Saturday, January 19, 2008

keseronokan hidup dan kerja

Why do I have to suffer to be able to write more memorable things?

It is safe to say that I am not suffering at the moment. I am not over the moon over anything either. The novelty has passed and I think I am safe by being aware of the things I want in life and the relationships I choose to have.

And best of all, not caring what people think and concentrating on getting my job done has done wonders to my morale. Most of them have warmed up to me again, those who don't, I don't care about. So far, it seems like it is going to be a good school year for me.

My hair looked like it is dead now, the way it flops in a strange way all over the place when I wake up in the morning. I don't think my friends with straight hair has that kind of thing going on with their hair. And I have also discovered that I have oily hair. It was not so noticeable when it was curly. I wash it every other day anyway. Just that I just discovered I actually have oily hair! No wonder some shampoos worked for me, some don't.

But the seemingly dead and floppy hair does look better now that it is not ramrod straight anymore. It's got it's wave back and I am not too sad about it anymore. Just that, I also have fine hair. It tends to look too wispy sometimes. But that's okay, because then they don't need to 'curi' my hair anymore so that it would not be too kembang.

I love my hair. Or I am just vain. Uhuk!

Seemed like I had so much to say these few days, but I kept putting blogging off. Like it is not important for me to record anything in here anymore. Oh, by saying this, I don't mean that I have been figuring out the mysteries of the universe on my blog. It is just enough to say that my writing here has helped me figure myself out. And to me figuring myself out is important.

However, I have to admit, that lately, my blogging time has been taken up by a more intruiging writing assignment. I am glad that he is actually writing back, because I really do miss writing and receiving his opinions on most things. Not that I listen to him. But his is unbiased and level-headed. Just the way I would be when I am giving advice to my friends... according to them, occay?

I think about my dad a lot. I miss him and his ways. He may have not been the perfect dad but he was as good as any. He did the best he could. Why do I think about him so much aside from loving and missing him so much? Because I wish I could have done more for him, as repayment. Not that I can actually repay him no matter how much I do.... but at least make him have a more comfortable life. And now I only have mom to do that with and seems like I am blowing that chance off too by staying away for so long...

I am happy about most things. Yes. That's why I have not been writing in here as much. Not that I written that much to begin with.

I sat right in front of her across the table at the canteen the other day and talked to her friends like there was nothing going on. Just to irritate her. Good thing she was done with her food and just waiting for her friends to finish their drinks before leaving soon after. Being the PK does allow me that freedom; to inquire about programs in progress despite the fact that they hate me. Oh the bliss!

Dinner beckons. Tonight they are cooking. From what I smelled, it might be something with dried chilly and lots of garlic and ginger. Love those sambal Z makes. It tastes better than mine, with me being the culinary master and everything. Hew hew hew...


Belladonna said...

Hehehe, orang kata 'no news is good news'. Good to know that youre okay. I think your hair looks nice apa? Dont worry.. lagi sebulan dua ni okaylah balik :)

Anillynnette said...

Heya Belle...
Betul kan? Kalau tak menderita kerana sesuatu, kita takkan mengomel komplen itu inniew...

But the thing is, I am bad at keeping in touch with friends. Even if I love making new ones, I am not always able to keep them. I can't explain.

I am sorry for being quiet all this while. I see that your blog is always meriah with all those nice people, I don't feel my not being there is noticeable. I don't have anything amusing to say anyway, for everyone to read, so I hope you will okay with me just writing you an e-mail. I am not known for being shy, but my nervous blabbering is usually mistaken for confidence. Cheh... If I say I am a shy person, memang mereka ketawakan aku.

Anyway, my hair looks better now. I am glad that it actually pufss up a little bit that it's got waves in it now. For the first time in my life, I actually go out with my hair down and don't feel self-conscious about it, like I have always done it. Tak salah mencuba sesuatu yang baru.... even if it is scary at first. Kan kan kan?

Belle, I want you to know, even if I suck at being a friend, it doesn't mean I don't think of you. I wish I have telepathic abilities sometimes. Because I suck big time at keeping in touch. Like... if I mencelah in your blog, like I am menyampuk je, cuz I don't know anyone in your circle of friends, and I don't want to know them, because later on I will have more new friends to feel bad about for not keeping in touch with. I do hope you understand.

I hope everything will be sweet and rosy for you and LeQ for as long as the both of you shall live. And as odd as it may sound, I do pray for your happiness. Don't mistake me for a saint or anything, for it is purely selfish; I hope that I too will find the happiness you have found, one day.