I wrote J a letter earlier... I was almost done when I was distracted by the television. Then the cat walked on the laptop and she deleted the page. If I had my way, I would have grilled the stupid cat.
I don't mind having to write the letter again. I just don't like having to write the same thing again because then the impact is gone.
Well, I am gonna try anyway.
That dream is so bad. But I have never had any faith in dreams. Nothing I dreamt ever came true. Have yours? If they have... then maybe I am in trouble. Hehe...
As for the things J discussed with A, I am for one thankful to have a friend like Jwho loves me just the way I am, and through her, have the respect from A for the person that I am.
I have always had a problem fitting in, especially when I was in secondary school. Those were my difficult years. But back then, there were no counsellors for me to run to so she can tell me that it is okay to be different even when everyone hates me for being me. You can just imagine the things I had to tell myself so that I would not go crazy in that school. All I knew, I was put there by my parents for reasons beyond my comprehension, so the best I could do was be a good daughter, stay, stay out of trouble and finish school... hopefully with good results. And I did just that. And I have no idea how I passed SPM. I never really studied. So I put all the credit to my parents, who prayed to God to their very last drop of energy so a quack like me can pass through school safe and sound.
I am also glad that the 5 years spent at that school did not ruin me. It did not break me, by way of making me change myself for the sake of the fake acceptance by people I can't even pretend to like.
Only in uni did I find my place. I am glad I met you there. That is where I realized that there was nothing wrong with me. I was just mixing with the wrong kind of people.
I am glad that I never fell for the lemming ideals of the mass. Today, I am happy with who I am. Don't get me wrong. I am far from perfect. I wish I am better with money. But the rest of me, the good and the bad, I have been able to embrace. There are days when I hate myself for being born. But then there are also days when I know with great conviction that I came into exsitence for a purpose. I am still looking. But I am not complaining. I am just enjoying the journey and along the way, I try to help the ones in need... sometimes even when they don't need my help.
Haha!
I know me. I am happy with me. Me is far from perfect, but I'll make do. If there is anyone out there who doesn't, why should I care? That is not my problem.
I have prided myself for being a little eccentric in my ways, if not crazy. And most of the time, I attract crazy people. So far, I have had 5 crazy people in my town who fell in love with me. Ain't that funny? Well, I will just take that as a compliment.
People say crazy people are blessed because they will be spared from the fires of hell. Special beings, maybe. So maybe they are the only ones who can see what is so special about me? Or are they simply preparing me to enter their loony world myself? Hahaha....
And perhaps that eccentricity that attracts people to me. And I do attract weirdos. I am not saying that I am special. I know I am not. Just that sometimes, the kinds of people who swarm at me simply baffles.
So yes, I am looking for that guy who can handle the crazy part of me. Mom was lucky she had dad. Will I be as lucky?
The DQ that I am only wants someone who loves me and adores me. Is that too much to ask?
I don't mind having to write the letter again. I just don't like having to write the same thing again because then the impact is gone.
Well, I am gonna try anyway.
That dream is so bad. But I have never had any faith in dreams. Nothing I dreamt ever came true. Have yours? If they have... then maybe I am in trouble. Hehe...
As for the things J discussed with A, I am for one thankful to have a friend like Jwho loves me just the way I am, and through her, have the respect from A for the person that I am.
I have always had a problem fitting in, especially when I was in secondary school. Those were my difficult years. But back then, there were no counsellors for me to run to so she can tell me that it is okay to be different even when everyone hates me for being me. You can just imagine the things I had to tell myself so that I would not go crazy in that school. All I knew, I was put there by my parents for reasons beyond my comprehension, so the best I could do was be a good daughter, stay, stay out of trouble and finish school... hopefully with good results. And I did just that. And I have no idea how I passed SPM. I never really studied. So I put all the credit to my parents, who prayed to God to their very last drop of energy so a quack like me can pass through school safe and sound.
I am also glad that the 5 years spent at that school did not ruin me. It did not break me, by way of making me change myself for the sake of the fake acceptance by people I can't even pretend to like.
Only in uni did I find my place. I am glad I met you there. That is where I realized that there was nothing wrong with me. I was just mixing with the wrong kind of people.
I am glad that I never fell for the lemming ideals of the mass. Today, I am happy with who I am. Don't get me wrong. I am far from perfect. I wish I am better with money. But the rest of me, the good and the bad, I have been able to embrace. There are days when I hate myself for being born. But then there are also days when I know with great conviction that I came into exsitence for a purpose. I am still looking. But I am not complaining. I am just enjoying the journey and along the way, I try to help the ones in need... sometimes even when they don't need my help.
Haha!
I know me. I am happy with me. Me is far from perfect, but I'll make do. If there is anyone out there who doesn't, why should I care? That is not my problem.
I have prided myself for being a little eccentric in my ways, if not crazy. And most of the time, I attract crazy people. So far, I have had 5 crazy people in my town who fell in love with me. Ain't that funny? Well, I will just take that as a compliment.
People say crazy people are blessed because they will be spared from the fires of hell. Special beings, maybe. So maybe they are the only ones who can see what is so special about me? Or are they simply preparing me to enter their loony world myself? Hahaha....
And perhaps that eccentricity that attracts people to me. And I do attract weirdos. I am not saying that I am special. I know I am not. Just that sometimes, the kinds of people who swarm at me simply baffles.
So yes, I am looking for that guy who can handle the crazy part of me. Mom was lucky she had dad. Will I be as lucky?
The DQ that I am only wants someone who loves me and adores me. Is that too much to ask?
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