruh me go buy her stuff from there. Namanya mak aku nak pergi sendiri tengok? Sorry la. I guess bukan my mom tu malas ke apa ke.... Dia shop-a-holic. Dia takut dia borong semua barang kat pasar malam tu bawak balik. So baiklah dia hantar Toy Soldier dia yang sorang ni, namely me. Dia pun tak penat.

Then aku jumpa panties made from this thin jersey material yang I think senang dicuci dan cepat kering. I think those would come in handy when I travel nanti. So I got 10 of those. Then I beli 7 anak tudung. Yang lama dah berbulu melekat dengan benda white lint. Tah mana datang tah... and I can't seem to find most of them. Murs murs je. Dua 5 hengget. Looked for some more singlets to wear for bed, takdok plak saiz aku. Muahaha... Len kali je.

Then aku beli a new potato peeler sebab yang lama pun tah ke mana, kut dah jatuh dalam tong sampah. I hate having to peel things with just a pisau. I can do it beautifully tapi lama sangat. Leceh! Harap yang ni tak hilang lagi.

Lepas tu aku tengok sana, tengok sini... takde yang menarik perhatian. Hai sana, hai sini... maklumlah mak ni pseudo-celeb kat pekan kecik ni. kain kat tamu tu pun takde yang suits my taste. Ecewah... taste kunun. Cuba try kat Euro Moda plak, kut ye nak bertaste kan?

So dengan hasil soping aku yang tak sebebrapa tu, aku balik kat keter... aku call diorang, diorang tak siap lagi. So aku pergila lepak kat kedai makan kecik milik rakan sekerja dari sekolah lain tu. Demi jaga hati kawan (sebab aku jarang lepak kat kedai dia, cuz the girls prefer kedai tomyam kat seberang kedai kawan aku ni) aku pun order teh o ping dengan Laksa Penang. Walopung aku sudah kenyang tahap nasik masuk hidung masa tu, aku gagahkan jua menyuap laksa tersebut dengan penuh berselera. Berlakon la sesikit, tapi I didn't have to berlakon kuat sangat sebab memang laksa dia sedap pun, and aku memang kuat makan pun.

15 minutes later, they all selesai, dey all datang mintak kunci keter from me, nak simpan barang. I pun finished my meal, paid up and mintak diri. Dia tak nak amik harga teh o ping tu walaupun I berkeras suruh dia charge me. Haiya.... baik sangat la belanja me liddat. Jangan la selalu, I tak kisah bayar. Tolong kawan, kan?

Then pergi supermarket, carikan hadiah untuk Martin and Kia. Wedding mereka hari Sabtu tu, kul 10.30. Kami belikan dia set pinggan mangkuk for 4 people. Nak fancy lagi pun dah terlambat nak cari kat town kecik ni mana ada benda fancy-fancy untuk wedding gift. Balik rumah, I took another shower sebab dah berpeluh bagai nak rak maa dok kat tamu yang stuffy and smoky ittew. Siap-siap, mekap apa ke patut, blow rambut sesikit, and pergi la angkut seisi rumah pergi wedding kat church tu.

My friend tu dah buat catering for his muslim friends. Stay kejap, makan, buat photo op sket, lepas tu balik...

I hantar Z pergi jumpa murid dia kat KFC dia dah janji nak belanja over a favor he did for her. Then hantar M pergi berurut betulkan lengan dia yang terkehel masa dia jatuh kat sekolah minggu lepas. Then L volunteer nak temankan me pergi tukar mintak hitam kat kedai tu. Lepas siap cuci kereta luar and dalam, kami balik. Called Mimi and bagitau dia I am going to KK alone dengan dia je sebab yang lain tak mau ikut.

Balik rumah, I packed up some stuff. Just bawak backpack kecik je, sebab staying just one night je. Then M mintak amikkan dia kat tempat berurut tu. Siap-siap berkemas, turun, said bye bye kat the girls and bawak barang sekali, amik M kat sana, bawak balik, dropped her off at home and terus pergi amik Mimi kat flat sekolah dia about 20 minutes from town. Kami berdua je pergit this time. Tak pernah pun aku ke KK sorang2 untuk jalan-jalan sebelum ni. Sebelum ni mesti angkut the girls with me without fail. Tapi Mimi pun feels like one of the girls juga walaupun dia bukan a 'girl' tapi dia memang girlish la, so compensate la juga, tak la rasa lonely sangat.

Singgah makan kat Beaufort, makan nasi sambal. Menu wajib tu kalau singgah Beaufort. Tataulah kenapa aku suka sangat dengan nasi sambal tu, aku mesti order yang itu bila singgah Restoran Malaysia kat Beaufort tu. Suka la rasa dia.

Seronok betul Mimi bila I managed to follow this Police truck yang bawak anak-anak ikan... probably budak-budak Kadet Polis kut, on the way ke kem mana-mana. Dia pun describe la bagaimana these boys were looking at me with such awe and astonishment sepanjang aku memfolow truck mereka tu sambil aku nak memotong truck tersebut, sebab aku telah memaparkan skill bawak keter mengalahkan Michael Schumacher padahal keta aku takde la hebat benar. I was not looking at those boys pun sebab aku ni ada rimas sket bila time follow truck askar atau polis yang penuh dengan impressionable teens ni. Kat sekolah kan aku dah hadap beratus orang. Kat jalanraya pun lagi? I am not impressed. Lagipun aku segan la nak tentang mata jejanz walaupun dia budak kecik lagi. Lemah jantung gue.

Kami sampai KK dalam jam 7.13pm macam tu. Mimi kata dia dah call merata-rata tapi semua budget hotel tu dah penuh, so last-last kami rasa apa salahnya if we go stay kat a nicer place for a change. So malam tu kami stayed kat Hyatt. Tak la top sangat hotel tu, tapi tak la budget. Dengan Gov Servant rate lagi, affordable la juga.

Apa aku buat? Letih... aku mandi, pakai baju, pergi turun kejap beli Whopper kat seberang jalan tu je. Ingat nak cari mineral water kat plaza sebelah tu. Dah tutup plak by the time I had mstered the energy to go down. Sebbaik bilik ada air mineral botol ciput tu. Kalau tak, tercekik la I makan Whopper tu. Pergi juga masuk plaza tu walaupun kedai banyak yang dah tutup. I singgah kedai henpon, beli bekas henpon satu and top up card. Lepas tu balik bilik, changed and went to bed. Ingat nak tido, tapi tak mengantuk. I messaged si Mimi, tanya dia buat apa. Dia kata pergi clubbing. Sekejap je dia dah jumpa kawan. Gigih perempuan tu!

Malas aku nak kacau dia ajak pergi tengok wayang, aku terus masuk tido je. Tak sleepy pun nanti lelap juga kan? Silap la aku. Aku pergi tengok cerita seram kat Discovery terus la aku takut nak tutup lampu. Aku kat bilik hotel yang unfamiliar tu aku seram sket. Manalah tahu kang padam lampun kang macam-macam imej seram menerjah ke mata aku ni. Aku biar lampu nyala sampai pagi. Hiahahaha....

Kul 9 aku bangun. Siap-siap dengan santai and relaxed. Then kami checked out. Simpan barang dalam kereta. Round-round dalam plaza sebelah tu dekat 3 jam jugalah. I got myself 3 new dangly earrings, 2 pairs of jeans and some other stuff from the sundry store. Little things. Sambil tunggu kemeja Mimi siap di'alter' kami lunched at the Malindo place depan sundry store tu.

Then I called CitizenSierra. She was free that day so I ajak dia pergi CentrePoint for some sushi.We were there early so I decided to get a manicure. The girl did a square cut on my nails. Made them look stumpy. But at least dia tak mencucuk the palm of my hand bila I make a fist. Mimi pun waited for me to get done before he had his done too. I didn't feel like going anywhere so I stuck around while he had his nails done. The manicurist tanya I baru kahwin ke? Sebab I pakai inai di jari. Kalau aku dengan si Mimi kahwin memang la kami ni mak an odd couple. Dia dengan cam gegirlnya. Aku dengan jejanznya. Aku kata taklah, ni adik. So kami pun berlakon la sebagai adik beradik dengan menyelitkan nilai-nilai kekeluargaan dalam perbualan kami from that point on.

Pergi Vincci, jumpa a wedge yang agak menarik minat jua. Tapi sebab takde budget for shoes, aku tak beli pun. Kebelakangan ni pandai la menahan diri dari membuat unnecessary purchases. Syukur. Aku harap ianya akan berterusan!

Then Nat pun sampai. Spent a few hours with her, catching up and sharing some newfound secrets to womanly beauty. Tak sabar dia nak join me in my quest. So kami pergi la dapatkan keperluannya as soon as we were done with the sushi. Kalau menjadi ke tak menjadi, tobat aku tak nak citer kat korang apa ke mendernya kami cuba tu. Huahahaha...

I am envious of CS because now dia dah ada apartment, fully furnished lagi tu. The best part must be her bedroom because according to her, she made it up to feel like a hotel room siap dengan king-sized bed lagi. I pun naaaaaaaak!!! I nak bilik tidur macam tu jugak!!! Huhuhuhu...

You go Nat!

Lepas tu si Mimi pergi buat hal dia, me and Nat jalan-jalan pergi book store, looked for novels for Mag. Yang dia nak tu tak ada, tapi yang lain tu, 2 sekali ada, so dia kata beli je both. Then we pergi lepak kat McD plak. Takde apa sangat yang nak dilihat atau dibeli... lepak la kat kedai makan tu, sambil makan Chocolate Sundae.

Then Mimi datang joined us. It was getting late, so kami pun minta diri dulu nak teruskan perjalanan balik ke Lawas. I wish we can go to a beach somewhere next time I pergi jumpa dia kat sana. We'll see.

Balik. It was uneventful. Yang pasti kami singgah lagi kat Restoran Malaysia and pekena satu lagi round nasik sambal sebelum meneruskan perjalanan.

Sampai kat sekolah Mimi, I tinggalkan dia kat situ, sebelum tu I melawak....

"Dalam perjalanan pulang, Kak Lynette telah ternampak satu bayangan manusia menahan keretanya di tepi jalan, namun dia tidak berhenti untuk menumpangkan orang tersebut. Beberapa ketika kemudian, dia mendapati bayangan yang telah cuba menahan keretanya sebentar tadi kini telah berada di sebelahnya dan memandang ke arah kak Lynette dengan penuh perasaan marah..."

Suka benarla si Mimi tu dengar cerita seram tu. Sambil dia melambai aku nak meninggalkan sekolah tu sengsorang sambil la dia menyakat aku ... aku tau, antara aku dengan dia, dia lagi penakot!!! Huahahahah!

Seram gak tengkuk. Area yang kami lalu nak balik ke Lawas tu ada yang keras belaka. Tapi takpe, Allah kan ada? Aku baca ayat Kursi and ayat Seribu Dinar, aku pasang lagu kekuat kat radio and buat cam biasa.

Kul 9.30 aku selamat sampai kat Lawas. Aku text Nat and Mimi. Thanks for spending time with me you guys... You made my day.

Tomorrow, we'll conduct the assembly fully in English for the first time. I wonder how it would be like. Ala, once in a month je. I think these people can manage.

Aku mengantuk. Korang tak mengantuk ke baca entry merapu aku ni? Esok aku try lagi. Now mata dah kecik. Mesti tido. Papai ya'll!

waves

Doesn't look exactly like when I was at the salon but I can't say I am unhappy with this look.
It's not ramrod straight.

What do you think?

tagged

This is a tag from CitizenSierra

Here are the rules:

* First copy and paste it.
* Do not remove any content.
* Just add One word related to your blog.
* If you don't like the concept Pls! say no?
* Our main goal is we are going to circulate our number of friends.
* The more people join the "pass it to the front" the more links we generate.
* Lastly write only one word "short" for your blogs...
* Keep it simple and short, I know some of you have more than one blogs.
* The color is only black, gray, or white plssss avoid using any color okies.Let me show you:

1.-Filipina, 2.-Darling allen, 3.-Abroad, 4.-Halfway, 5.-life,
6.-culture, 7.-interracial, 8.-pinaystories , 9.-pinaysinglelooking, 10.-health,
11.-Miscellaneous, 12. Children 13. postcards 14. photography 15. parenting.
16 Travel Sabah17. environment 18. Metamorphosis
19.outdoor 20. Nonsense

I am tagging Belladonna.
and
HannAmeen
and
AnginAngan

i am unstable

I'm unstable.

I need someone to smack me back on track.

how rude...

Have you ever had a weird conversation on the phone?

Girl :
Hello, I'm Lynette, SAII of SMK Chee Bat*. May I speak with Jessica* please?

Ahole :
Jessica'a not around, would you like to leave a message?

Girl :
Where is Jessica? This is her phone, right? Can you pass it to her? I really need to talk to her.

Ahole :
Jessica is on vacation, she didn't take her phone with her. Besides, I am his LAKI, (hate it when a man describes himself as someone's LAKI... because I know you BERLAKI with her every night, but don't have to call yourself that if you have a pencil dick and can only last 13 minutes tops) why can't I have her phone? (Because only a chauvinistic pig holds on his wife's phone).

Girl :
OK, then just tell her that Lynette from SMK Chee Bat called and wanted to talk about scholarship of two of our students that transferred to her school.

Ahole :
SMK Chee Bai? Where is this SMK Chee Bai?

Girl :
(Thinking, dude, you're from Lawas no way you don't know where Chee Bat is) SMK Chee Bat? Where? It's in Kampung Chee Bat of course.... (in her most innocent voice she could muster)

Ahole :
Hey, do you wanna talk or be disrespectful to me?

Girl :
Wha....?

Ahole :
'Click'

How can anyone blame me for being at this school in a place with such a name?

Lost my phone. Lost most numbers. Turned out, I called the wrong Jessica and this ahole had never been to Lawas. Just because you have never left your tiny little tempurung, does not mean that a place like Chee Bat doesn't exist and everyone is trying to be a smart ass like you. Poor Jessica.... she got a huge ahole for a LAKI.

*actual name has been changed.

"He Don't Love You Like I Love You"

He don't love you like I love you
Don't think about you like I think about you
He don't want to have your children
He don't wanna build his life around you

Tell me I should not be feeling what I am today
Tell me to silence my heart
Tell me We've been here before
and I will walk away from you love

For there is a wall between you and I
And he hasn't been treating you right
I've been watching it all
I seen you cry
And I just gotta tell you tonight

That he don't love you like I love you
Don't think about you like I think about you
He don't want to have your children
He don't wanna build his life around you

Tell me this love's just a feeling and will pass away
Tell me your heart is a liar
Tell me you're not what I know you are
All that a man could desire

And he doesn't know, darlin, what he's got,
But I will treasure you
If you give me a chance I will make you smile
I will give you a love that is true

But he don't love you like I love you
Don't think about you like I think about you
He don't want to have your children
He don't wanna build his life around you

So why, can you not see,
The place in your heart that was made for me
Why must you hide yourself away?
And why must you fight the way that I'm holding your hand tonight
Take a chance and give your heart to me

But he don't love you like I love you
Don't think about you like I think about you
He don't want to have your children
He don't wanna build his life around you

But he don't love you like I love you
Don't think about you like I think about you
He don't want to have your children
He don't wanna build his life around you