Thursday, February 15, 2007

bomb

Today, I took off right after classes were over. I didn't say goodbye to anyone like usual. For some reason, I feel like the need to not care about how people feel. Have I been too much of a people pleaser that just doing this makes me wonder what people will think about me when I do something like that once in a while.

It could have been better, but I don't blame my childhood. I am the person I am today for what it had been. Just that, sometimes, I feel like I am nicer to other people than to my own family. To the people who really matter.

Today, I finally got that new number plate made. The old one is lame in a way that it is shorter than the space that is provided for it. For some reason, the guy who made it for me said, it looks good. To me, it made my car look like it has Hitler's moustache. I am such a procrastinator, it took me almost five years to get a new one. It looks much better now.

While I had the plate made, I also had my tire plugged. I had one of the boys change it at school today and gave him some tip. We'll see if the plug holds. If not, then I will have to get my car new tires.

While I waited for them to do those things, I hung around the shop and looked around while talking to the owner. I made them laugh. I laughed a lot too. I don't know what makes me so funny that I can make them laugh at the slightest things I say or do.

It was such a happy moment that the wife said, "You don't have any problems, do you, Miss?"

That was not the first time I was asked that question. Who doesn't have a problem? I have a lot. And most of them are unhelpable. Unhelpable. Is that even a word? But that doesn't mean I can be all cranky and moody all the time with everyone. Besides, I can't be those things all the time. That would so not be me.

So I answered her, "Of course I do. But why should I be unhappy and tell the world about it? It's not like anyone wants to do anything about it, anyway."

And it's not like being cranky and moody is going to make things any better.

I don't find being cranky and moody with everyone I see as a way of making anything better on my side of reality. But there is no wrong in being cheerful and making the world feel like it is a better place anyway, despite the fact.

Am I a ticking time bomb?

1 comment:

Anatel Ameen said...

My dearest friend, i dreamed bout u on saturday night. I woke up and told Amin bout it, and he asked me to send 'doa' to u and i pray for your happiness. I love and miss you dearly. Do take care!