Aku balik kampung malam ni. Flight kul 8.05 malam.
I am very happy to be home and with loved ones again. Especially because this had been a rough year for me. Entahlah part mana yang rough tu mak pun tataw. Tapi mak rasa drained la....
Well, at least I get to rejuvenate. Alhamdulillah. I really need this break.
My mom's place takde Streamyx. So I won't be online till I am back here again.
Kalau ada rezeki, panjang umur, insyaAllah aku akan pi jumpa kengkawan. Tapi biasalah aku kan kalau b alik sama macam bertapa je kat umah tu tak kuar-kuar.
Anyways, see you people again soon.
Lots of love and hugs,
Lynette
Friday, November 16, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
update
This one is when I answered YES to the " Were your parents cold and distant or treated you negatively when you were growing up?" question.
This is when I answered NO to the same question.
Look how a bad relationship between parents and children can fuck someone up...
But I am still narcissistic. Muahahahaha.... I'm just glad that I am not totally alone in this.
This is when I answered NO to the same question.
Look how a bad relationship between parents and children can fuck someone up...
But I am still narcissistic. Muahahahaha.... I'm just glad that I am not totally alone in this.
she who bleeds
Leona Lewis Bleeding Love Lyrics
Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy
But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling
But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe
But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy
But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling
But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe
But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
Visited Mak Leemah's blog just now and heard this very nice new song by Leona Lewis. I fell in love with it instantly, which doesn't always happen. So I did my own search and here it is for you peeps. Hope you like it as much as I do.
Can we possibly bleed love?
Can we possibly bleed love?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
thanks be to God
Thanks be to God.
Kak L tak jadi letak jawatan. Thanks to her special someone, she said.
Apa-apa pun, me and the boss are happy that she finally changed her mind after so much coaxing from us not to let go of her position because she is the best at that and there is no one else in the school who can do the job as she can.
We are very happy and content.
I am extremely happy and content with her decision. Very.
Phew!
Kak L tak jadi letak jawatan. Thanks to her special someone, she said.
Apa-apa pun, me and the boss are happy that she finally changed her mind after so much coaxing from us not to let go of her position because she is the best at that and there is no one else in the school who can do the job as she can.
We are very happy and content.
I am extremely happy and content with her decision. Very.
Phew!
change
It's not wishful thinking. It's not denial. It is simply, positive thinking. And I don't see why I should worry myself over something I have no control.
Now that is out of my system, I wanna merepek some more.
Hari ini sepatutnya hari ke empat aku puasa. Tapi, aku started having my periods. Most people would say bummer. Dah separuh hari! Tapi aku tak terasa apa pun. Aku ajak kengkawan pergi kantin and belanja mereka makan lagi.
I just miss the detox sensation I had during Ramadhan; the light-headed clarity of everything. And I also can get some pahala doing it to boot. But then, it is not meant to be. Tak apalah kan? Lagipun nak mula awal pun kali ni, I had been on medication for close to three weeks. There is not much I could do about that.
Hmm...
Satu perkara yang bermain di fikiran aku... mesyuarat guru yang akan diadakan esok. Dengan hubungan yang kurang baik antara aku dan sebahagian guru di sekolah ini ketika ini, aku agak berat untuk hadir. Tapi, aku tak pernah tak hadir mesyuarat tanpa sebab kukuh sebelum ini, seperti out station, and I am not planning to start now.
The thing is, aku bukan tak nak pergi mesyuarat. I have no problem with that. Tapi aku rasa apa yang akan diumumkan esok akan menambahkan kekeruhan keadaan. Aku pasti ramai yang akan tidak bersetuju dengan keputusan Pengetua jika dia buat keputusan untuk meneruskan rombakan jawatan pengurusan untuk tahun hadapan.
Aku dah menolak seawal bulan puasa yang lalu. Tapi bila Pengetua sukar mencari pengganti dan Kak L berkeras ingin meneruskan rancangannya, aku tersepit antara rasa tanggungjawab terhadap kawan, ketua, dan perasaan takut akan ketidakmampuanku untuk memikul tanggungjawab yang sebegitu besar.
Aku tak boleh terus merasa takut akan kegagalan. Aku tak boleh terus bersedih dengan keadaan yang sedang berlaku antara aku dan mereka. Aku pasti perkara ini boleh diselesaikan dengan masa dan usaha yang lebih dari aku. Aku pasti boleh melakukannya dengan bimbingan Kak L dan Pengetua.
Tapi aku kena belajar untuk lebih banyak bersabar, untuk tidak terlalu lancang bila bersuara, untuk lebih pandai berdiplomasi dengan kakitangan bawah jagaanku. Untuk mengorbankan sebahagian besar egoku, if I really want to make this work. After all, an excellent leader does not simply lead, they command admiration as well. Takkan aku nak terus-terusan dengan sikap panas baran aku je. Mereka bukan sekadar manusia biasa, mereka adalah rakan sejawatan yang sewajarnya aku hormati dan hargai. I am not a leader yet, but if I am planning to get there, I will have to start learning how to do it properly now.
I will re-read N's leadership books. Shackelton's Way is an excellent book. But my retaining ability is close to nothing. Cemano nak sambung Master's Degree nieh???
Namun keputusan muktamad masih di tangan Pengetua. Dia nampak lega bila aku bersetuju tadi, demi kegembiraan Kak L dan kesenangan Pengetua. Tapi keputusan Kak L hanya akan kami dapat tahu pagi esok. Sama ada dia betul-betul akan melepaskan jawatan ini untuk mengambil jawatan lain atau akan bertahan setahun lagi sebelum Pengetua bersara, itu semua di tangan Kak L dan Pengetua. Terlalu banyak yang aku perlu lakukan untuk unit aku yang belum aku lunaskan. Tapi kalau dah tiba masanya, aku terpaksa lepaskan juga, tapi aku tetap akan membimbing penggantiku.
Aku tak gembira menerimanya. Tapi demi melihat sejauh mana kemampuan aku dalam bidang ini, I am ready to take this on. I am only 31. I will need a lot of help.
Kita tengoklah nanti macamana esok. Apa pun keputusannya, aku tetap akan berusaha untuk memperbaiki diri dan keadaan. Aku tak mau jadi penyebab pecah-belahnya rakan-rakan sekerja atas kesilapan dan kelemahan diri aku sebagai manusia.
Tapi, aku dah berada di sini semenjak tahun 1999. Rasanya everything was great between me and everyone else. Tapi tahun ni segala masalah bermula sebaik dia keluar dari rumah kami. Is it really 100% my fault, atau ada manusia yang amat tak berpuas hati dengan apa yang berlaku antara kami yang mula melakukan sesuatu di belakangku?
You be the judge.
But I will do everything in my power to work things out and be a better person, friend, co-worker, woman, daughter, sister, everything.
Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, give me the strength to overcome this obstacle in my life.
Now that is out of my system, I wanna merepek some more.
Hari ini sepatutnya hari ke empat aku puasa. Tapi, aku started having my periods. Most people would say bummer. Dah separuh hari! Tapi aku tak terasa apa pun. Aku ajak kengkawan pergi kantin and belanja mereka makan lagi.
I just miss the detox sensation I had during Ramadhan; the light-headed clarity of everything. And I also can get some pahala doing it to boot. But then, it is not meant to be. Tak apalah kan? Lagipun nak mula awal pun kali ni, I had been on medication for close to three weeks. There is not much I could do about that.
Hmm...
Satu perkara yang bermain di fikiran aku... mesyuarat guru yang akan diadakan esok. Dengan hubungan yang kurang baik antara aku dan sebahagian guru di sekolah ini ketika ini, aku agak berat untuk hadir. Tapi, aku tak pernah tak hadir mesyuarat tanpa sebab kukuh sebelum ini, seperti out station, and I am not planning to start now.
The thing is, aku bukan tak nak pergi mesyuarat. I have no problem with that. Tapi aku rasa apa yang akan diumumkan esok akan menambahkan kekeruhan keadaan. Aku pasti ramai yang akan tidak bersetuju dengan keputusan Pengetua jika dia buat keputusan untuk meneruskan rombakan jawatan pengurusan untuk tahun hadapan.
Aku dah menolak seawal bulan puasa yang lalu. Tapi bila Pengetua sukar mencari pengganti dan Kak L berkeras ingin meneruskan rancangannya, aku tersepit antara rasa tanggungjawab terhadap kawan, ketua, dan perasaan takut akan ketidakmampuanku untuk memikul tanggungjawab yang sebegitu besar.
Aku tak boleh terus merasa takut akan kegagalan. Aku tak boleh terus bersedih dengan keadaan yang sedang berlaku antara aku dan mereka. Aku pasti perkara ini boleh diselesaikan dengan masa dan usaha yang lebih dari aku. Aku pasti boleh melakukannya dengan bimbingan Kak L dan Pengetua.
Tapi aku kena belajar untuk lebih banyak bersabar, untuk tidak terlalu lancang bila bersuara, untuk lebih pandai berdiplomasi dengan kakitangan bawah jagaanku. Untuk mengorbankan sebahagian besar egoku, if I really want to make this work. After all, an excellent leader does not simply lead, they command admiration as well. Takkan aku nak terus-terusan dengan sikap panas baran aku je. Mereka bukan sekadar manusia biasa, mereka adalah rakan sejawatan yang sewajarnya aku hormati dan hargai. I am not a leader yet, but if I am planning to get there, I will have to start learning how to do it properly now.
I will re-read N's leadership books. Shackelton's Way is an excellent book. But my retaining ability is close to nothing. Cemano nak sambung Master's Degree nieh???
Namun keputusan muktamad masih di tangan Pengetua. Dia nampak lega bila aku bersetuju tadi, demi kegembiraan Kak L dan kesenangan Pengetua. Tapi keputusan Kak L hanya akan kami dapat tahu pagi esok. Sama ada dia betul-betul akan melepaskan jawatan ini untuk mengambil jawatan lain atau akan bertahan setahun lagi sebelum Pengetua bersara, itu semua di tangan Kak L dan Pengetua. Terlalu banyak yang aku perlu lakukan untuk unit aku yang belum aku lunaskan. Tapi kalau dah tiba masanya, aku terpaksa lepaskan juga, tapi aku tetap akan membimbing penggantiku.
Aku tak gembira menerimanya. Tapi demi melihat sejauh mana kemampuan aku dalam bidang ini, I am ready to take this on. I am only 31. I will need a lot of help.
Kita tengoklah nanti macamana esok. Apa pun keputusannya, aku tetap akan berusaha untuk memperbaiki diri dan keadaan. Aku tak mau jadi penyebab pecah-belahnya rakan-rakan sekerja atas kesilapan dan kelemahan diri aku sebagai manusia.
Tapi, aku dah berada di sini semenjak tahun 1999. Rasanya everything was great between me and everyone else. Tapi tahun ni segala masalah bermula sebaik dia keluar dari rumah kami. Is it really 100% my fault, atau ada manusia yang amat tak berpuas hati dengan apa yang berlaku antara kami yang mula melakukan sesuatu di belakangku?
You be the judge.
But I will do everything in my power to work things out and be a better person, friend, co-worker, woman, daughter, sister, everything.
Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, give me the strength to overcome this obstacle in my life.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
merepek
Bila aku tak nak dengar cakap orang, aku dikatakan in denial. But what is wrong in giving someone the benefit of the doubt until proven guilty? Bencilah aku. It's so damned complicated!
Why are we drawn into relationships when we were fine being on our own in the first place only to find that any kind of ambiguity in the relationship will throw us off-balance or leave us questioning the other's commitment in the whole thing and questioning ourselves if we have made a wise decision in finally having the faith for someone to enter your safe zone; your life?
Why? Is the urge procreate that strong? Is it really procreation that is the driving force behind it all?
Aku malas nak fikir ni semua. All I want is to be happy and not be bogged down by all this shit concerning other people.
Maybe I just hate being vulnerable. Maybe I don't trust people. What is wrong being vulnerable, Lina? Well, for starters, when you are vulnerable, it means you are allowing people to hurt you.
What is wrong with being hurt once in a while? Nothing, it just sucks. And the time and effort it takes to heal, I can always invest in something else.
But when you trust someone enough to give him your heart, that tells him that he should be very careful with it. Does it really matter to him? That much? That he would bother to be careful with something that is not his?
Why do we have to 'give' someone our heart when we are in a relationship. Why can't we keep our heart and still love that person?
Apa aku merapu ni?
I am feeling neglected. And a certain silent reader of mine said I am just rafting in Denial. Which is not the river that runs through Egypt.
Fine, granted we can always drop everything and head for the hills the moment we smell something fishy going on. But then where is the struggle in that? And why do I have to listen to him when he himself admits that he does the bastardly thing himself. No offense, dude, I am not calling you a liar or anything.
But really, for the time being, let me take this cruise down De nial if it really is, and when I am sure for having been there myself, I will do the right thing. No, it won't be letting him into my pants.
Sebab... aku tak suka mengikut telunjuk orang. Aku rela tersungkur dan bangun sendiri later on dari dengar kata orang sewenang-wenangnya. Itu pasal la Encik R oi... But thanks for the valuable point of view mu ittew.
And he said I have wishful thinking some more. Dey! This man can make me mad sometimes lah. But then I can't blame him for giving me his opinion on the matter. Siapa suruh aku menggatai bukak mulut bertanya dia ittew inniew in the first place? So, padan la muka akkiew.
Hur hur hur. Aku mengantuk. Ada 3 hari lagi nak puasa. Moga-moga my periods lewat lagi macam biasa, dapatlah aku habiskan puasa 6 aku tahun inniew. Auw!
Why are we drawn into relationships when we were fine being on our own in the first place only to find that any kind of ambiguity in the relationship will throw us off-balance or leave us questioning the other's commitment in the whole thing and questioning ourselves if we have made a wise decision in finally having the faith for someone to enter your safe zone; your life?
Why? Is the urge procreate that strong? Is it really procreation that is the driving force behind it all?
Aku malas nak fikir ni semua. All I want is to be happy and not be bogged down by all this shit concerning other people.
Maybe I just hate being vulnerable. Maybe I don't trust people. What is wrong being vulnerable, Lina? Well, for starters, when you are vulnerable, it means you are allowing people to hurt you.
What is wrong with being hurt once in a while? Nothing, it just sucks. And the time and effort it takes to heal, I can always invest in something else.
But when you trust someone enough to give him your heart, that tells him that he should be very careful with it. Does it really matter to him? That much? That he would bother to be careful with something that is not his?
Why do we have to 'give' someone our heart when we are in a relationship. Why can't we keep our heart and still love that person?
Apa aku merapu ni?
I am feeling neglected. And a certain silent reader of mine said I am just rafting in Denial. Which is not the river that runs through Egypt.
Fine, granted we can always drop everything and head for the hills the moment we smell something fishy going on. But then where is the struggle in that? And why do I have to listen to him when he himself admits that he does the bastardly thing himself. No offense, dude, I am not calling you a liar or anything.
But really, for the time being, let me take this cruise down De nial if it really is, and when I am sure for having been there myself, I will do the right thing. No, it won't be letting him into my pants.
Sebab... aku tak suka mengikut telunjuk orang. Aku rela tersungkur dan bangun sendiri later on dari dengar kata orang sewenang-wenangnya. Itu pasal la Encik R oi... But thanks for the valuable point of view mu ittew.
And he said I have wishful thinking some more. Dey! This man can make me mad sometimes lah. But then I can't blame him for giving me his opinion on the matter. Siapa suruh aku menggatai bukak mulut bertanya dia ittew inniew in the first place? So, padan la muka akkiew.
Hur hur hur. Aku mengantuk. Ada 3 hari lagi nak puasa. Moga-moga my periods lewat lagi macam biasa, dapatlah aku habiskan puasa 6 aku tahun inniew. Auw!
Monday, November 5, 2007
moved
I have moved my bad entries to another blog. They don't belong here.
If I continue being that way, I don't think I belong in here either.
If I continue being that way, I don't think I belong in here either.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
bday wish
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUE
WHEREVER YOU ARE,
I WISH YOU HAVE ALL THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE,
BE IT LIFE COMPANION, FRIENDS,
LIFE IN GENERAL.
SEMOGA SUE AKAN TERUS DIKURNIAKAN KESIHATAN DAN
KUDRAT UNTUK TERUS MENIKMATI KEHIDUPAN DI SAMPING
ORANG-ORANG YANG DEKAT DI HATI SUE.
HUGS AND KISSES.
LOVE,
ANILLYNETTE.
WHEREVER YOU ARE,
I WISH YOU HAVE ALL THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE,
BE IT LIFE COMPANION, FRIENDS,
LIFE IN GENERAL.
SEMOGA SUE AKAN TERUS DIKURNIAKAN KESIHATAN DAN
KUDRAT UNTUK TERUS MENIKMATI KEHIDUPAN DI SAMPING
ORANG-ORANG YANG DEKAT DI HATI SUE.
HUGS AND KISSES.
LOVE,
ANILLYNETTE.
bubur nasi
It is her 30th birthday today. And she was the one who called me on the phone earlier this evening. She is so thoughtful. And I am so thoughtless. :(
Thank you, Bella for the phone call. It was greatly appreciated, I assure you. I just felt guilty that I was not the one to call you first.
Hari ni, later on, after school, before we could all leave for the day, the school held the dress rehearsal for the Majlis Penyampaian Hadiah that is going to be held tomorrow morning. I feel left out, from the preparation sebab I had been away since Monday. Lagipun ever since I held this post, I have been put on the protocol committee. In short, just be there, be nice to the VIP guests, and try to be pretty. Hahaha...
Tapi tadi tengok mereka kelam kabut part susunan pelajar yang akan naik ke pentas. So as usual, I took charge of the situation. To the chagrin of the people who had been doing the job since last week. I don't care what they think of me anymore. I know they think I am evil no matter what I do. Besides, I don't want them to be kelam-kabut tomorrow morning when the ceremony is in progress. Even before this pun, the boss puts me in charge of putting order in chaos. Korang tak suka tak apa, yang pentingnya, I am good at that, so it doesn't really matter if you like it or not, I am just gonna give you guys a hand anyway.
And I also gave pointers to the performing teams too. I am afraid that their being tardy (as per custom here) that they would ruin the flow of the program. They assured me that they will do their best not to screw up. Fine with me. I like tegur something BEFORE it became shit and too late to rectify. I hope they will do good because they were good petang tadi.
Tadi Bella called and told me that she is being kidnapped by two of her friends for a nice dinner at KLCC. She is one lucky girl. I may sound like I envy her, but then if you can remember, I don't celebrate my birthdays. Consequently, I hardly remember other people's birthdays too. Rendering thoughtless. Memang thoughtless la to most people's standards. Well, it's just not a big tradition when I grew up, and it is sad that people in my life feel like they are unimportant to me when I don't remember their birthdays. But that's just the way it is. The way I am. Maybe it is a bad tradition to you, but I don't think I care that much to want to make that change.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I am not against celebrating birthdays. Far be it. I just don't need to be reminded that I am a year older and therefor will have to learn to act my age when I really, really do not know HOW to act my age. All I know is that age does slow me down and that is a good thing because I don't think I wanna act like a 16 year old giggly girl who fidgets non-stop when I am at this age.
Anyway, Bellas asked me what did I have for dinner. I said;
Bubur.
She said, "Are you sick or something?"
"Oh, no, no.... I just feel the urge for bubur nasi, that's all. Mengidam."
Somehow, that managed to leave Bella a little stumped.
I guess living in KL where there is scrumptious morsels of food everywhere you turn, bubur nasi would be the last thing in anyone's mind for the perfect dinner. Oh come on, it is not a perfect dinner. But then that was what I felt the urge for and I had gone out of my way to look for all the condiments that I loved to take with the bubur nasi.
Black beans, pickled lettuce, telur masin, century eggs even, daun bawang (ya amat la susahnya nak dapat di Lawas ni, tapi lucky me, hari ni Thursday, my friend yang jual sayur at the market tu memang pergi Kundasang ambil sayur on Thursdays, so untuk my open house Sabtu ni, I borong RM6. I said borong, sebab aku pun terkejut RM6 tu rupanya dapat banyak sangat. Kaget aku!) bawang goreng, and tiny slivers of ginger, and a dash of sesame oil. I guesss just a healthy conscious chinese person would see that as something sedap. I don't know. tapi kalau dah mengidam, ada orang boleh makan sabun mandi, apa?
And bubur nasi malam ni sangat sedap to me. Jangan risau, Bella. I don't eat bubur nasi every night of my life here. Promise! In fact, dah lebih setahun semenjak the last time I had this bubur attack. Maybe sebab I had some bubur nasi at the hotel where I stayed last time I was in Miri kut?
Balik rumah, I just masak secawan beras dengan air, and started chopping the daun bawang, the century eggs, rebus telur, hiris halia and tak sabar-sabar menunggu buburnya siap. Hahahaha...
Burphrhrhrhrhrh.... excuse me for being so pleasantly filled.
Thank you, Bella for the phone call. It was greatly appreciated, I assure you. I just felt guilty that I was not the one to call you first.
Hari ni, later on, after school, before we could all leave for the day, the school held the dress rehearsal for the Majlis Penyampaian Hadiah that is going to be held tomorrow morning. I feel left out, from the preparation sebab I had been away since Monday. Lagipun ever since I held this post, I have been put on the protocol committee. In short, just be there, be nice to the VIP guests, and try to be pretty. Hahaha...
Tapi tadi tengok mereka kelam kabut part susunan pelajar yang akan naik ke pentas. So as usual, I took charge of the situation. To the chagrin of the people who had been doing the job since last week. I don't care what they think of me anymore. I know they think I am evil no matter what I do. Besides, I don't want them to be kelam-kabut tomorrow morning when the ceremony is in progress. Even before this pun, the boss puts me in charge of putting order in chaos. Korang tak suka tak apa, yang pentingnya, I am good at that, so it doesn't really matter if you like it or not, I am just gonna give you guys a hand anyway.
And I also gave pointers to the performing teams too. I am afraid that their being tardy (as per custom here) that they would ruin the flow of the program. They assured me that they will do their best not to screw up. Fine with me. I like tegur something BEFORE it became shit and too late to rectify. I hope they will do good because they were good petang tadi.
Tadi Bella called and told me that she is being kidnapped by two of her friends for a nice dinner at KLCC. She is one lucky girl. I may sound like I envy her, but then if you can remember, I don't celebrate my birthdays. Consequently, I hardly remember other people's birthdays too. Rendering thoughtless. Memang thoughtless la to most people's standards. Well, it's just not a big tradition when I grew up, and it is sad that people in my life feel like they are unimportant to me when I don't remember their birthdays. But that's just the way it is. The way I am. Maybe it is a bad tradition to you, but I don't think I care that much to want to make that change.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I am not against celebrating birthdays. Far be it. I just don't need to be reminded that I am a year older and therefor will have to learn to act my age when I really, really do not know HOW to act my age. All I know is that age does slow me down and that is a good thing because I don't think I wanna act like a 16 year old giggly girl who fidgets non-stop when I am at this age.
Anyway, Bellas asked me what did I have for dinner. I said;
Bubur.
She said, "Are you sick or something?"
"Oh, no, no.... I just feel the urge for bubur nasi, that's all. Mengidam."
Somehow, that managed to leave Bella a little stumped.
I guess living in KL where there is scrumptious morsels of food everywhere you turn, bubur nasi would be the last thing in anyone's mind for the perfect dinner. Oh come on, it is not a perfect dinner. But then that was what I felt the urge for and I had gone out of my way to look for all the condiments that I loved to take with the bubur nasi.
Black beans, pickled lettuce, telur masin, century eggs even, daun bawang (ya amat la susahnya nak dapat di Lawas ni, tapi lucky me, hari ni Thursday, my friend yang jual sayur at the market tu memang pergi Kundasang ambil sayur on Thursdays, so untuk my open house Sabtu ni, I borong RM6. I said borong, sebab aku pun terkejut RM6 tu rupanya dapat banyak sangat. Kaget aku!) bawang goreng, and tiny slivers of ginger, and a dash of sesame oil. I guesss just a healthy conscious chinese person would see that as something sedap. I don't know. tapi kalau dah mengidam, ada orang boleh makan sabun mandi, apa?
And bubur nasi malam ni sangat sedap to me. Jangan risau, Bella. I don't eat bubur nasi every night of my life here. Promise! In fact, dah lebih setahun semenjak the last time I had this bubur attack. Maybe sebab I had some bubur nasi at the hotel where I stayed last time I was in Miri kut?
Balik rumah, I just masak secawan beras dengan air, and started chopping the daun bawang, the century eggs, rebus telur, hiris halia and tak sabar-sabar menunggu buburnya siap. Hahahaha...
Burphrhrhrhrhrh.... excuse me for being so pleasantly filled.
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