how it all began

I was ugly the day he came to my school. No make up, the worst work wear I had in my wardrobe, tired-looking. I only had my wit at my dispense.

I though he was Chinese. Then he gave me his business card. His name was Haji Something bin Something. Underneath it, Principal. And I thought he was the staff. And then we talked He is a Melanau and Malay mix. Reserved. Introverted. He wore glasses. The quiet, nerdy type, but not too much. He went to Harvard for his master's degree, as it said on the card. He seemed so much like the type I would like to be with, but he'd most probably be happily married with kids out of the nest and he is enjoying life and work again. I am not gonna be a home-wrecker.

Took him to the school hall for the program, introduced him to the students and sat for a while before I left for my classes. Then sat with him through lunch.

At the top of the steps before he left, he asked me for my number. I am in charge of the students, he does these programs for kids, so I thought OKlah, give you my number.

Then we played 'guess how much my back pack costs'. I said RM400. He said, smart. I thought to myself, snob. Then he got into the van, and was on his way back to town.

That evening he called me if we could go for dinner. I said yes, but took Zana along for company. I went because I thought he might be feeling awkward eating alone.

Two weeks later he called me up on my phone again and asked if I could go to Limbang for dinner with him. He's from Kuching, but he would be in Limbang for a program the next week. He offered to pay for accommodations when I was hesitant. I refused because I would have to spend the night in Limbang and will be late for school the next day.
Besides, that seemed dodgy to me.

I was instructed to join the centralized practice for netball in Limbang the next Wednesday, the same day he was due to leave for Kuching from Limbang.

The fact that I was not fit for the tournament made me fight the decision of making me part of the team who will go to Kuching for the Divisions. I suggested other people only to be told that by my manager that he doesn't care about the other people. He wanted me to go. He didn't say why, but maybe cuz my team won when I was the one cheering on the side of the court. I was a lunatic. You'd be embarrassed to see me. LOL.

It was Wednesday, and I didn't have anything packed. I rushed back home to pack up my things and text messaged him telling him I'd be there indeed. He said, ok, so he'll wait for me.

I got there 3 hours later. Picked him up in front of his hotel, took him to a restaurant along with my two friends who came with me in my car for the practice. I asked him, when was his flight leaving. He said, it already left. I didn't know what to say to that. He asked me when was I leaving for Lawas again. I said, Friday. He said, then he will have to postpone flying back till Friday then.

I thought he was a smooth operator.

Then dropped him off at his hotel. Went for practice.

Wenesday night : dinner, with Hajjah Kiah and Kak Fatimah and him.
Thursday morning : breakfast with him and the gang. Then netball practice.
Thursday afternoon : took the gang to the plaza to look for futsal boots. He asked me where I was on text. I told him. He told me he was at the market. And then he was in the lobby. The plaza building is adjacent to the hotel building. Later on, I text him it was time to go. He text me back that he was still at the lobby. What would that mean? Not wanting to be rude, I went to see him in the lobby; in the sweaty, smelly things I had on and face so shiny, my friends can see their image on my cheeks. He was not shocked to see me that way. Which I took as a sign of him not interested in me in any way. Which is a good thing, because then I would not have such hard time saying 'No' when he whips out the bottles of slimming pills.

He had 4 huge grilled fish from the market with him in the lobby and he wanted to take me to lunch. We talked some and then I called my friends who were waiting for me at KFC and told them about the plan and I am taking all of them with me. All 4 of them. And we still couldn't finish the 4 fish, they were so big.

Went to the park for a walk after lunch. With him and the gang. But the gang walked the other way. I hollered at them why they walking away? They yelled back, go ahead, go ahead, we're right here. I was like.... huh? He said, let 'em go anywhere they want, they'll be fine.
Walked and talked. It was ... I don't know. Never been there, never done that. I didn't really know what his intentions were. I swear. I thought he was being nice because he wanted to sell some slimming product. He wouldn't be the first to do that; be nice to me so I'd buy their stuff.

Took him back to his hotel and went for another round of practice and then went to my friend's place for a shower.

He asked me if I had plans that night. I said no. He said come to dinner then, he had prawns, clams, veggies, and watermelon from the market. Asked Hajjah Kiah and Kak Fatimah to come along. They refused. Kak Fatimah said she was too tired. Hajjah Kiah said no too because she wanted me to go there alone so he could have some time alone with me. I asked her, why do you want me to have some time alone with him? So he can whip out the slimming pills he's been wanting to sell to me since the first day he saw me??? She said, don't be SILLY! He's a nice man and he might wanna say something so I don't wanna be there spoiling the mood. I was like.... NOOOO....!!! Please come with me, please, please! I'd like to have someone to be there with me when I say No to his slimming pills. She said... Yus! Quit that. He's not gonna do any of that sort. Go have dinner, have fun.

I was like.... FINE! I'll go. I can say no, no problem.

Waited for him in the lobby. He came up to me from behind and asked me if my friends are with me. I said, no. He said... we are going to have some trouble with dinner then. I saw him holding a huge plastic bag. Inside was enough food for 4 people. 4 really greedy people, that is. Took him in the car to the open air food stalls. He asked the cook to prepare the things he's got there.

We ate. Like ... I don't know what. More than any normal people would eat when they are hungry. And there was still a lot left. Then there was the watermelon. All the while, I was thinking, when is he gonna start telling me about his health product. Then there were the peanuts. Then I said I have had enough, no more food for the next few days. He laughed. And then I suggested we take a walk. He asked them to put the leftovers in doggy bags for me to take home. Left them in the car, and we went for a walk all over the town. It was a breezy night. We walked all the way to the end of the waterfront and then doubled back to his hotel. The mosque was next to it, there was a line on marble benches right in front, we sat there and talked. The burger stall guy probably listened to most of the things we said. He told me everything. Like I was shocked that he was telling me all that he was telling me. What was he thinking? Even why he and his wife had split up. I told him about you. Of course he thought I was cuckoo. I told him you weren't that badlah. Just married. Then I looked at my watch, it was already 11.30. I am such a rude guest. I had to rush back. It was so late already. I left him in front of the hotel and drove back.

I changed and was in bed thinking about what had happened. Why was he being so nice? What did he want? Then a text came in. It simply said, I think I like you.

I thought... think? You think? THINK you like me? I showed Hajjah Kiah the text, she was sleeping next to me. She said... There, I told you so....

I text him back, I think I like you too. Keyword here is like. I thought it was gonna be just another one of those friend friend thing. Until the next morning that is.

I text him that we'd go for breakfast, then drop my friends of for practice, and then I dropped him off at the airport, how does that sound? He said, that sounds good. Thank you.

He called me the next morning to see if I can have breakfast with him at the hotel restaurant instead, just the two of us. I thought to myself, in my sportswear? I look bad in most things. I look the worst in that. He's seen me all dirty and smelly. I didn't want the other hotel guests to see me with him and embarrass him. So I said, I have to take my friends with me. So with my friends tagging along, I picked him up, took him for some nasi lemak. Then dropped my friends at practice and drove him to the airport.

In the car he told me he was in love with me. I thought to myself, he might be a mental case. I just smiled blankly at him. At the airport, I waited with him for the boarding. He played with his phone while I looked at people. When it was time to go, he placed his hands on my waist and bended down to kiss me?! What the fuck!? This is not fucking America!

I pushed him away, and said sorry, I don't do this kind of thing. He was okay about it. And when he entered the departure hall, I walked away as fast as I could out of the airport towards my car.

As I was driving away, my phone rang. It was him. He asked me if I was OK. I said, of course, why wouldn't I be? We hung up and I found a text on my phone. He sent me text while we were sitting side by side, earlier at the airport. He is such a strange man.

So we text and call each other from time to time after that. He told me to pray and fast in certain dates of the Islamic calendar and ask God to make us an easy path for a life together. I like him. But he was rushing me.

He also asked me to read the whole Quran during Ramadhan. He makes me go to bed at 8pm, like him. And wake up at 4.30 so I can pray and read the Yassin every morning, like him. He told me to go for the mandatory marriage course for muslims. I was like... what???? But I haven't gone yet. Cuz why would I wanna go if he doesn't even want to see me. After the stupid misunderstanding.

He said the earliest we could get married, was end of last year but that is not a good year so we better not.

He scares me in the sense that he seems like a lunatic in his plans. But he doesn't look like an evil mastermind to me. I don't know.

It all happened so suddenly. I didn't know what hit me.

Now I am scared and confused. I gave him three chances to walk away at different times. He said he is not leaving. He is just trying to look for a way to make things better between us. I thought he was just dodging the issue.

If I am not worth understanding, then why the hell does he want to have anything to do with me? He has 4 grown up, successful kids. He had a marriage. He has his job which he loves so much. He loves traveling and he does that a lot with his job. He's met a looooooot of people. But he picked me? Why does he want me? Do I look desperate to him? Just so he will have someone to wipe his ass when he is old and bedridden? He can pay people to do it for him. Then why bother working for something he doesn't need? Just because he wants?

You can probably see where I started cheating on you again. But I didn't tell you this because I want to reignite your anger and disappointment towards me. But what has happened seemed so strange that no one I have told could decipher his real agenda. I am scared of making the wrong decision. I'd rather be alone than be stuck with anyone and being miserable. I just don't know what I should do.

I am still not OK about him putting me on hold for such a long time. I am not a thing he can put aside whenever I inconvenienced him. I don't wanna meet him yet. I am still upset. But he is making plans to come over with another team from his college. I don't know how to tell him that I need more time away from him without hurting his feelings. So I just said OK whenever he started talking about his visit.

busy bee

Things seem to be looking up for me. I have more and more work to do and most of the things I have to do are things I enjoy doing.

Today, I taught my classes. They are quite responsive. I was impressed. Especially my better class. So I was pretty happy.

Then in the afternoon, there was staff meeting. Man, did we rile things up a bit. But hey, when you don't do your job, it is my responsibility to bitch about it. Learn your lesson, boy.

Then I sorted some things in my office and left for the day. It was 6pm by then.

My boss said I should be the LO for the three people flying in for the program in town tomorrow morning. I said OK. I have done LO before. So I called Mr Saturday and he said, they will be flying in at 1.30, which means I have to leave school at 12.45 to get to the airport in time, get em, send em wherever they need to go and drive back to school for the staff meeting.

But later on my boss told me that I am to attend the Mesyuarat Persediaan PSKPP at the wisma at 8.30 tomorrow morning. What?

I am on the Protocol Committee for the PMR program tomorrow. And also make sure the kids behave themselves during the program. AND be at the meeting? AND be the LO?

Hm.... unless I can find a way to split myself 4-way, then that'd be a little tricky.

So, I asked kak L to be the LO. So she had to the airport and pick them up. I finished my class happily. Went to meeting. Then Kak L came and later on said I have to be there when she takes them to dinner. I said OK.
Took the girls out for dinner. Didn't eat anything. Just had teh ping kaw. Kenyang gila... sebab lepas meeting, ada makan-makan. Then later on that night, I will be eating again.

Took them home. Showered, made myself up a little, dressed and was in front of the hotel by 7.40pm.

Took them in the 'Bad Mobile' to the restaurant and had a very good conversation with the dinner. All paid for by the Jabatan.

Took em back to the hotel.

Now, I am back home, writing this.

Tomorrow... well, I can write about tomorrow, tomorrow. I'll just write the plans.

Breakfast with the team at 6.30
Go to the hall and see things and brief the kids at 7.00
Go to the wisma for the meeting at 8.15
Go back to the hall after lunch break

Oh, I am also the Pengurus / Captain for the Lawas Team. I wonder what really got me there. Maybe takde orang lain nak buat kot?

Anyway, kalau my entry tonight macam tunggang langgang, must be cuz I am sleepy. Long day tomorrow.

Good night.

atit 2

Today my back feels better. Way better. I can walk up straight. Well, straighter than yesterday. I had no class to teach today, so I went to the village clinic. The MA wanted to prescribe me with painkillers. I knew that is not gonna help any since I am not gonna take it anyway. So I guess I will just grin and bear the pain for another day or two.

I am making great progress. The last time I had it, I couldn't even move out of bed. This time, I am getting better by the third day. That is a good thing. I am hoping to get back to normal by Thursday.

don't worry

He likes to say, "Don't worry, I'll find a way."

Does he honestly believe that I will actually believe that he will actually make an effort to actually come here and see me after 11 months? That is one month shy of a year. Dude? Are you that out of touch with beings called women?

Besides, I am not worried. Not at all. It is better if he doesn't come at all anyway. He can wait till he is retired, so it is easier for me to leave him.

Don't worry, my ass.

p/s : I say horrible things when I am angry. I am insufferable. I know, admitting does not make it any better. At least I don't say it to his face.

evil thoughts

Am I an experiment?

It seems that his life is full of experiments. They mostly turn out alright. That aside, am I one of his experiments?

I called him and asked if he was coming along with his team. He told me that he has tons to do at work and he will find time to come here. He's also told me that he does not like leaving loose ends at work. He doesn't like traveling with things hanging on his mind. If he manages to get out of the office, he will come over the weekend, separate from his team. A flight, maybe.

I wanted so much to say to him,

"Well, why don't you come here when you retire then?"

I didn't, of course.

I have learned to hold my tongue when it comes to him. Not out of fear. Out of realization that I can be quite disrespectful when I am upset. I don't like that bit about myself, so I am gonna change it.

Today another guy from another branch of the same institution came to my school. He's totally my type. Tall, medium build, bespectacled, but not the nerdy kind, 36, manly enough not to resort to the 'metrosexual' man shit, healthy tan, good sense of humor. We had a good chat. I joked. We laughed.

I have the guys' business card, and he's asked me to give him a call the next time I go to KK. Maybe for a round of ten pin bowling or a movie.

Is this an avenue for me to cheat? I can if I want to. Kalau ikutkan hati. Tapi itu sebab orang kata ikut hati, mati. Overconfidence on my part? Perasan? Call it whatever you want, but to me, I am just angry. I need something to pummel to death. I wish I can pummel him to death.

I wish I feel like cheating on him. I just don't.

entries

It's been... seven months and I have only over 30 entries to show for.

I was most of the time, depressed. You know how people are when they are depressed.

So, July 30th, N might be coming. Not this week, as he said earlier. Dah agak dah. Itu pun tak pasti dia datang sekali ke tidak. Maybe just his team yang datang.

Aku benci betul.

atit....

Today I am experiencing it again. A very bad back pain. Almost debilitating. The last time it got bad, I was bedridden for two weeks.

Mom made me go to the hospital and have it x-rayed. No cracked bone. No pinched nerve. Nothing. I went to see the specialist that time. She told me that I should just treat my back with respect. Don't I know that already, and how I wish it was easy.

This time, it started Sunday morning. I knew it was gonna hurt. But I tried ignoring it. Until today, at school, I was still trying to ignore it and going through my daily routine at work. But I was in pain. And everyone could see that it was hard for me to stand upright. It was hard for me to walk without having to bend my body a little, to adjust the weight so I could move better.

My clerk said I should have applied for an MC. The thing is, I am used to ignoring these sorts of pain. Unless it is chronic diarrhea, I would still go to school. And all my 8 years in this line, I have only taken medical leave three times. Once for chronic back pain, back in 2001 (my whole back, from the neck to my ass was locked and I can't even turn my neck sideways) and twice for recurring diarrhea due to eating seafood during the red sea season. It's a wonder why I am still alive because of it. I shat and I vomited at the same time and spent the night going to the loo and practically sleeping on the loo bowl with a pail filled with predigested foods and yellow substance so vile between my legs.

That is what it takes to get me out of school. OK?

Today I had 4 periods to teach, but I only had time to give the first class an assignment to be completed in my failure to go into class. In my pain, I had to clear a case involving a lot of cussing with evidence on the victim's cellphone. Kids these days are getting violent, both verbally and physically. I called the police station, asking for advice. In the end, I solved the case myself, on condition, that if it occurs again, I will send the report to JPNS, and they will never be able to pursue a better education in a better school. Well, that's not true of course. But a threat should be scary. I hope that and the lockup stay, and the letters that would inform their parents of the matter would curb them from repeating their mistakes.

Then when it comes to the next class, I was totally unable to walk at all. I called them to the library and discussed the short story we have read the week before for English Literature using PowerPoint. I sat throughout, true. But that is better than skipping class altogether. That was all I could do that day. I am sorry if I let anyone down with the only thing I could manage during class today.

Esok boss takde. Dia ke Pejabat Pelajaran till Wednesday. I have to photograph AJK persatuan and kelab sepanjang minggu ni. I am really hoping that I will feel better tomorrow.

How? I don't know, some miracle I guess. I am not gonna take painkillers.

Hari ni balik awal, right after school was over. Tak tahan, sakit sangat. I don't think I would be any good staying in my office trying to get anything done being in this kind of pain. I drove sampai sekolah K, and as soon as I stopped the car, I asked her to drive. Dia agak takut-takut at first, tapi sampai rumah, she could do it just fine. Takde pun masalah. Sampai rumah, I just laid myself flat in the livingroom floor, while they cooked lunch. I fell asleep, but woke a little when Z ajak makan. I said, makan dulu. Karang akak makan. 3.30pm, I woke up, dah kurang sikit sakitnya. I went upstairs and took a shower. I hope it will get better tomorrow. I have so much to do. And Friday ni I AJK protokol untuk Program Kecemerlangan Pelajar in town. Monday pulak, team yang N hantar nak datang untuk program students from 3, 4 and 5.

Please God, give me the strength to endure this pain so I can do everything that is my responsibility.

the week's highlight

Apa mek dah buat dalam masa 2-3 minggu ni?

Hmmm.... as you already know, tu la, mengorganize netball matches.

Tuesday, pegawai pemantau MaCS dari Kuching datang tengok perkembangan sekolah. Itu my PK1 punya field. Tapi berdebar juga. It seems semua in the right order. Boss dah pesan, come lunchtime, I have to play hostess macam biasa. Tapi mek ada kelas EST luar sidang, haruslah mek nak memonteng kelas kalau mek join mereka. Tak... mek masuk kelas, nok.

Rabu, mek juga selaku photographer majalah sekolah, terpaksa ambil gambar la... just as I was taking the last photo, pentaksir kawasan mek, untuk English SBOE, datang nak tengok if my marking scheme tally dengan yang sepatutnya. Tally sangat! tak sangka. My worry is that I might be too lenient. Tapi rupanya tidak.

Tapi kan, geramnya mek, bila my boys tu tak dapat perform sepertimana mereka perform bila mek yang ada depan mereka earlier a few months tu... nasib tak affect mek punya markings. The girls okay sangat. The boys plak yang nervous lelebih. Lepas dahbalik my pentaksir tu mek tanya mereka, what's the matter, sampai nervous sangat walhal mek dah terangkan kat mereka dia datang nak tengok mek perform, bukan mereka. Mereka nervous tahap cipan juga!

Last-last mereka mengaku, nervous, sebab kawan mek tu lawa sangat. GATALnya..... anak-anak mek ni gattey ghupernyer! Chait! Siap tanya dah kahwin ke belum lagi. Bukan apa yang buat mek terkesima ni... Dalam kelas mek, semuanya sungguh la the well-behavednye! Mek tau mereka lain perangai kalau dengan cikgu lain, cuz selalu gak cikgu-cikgu ni citer kat mek masa breakfast kat kantin. Mek ketawa je. Tapi lepas peristiwa tu, memang mek parcaya 100% la anak-anak mek ni gattey cam anak remaja lain juga adanya. Normal la kan? Tapi part yang berpeluh-peluh tu yang mek tak larat sangat nengoknya. Wahahaha! Siap buat aksi 'degupan jantung kencang' ala-ala Apek lagi.

Pentaksir tu, colleague mek juga. Kami sama-sama sampai sini back in 99. In fact, dia senior mak kat Uni. Dah selesai kerja, mek jamu lah dia to some tea and donuts. Sambil-sambil tu walaupun atas lawatan kerja, tapi sebab kawan-kawan juga, kuar jugalah cerita pasal Lelaki Gila yang obsessed sangat dengan mek kat sekolah dia tu. Dia sangatlah obsessed, sampaikan dia heret wife dia into the whole thing. Mek tak kisah. Yang gila obsesi tu dia, bukan mek, kan? (Lain kali mek citer lebih detail, ok?)

Tapi hari tu busy gila la.... sampaikan mek tak sempat handle 2 kes disiplin. Right after my pentaksir tu pergi, mek balik ke office mek, dalam tu the budak yang buat kes dah tunggu. Tapi then terus je salah seorang players mek dari primary school datang inquire mek pasal siapa nak hantar main volleyball. Mek bukan mengurus volleyball, kenapa tanya mek? Bukan patutnya cikgu XXXX ke yang handle tu, untuk both men and women's teams? Rupanya takde orang handle pun, terpaksalah mek menguruskan.

Budak tu mek terpaksa suh balik dulu and jumpa mek, dengan parents dia sekali Isnin ni.

Jumaat, weols buat Mesyuarat Agung PIBG. Sekolah applied for cuti peristiwa sebab nak adakan mesyuarat tu. Masa mesyuarat, memang la mek seperti biasa akan duk kat meja depan tu bersama Big Boss and PK1 and PK Ko-ku kan? Mek memang ahli tetap. Tapi masa pencalonan setiausaha, ada la auntie ni calonkan nama mek jadi setiausaha bagi sesi 2007/2008. Adoi.... terpaksalah Big Boss mek terangkan kat mereka yang mek memang ahli tetap, dan tak boleh pegang jawatan SU. Sebenarnya mek terharu. Ada aunties ni yang suka mek sampai calonkan mek jadi setiausaha. Nasib baik mek tak leh jadi YDP, kalau tak, mesti mek dah kena lantik kut? Muahaha.... Feeling VIP lite-lite...

Then Saturday, mek main netball untuk PSKPP. Mek takde pun berlatih dengan team mek. Mek pengurus pasukan je taw. Lagipun mek penyelaras zon. Apa kes mek kena main gak? Tak cukup pemain .... mek pun biasa main sebenarnya. Walaupun mek ni bukan the best player, tapi kehadiran mek di situ selalunya jadi pom-pom girl. Mek suka jadi cheerleader. Naikkan semangat pemain-pemain mek.

Alhamdulillah, dapat tempat ke-2. Semua dah merah kena matahari, panas yaamat pagi tu.... So mek janji nak belanja they all KFC kalau memang. Tapi tak memang. Just 2nd place. Tapi mek nak jugak belanja they all. So Rabu ni weols pi KFC. Kenapa Rabu? Sebab dah gaji la, apa lagi? Jangan tanya kenapa.... mek terbabas la, cam biasa. Macam tak reti plak. Saja je kan?

Pagi ni mek bangun lewat. Bangun dari katil mek rasa belakang belah kanan including my arse sengal-sengal. Mek jatuh 2 kali kena terkam and dilanggar. Tapi mek tak marah pun. Seronok. Semua tu kawan-kawan mek. Walau lain-lain sekolah, tapi we know each other well.

And then tengahari, my housemates and I pergi market. Last Friday, mek pergi tamu, sebelum ke sekolah untuk mesyuarat PIBG kat sekolah. Tahun ni baru 3 kali mek pergi tamu kat kampung di sekolah mek tu. Mek rasa macam celebrity. Semua orang tegur, salam, gosok-gosok lengan mek, tanya khabar, bagi kuih, bagi buah. Mek dapat buah bambangan. Buah ni bulat cam tempurung kelapa, kulit tebal, isi cam buah kuinin. Orang buat sambal, tumbuk dengan belacan and udang kering, dicicahkan ambuyat. And my admirer yang short circuit pun ada.... dah bertahun tak nampak dia. Dia kuar je dari celah-cleah baju yang bergantungan tu, pakaian smart, kepala dicukur botak... memang la nampak smart. Tapi tak center. Terus je hulur tangan nak salam dengan mek.... hai la.... mek sambut je la. Tak sampai hati

Dari semalam mek terasa nak buat ambuyat, nak makan dengan sambal buah bambangan. tapi puas la mek cari satu pekan ni, tak jumpa sagu ambuyat tu. Sedey tau?

So beli ikan tenggiri. Mek balik, mek buat imai. K and Z masak sayur and ikan tongkol bersambal. Simple je kan? Umai mek tak la sehebat umai yang dibuat oleh locals tapi not bad la, kalau sampai dapat special requests from my friends.

Lain kali la mek buat ambuyat.

Dah kenyang-kenyang tu, mek surf the internet sambil tengok TV. Tetiba... to the left, the left, everything you own in the box to the left....

Eh, bukan aku dah tukar ke ring tone kau? I thought to myself.

Sebelum angkat the phone, mek dah tahu siapa. Tapi mek ingat dah tukar ring tone untuk dia. Lagipun tak ramai orang dalam tu yang ada assigned ring tone.

Hello?
Hello... bla bla bla

We talked for half and hour...

Dia kata team yang dia nak hantar to my school for the talk masih di Marudi, so tak dapat datang minggu depan. I dah agak dah. Adaaaa je. Benci! Tapi mek tahan je perasaan. Bawak gelak je. Dah cakap for a while tu, mek bebuat tanya...

You kata nak datang bila tadi? Bulan 10? Dia tak marah pun, dia kata, I will go there, tapi I have to settle my work at this end dulu before I can leave my office on this trip to see you. Jangan risau...

I said, takdelah risau, dah dekat setahun dah, tak risau langsung.

But I guess he got the message. Cuz he kept saying yang dia akan datang sini walaupun bukan dia yang akan beri the talk cuz he will leave everything to his staff. But he will be here on his own hidden agenda. I buat dek je on his 'hidden agenda' tuh. Malas nak get excited. I dah banyak kali kecewa sebab terlalu mengharap bila dia cakap something like that. Memang la dia cakap je, tapi kalau I dah dengar macam tu, I harap taw? Kalau tak dapat memangla mek merajuk. It's my perogative taw? Muahaha! Tapi dia tak pujuk pun. :( Kalau ikutkan berapa kali, nak buat long face ni, dah jadi muka kuda dah by now tau? *Matila Camilla Parker Bowles.*

Asyik dia tanya is it musim buah here already. I cakap tataw tataw tataw, sebab I don't see people setting up makeshift stalls along the road pun. Kalau mek nak buah deghoyan ke apa ke, mek pergi masuk kampung, beli terus kat orang kampung. Mek bukan peraih taw? And I don't keep track of fruit season. Ada, adala... takde, mak tak mati pung. I love fruits. Tapi macam tu la, ada, ada. Takde, takpe.

Citer la memacam. Dah setengah jam, mek senyap, dia pun senyap. So I guess dah time to hang up la. I said... erm... dia tanya, apa? I said takde apa... dah lupa nak cakap apa... banyak sangat la, tapi dah lupa. Dia pun kata, oklah, I will call you again soon. Another empty words? Tataw. DQ sangat aku bila dia cakap nak buat something. Most of the time, dia tak mampu nak kotakan pun. :( Tapi mek tahan perasaan je. Takpelah, dia pun manusia biasa. At least ada la juag dia nak call mek petang ni. Hilang juga rindu nak dengar suara dia.

So tak jadilah dia datang sekolah mek minggu depan ni. July 30th baru sempat. Tapi dia kata dia sanggup hantar team dia ke sini 3 kali tahun ni, supaya dia ada sebab nak datang sini untuk 'hidden agenda' dia. Siap hint-hint kat mana makan best. Ala, nak amik hati mek kah? Mek tak makan pujuk hint hint camni, occay? Mek nak Toyota Vios sebijik. Cantik sangat ke kau? Hahahaha! Matila mata cap RM!

Mek sayang dia. Dia je yang tak sayang mek. Kenapa dia nak have this relationship with me, I don't know. We hardly know each other. Mek bukan lawa pun. Kecik sikit dari BluHyppo tu. Mek tak paham, mek tak paham, mek tak paham!

Tapi kalau dia nak mainkan mek, mek sure dalam daerah ni, ada ramai orang nak kenakan black magic kat dia. Maklumlah, mek kan well-loved celebrity kat sini. Wahahaha! Ni baru betul feeling feeling celeb!

Dah lewat. Lenkali plak mek menulis lagi.

Good night.

netball

Heya....
I get so preoccupied by reading other people's blogs that I forgot to update mine. And opening blogs that are rarely updated reminds me of how disappointed I'd be when there is nothing new to read. Oi W.... bila mau hapdate?

I thought there was nothing new to write in here... tapi, rupa-rupanya, banyak juga mau aku ceritakan di sini.

Well, I think I have made friends with this interesting lady after reading her blog for a few days. She's one interesting character. I thought my life was screwed up and my parents were strange. I won't comment on her family life, but it is safe to say that I deem her life very colorful. Gue belum pandai buat link directly on my entry nih, so click je la kat link kat tepi nuh...

Some people say it's membuka pekung di dada. But to me, there is nothing wrong with pouring out your thoughts and emotions online. Tak semua orang boleh keep everything bottled up, and for those people yang boleh, janganlah pandang rendah to people like us. We just do things differently. In this case, no one is better than the other.

Daripada bercerita hal macam ni, dengan manusia in our immediate vicinity yang belum tentu boleh dipercayai, baik ceritakan online, where we might find people with similar experiences. Pains can be shared too, y'know?

Anyways, what have I been up to these past few weeks?

Dah berapa minggu tak pergi KK? Three weeks.

The weekend before, organize netball match for Kelab Sukan Komuniti.

Yeahahah! Aku AJK Kelab Sukan Komuniti in this town. Lawak betul la.... Mek bukan orang local, nyah. Kenapa mak terpilih?

Sebab mek diarahkan oleh boss mek untuk menghadiri mesyuarat pertama memperkenalkan kelab tersebut about 2 years ago. Masa pemilihan Ahli Jawatankuasa, mereka cadangkan mek jadi setiausaha. Weh, weh, weh... .mek pernah jadi setiausaha. Mek telah berusaha dengan setia, oleh itu mek tau apa mek akan kena buat kalau mek setuju. So mek pun dengan tegas but politely, telah menolak nama mek dari dimasukkan ke dalam list of candidates for the post. So mek pun jadi AJK je lah.... jahat mek... sebab mek tak ikhlas pun menerima jawatan tu. Grudgingly, I thought to myself, "there goes my weekends."

To tell you the truth, I keep my weekends free so that I can take off anywhere on a whim, at the spur of the moment. Kalau dah attach myself to these kinds of organizations, where got time?

Well, memang pun. Masuk minggu ni dah 3 minggu mek tak sempat pergi KK. Mek nak tengok Harry Potter, Mek tak sempat tengok Transformers, taw! Mek ni kenapa tetiba jadi fonen ni?

Tapi what I didn't realize, it can actually be fun. And bukan sepanjang tahun pun.

Sebulan lepas, the plans are put into motion. I was put in charge of organizing netball matches. The oldies were very helpful. Maklumlah, I have never organized a match before. Anyway, the day came and even though my phone number was displayed in plain view on a banner in the middle of town, alongside the other guys.... oh, me being the only lady on the banner, (Ye, aku bangga, apa masalah kau?) was scary. Scarylah, sebab, aku ni fofuler yaamatz kat sini... lain kali lah aku cerita part me being famous here. Scary sebab aku tak nak di call oleh strangers yang sikap ala-ala monyet. Actually, itu decoy number. Memang dulu I used the digi number. Tapi after a while, I ditched the sim card. Sebab? Tatau. Anyway, selamat la mek dari menerima panggilan telefon misteri ala-ala tapir.

And mek juga dah fax borang penyertaan ke serata tempat yang ada fax. Dah call sana-sini bagi tahu mengenai benda ni. Tapi yang hantar borang just 3 team je.

On the day itself, the oldies pun cam confident je netball bleh selesai menjelang malam. Sekali... 9 team showed up. Amik hang. Main style liga plak tu. Mau sampai subuh kang main.

Anyway, mula patut kul 3, tapi volleyball tak habis lagi. Sebab guna court yang sama, terpaksalah tunggu sampai habis. Mula kul 4. Main bagai nak gila, kul 9 tak habis lagi. Bebudak yang tinggal asrama jauh dari pekan, nak balik naik apa?

Apa lagi, mek pun gaduh juga la dengan oldies tu. By gaduh, I mean I presented my arguments to these guys 1. These are still kids and they have to be sent back to wherever they come from, sebab transport kat town ni stops at 6pm. Now dah 9pm, nak suh budak-budak ni balik jalan kaki atau paksa tidur kat bus station? 2. Tak boleh habiskan games malam ni juga sebab orang dah penat main dari petang tadi sampai sekarang.

And I say gaduh because, mereka berkeras nak teruskan permainan, and hampir team dari sekolah mak kena keluar sebab lambat datang. Come on la... games tu tak set on specific time, and mereka tak makan semenjak lunch tadi, takkan keluar makan and lewat sikit dah nak kena keluarkan? Lagipun boleh walk-over what? Saja la tu, malas nak kena datang lagi. Mak tak kira, mak tetap nak sambung main esok. Sapa suruh uols tunggu kul 4 baru nak mula? Sibuk nak guna court tu juga. Yang jadi mangsa, players mak juga! Mek emo masa tu, and mek addinch care pun if they think mek ni bitchy. Mek dinch care, as long as mek gets what mek wants. DQ kah mak? Takpe, mek DQ with a purpose.

Last-last, oldies ni pun setuju nak hantar anak-anak sekolah ni balik asrama and balik kampung-kampung mereka. And sambung the semi finals and final the next day. Mek sangat berpuas hati sebab perjuangan mek berbaloi.

The next day weols main lagi. And after the games, oldies ni bawak mek and AJK mek pergi makan kat KFC. Uols mesti fikir, KFC jeh? Ye lah, sini mana ada hotel 5 bintang uols. Lagipun muka berkilat, body bau seladang, tak manis dilihat masuk tempat begitu, bukan? And kalau hotel ke, fancy restaurant ke, manaleh recount the day's events and ketawa terbahak-bahak? So unbecoming taw?

Siapakah oldies ini? Mereka adalah lelaki-lelaki Cina yang over 50's; sorang freelancing accountant selepas pencen, sorang lagi peniaga barangan sukan, sorang lagi tu contractor. I knew them through KSK. Accountant tu memang la pegang tasnactiosn kan? Pekedai barangan sukan tu, tempat I ambil barangan sukan of course, while the last one tu, ajar I macam-macam pasal sukan. They are all generally nice people, tapi kalau nak apa-apa mek kena fight for what mek wants. And mereka la yang ajar mek cemana nak handle ni semua and apa nak buat. OK lah tu kan?

Anyway, habis KSK, PSKPP pulak...

Surat sampai on Thursday, Friday mesyuarat, mek terus put in charge of handling Netball for my zone and consequently for the division, this year. Sebbaik (Bella, aku tiru kau! Cumel, I can't resist) mek dah tahu apa mek kena buat to organize such things. So mek pun quickly get down to business.

Saturday, the following week, weols main. Mek terpaksa join team mek sebab tak cukup pemain. Mek apa lagi, tak cukup stamina kan? Tapi tinggi OKlah, so mestilah jadi GK. Teammates yang lain dah berlatih for KSK, so they all oklah. The team yang weols lawan tu, just showed up that day, tatau lah if theyols berlatih ke tak. Tapi team mek menang. Tapi bila time pemilihan, weols tak la hantar semua teammates mek jer. Mek pilih gak players dari team satu lagi tu, sebab ada yang bagus and knows what they are doing.

Mek tempah court tu. Sekali, Rabu, mek dapat phonecall from volleyball organizer.

Hello, Cikgu Lynette ke?
Ye, siapa ni?
Adala cikgu from SMK ******. Boss, hehehe.
OK. Apa halnya ni?
Cikgu nak guna court tu juga ke?
Ye, kenapa?
Saya dah tempah court tu lama dah.
Ye ke? Sejak bulan berapa dah tempah?
Er, saya dah hantar surat kepada mereka dah lama dah....
Ye la, lama tu bila?

By this time, mek fikir, takpelah, boleh cari court lain. I just wanted to know siapa tu.

Siapa ni?
*senyap* ...boss... hehehe
Ye la, boss pun siapa namanya? Cikgu yang mana ni? (My voice dah serious masa ni. Mek geram orang mengada-ngada tak nak bagi tahu nama bila buat panggilan telefon secara rasmi. Lagipun nak berahsia apanya? Bukan ramai benar cikgu kat bahagian ni. Mek bleh call contacts mek and trace you, occay?)
*senyap*
Takpelah kalau tak nak bagitau, saya boleh check dengan kerani sekolah awak or pada senarai AJK di PPD.
*senyap* ... Saya cikgu M****** heheheh...
Oh, awak. OKlah kalau macam tu. Saya boleh cari court lain. Terima kasihlah sebab bagitau, bye!

Mek suka bila lelaki takut kat mek macam tu taw. Mek nak buat selalu la. Hahahaha!

Anyway, I called the other court owner. Actually, a primary school in town. Their so-called netball court tu available. Tapi dah takde line. Mek kena datang cat sendiri. OK la kalo camtu, no hal. Later on petang tu mek leh ajak AJK mek buat tu.

Tettapi... hujan la plak. Esok la....
Esok pun hujan lagi....Esok la....
Ujan jugek.... Hujan lebat, nok!!!

Last-last, mek pergi pagi Sabtu. Tengok court tu masih bertakung dengan air. Mek tak nangis pun. Mek call PT mek and kata mek nak amik binding tape beberapa gulung kat kedai alatulis sekolah kami langgan tu. And mek beli penyapu sebatang. Mek balik semula kat sekolah tu and dengan bantuan kekawan mek, kami clearkan air dari lapangan tu, and get down on our knees, membuat lines for the court. It took 20 minutes and then kami pun mula main. Bagus kan cikgu-cikgu ni?

Teachers are not the evil people portrayed on TV okay? Mereka hard working and resourceful. Bukan orang gila yang suka dera anak orang tanpa sebab kukuh. I am sure at least 2% of the kids yang kena dera tu deserved the punishment one way or another, sebab degey sangat tak nak dengar cakap cikgu walau dah naik longgar geraham cikgu cakap benda yang sama je tetiap hari.

Ye, mek emo bila cikgu jadi mangsa Kementerian and ibubapa. Macam jahat sangat cikgu-cikgu ni. Dengar la dulu cerita dari kedua-dua belah pihak. (Nantilah mek cerita isu ni plak.)

Anyway... kami pun main lah... tapi ada lagi satu masalah lagi. Sebahagian pemain juga main volleyball yang sedang berlangsung kat court yang mek dah tempah sebelum tu. Cemana nak main kalau berebut player? Terpaksa la mereka pergi sana, main volleyball and datang balik for netball plak. Kesian, kan?

Bukan tak cukup cikgu. Tapi ramai cikgu tak nak turut serta. So balik-balik, weols je la yang main, tahun ke tahun.

Anyway, mek punya team dapat 2nd place. Four zones je. And nanti mek kena pilih siapa nak hantar sebagai wakil bahagian ke peringkat antara bahagian, minggu depan. Tapi, netball bukan sukan pilihan PSKPP tahun ni, so weols takkan pergi sampai Kuching untuk peringkat negeri. Tahun lepas, terpilih, tapi I was not on the team. Tapi manager tetap nak suruh mek pergi. (Nanti ni pun mek akan citer kendian)

Hari ni, mek bangun lewat. Terasa la sengal-sengal kat punggung kanan and badan sebelah kanan ni. Mek jatuh kena tolak. Ganas betul mereka main. Tapak tangan pun, both were grazed... menahan badan masa jatuh kali pertama. Kali ke-dua, mek dilanggar dan lost balance, jatuh terduduk sebelah kanan. Sepanjang hari ni mek sengal je. Not too much from the "tak stretch dulu, dah main" thing. Mek jarang kena sengal-sengal cenggini kalau mek bersukan. Tapi sebab kena banting dek cikgu-cikgu comel yang BERTUKAAAAR! jadi Gorgon bila main netball. Mak terkesima lite-lite. Tapi takpe, masa tu adrenaline pumping, mek on je.

Kau ganas? Mek lagi ganas taw?

righteousness

Some people got riled up by my comment. Poor sensitive Bambi-eyed softie at heart. You cuddly wuddly you....

Really, people should open up to new ideas. Come on, caning is not the worst thing you can do for your children.

So I wrote this comment.

Anillynnette said...

Whoa... who was that lunatic who wrote such a long comment?

Hah!

Was it me? I beg your pardon, Mr Sung, for being such an eyesore on your blog comment board.

Anyways, I didn't say it is for everyone and I never said that is the kind of thing you should do on EVERY level of age. There are pros and cons of course, just as everything else in this world has its pros and cons.... But you know, I'd rather not wait till my son or daughter to start having the balls to call me B*TCH whenever I ask him or her to do simple chores just to get them involved in the care-taking of the family home for example. And I most definitely do not want to see my son zooming past the TV3's Buletin Utama camera lense like a bat out of hell on his 'kapchai', 'rempiting' his way through KL, precariously perched one-legged on the seat before I will start believing what the teachers at school say about him.

Bah, I don't have kids to brag about. But my parents had four of us, and none of us ended up like most of the kids in our neighborhood. They must have done something right.

10:30 PM

What? I did sound like a lunatic what? I so know that.

all our children

Look, I left a comment on someone's blog and it is as long as a real entry. I agree with myself totally, I just had to cut and paste it on my blog. Is this legal?

In total agreement with this blogger who wrote in response to this article.

By the way, I do believe that different kinds of kids, should be handled differently. This does not apply to everyone.

Anillynnette said...

Why do they even want to spare the rod? Have they taught in a school before? Them being the angels at school at that particular time in the country's history does not make them the experts, does it?

Did they have pirated vcd's with all kinds of violence back then? Did they have easy access to pornography? Did they have MTV, for God's sake? Did they have magazines and lingerie brochures with half naked women left lying around the house back then? Was there broadband connectivity? Augh!!!

I might be wrong, but then I think caning is still constitutes as positive reinforcement in psychology. I have forgotten what it was, but I remember in one of the classes I had at uni that says a baby who'd giggle and can't wait to grab a white fluffy bunny rabbit turns hysterical whenever he sees anything white and fluffy after a few sessions where the vision of the cuddly bunny rabbit is accompanied by a loud clanging noise made by hitting metal against metal.

My point is, what I have written up there, when translated into child bearing terms, means when we cane them we do not cane them out of hatred but out of concern; to create in them a subconscious notion in their minds that every bad deed that they do will bring with it a painful punishment. This is just a guideline for them to grow up along. Not total punishment and abandonment.

As you may have guessed, I grew up in a household where the parents were not hesitant to give me a whack on the butt or even more than that when the need arise. But I never hate my parents and I never hold a grudge on them for doing what they did to me. I deserved every swing of the cane. The pain goes away, but the thought that they did it for my own good was what had stayed with me.

Dad did the 'no tv' trick with me. He took out the fuse out of the plug. But when he had to go to work, I got the screwdrive and found another fuse and put it back in there myself. I'd take it out again when it's close to the time he returns from work. And I was just a 7 year-old girl back then! I'd steal the front door key from underneath my mom's sleeping body when it was nap time, so I can go out and play with my friends. Can you imagine what kind of devil I could have turned out today if they did not wield their rights as caring and concerned parents way back then? And I did not in any way grow up into a meek little wallflower. Looking back, I feel so sorry for my late dad. How he wanted to be gentle. But I am glad that he came to his senses and the cane came back soon after.

What turns them into monsters are adults whose authority to mould them in the first place has been taken away and the liberation that is given at too early an age by parents who didn't know better.

Believe me. It is not the caning that turns these little people into monsters. It is absent parents who are fooled by their angelic antics and teachers who can't have a say in their raring for their opinions are deemed unworthy.

Liberty in the hands of immature, irresponsible, inexperienced and unguided souls USUALLY leads to very bad consequences.

We are not Americans. We are not Swedes. We are Malaysians. All the cultures and different faiths here have different kinds of prohibitions and we have all grown up with one kind or another. Did we all grow up scared? I don't think so.

My point is, different cultures, different mentalities. Don't be too eager to emulate them when we still don't know why some normal kids still can't read by the time they reach their teens. The US is nothing but a big bully anyway. A young country with too much money and power for it's own good. Do they listen? Please someone, smack some sense into that country already!

I am not saying that EVERY young child is a devil in disguise, but really, how can any one know for sure what their children is up to once their backs are turned?

I am a teacher and a Senior Assistant in charge of Students' Affairs at my school. While I love each and every one of them (my students/clients/kids) to death, I know them. They are one thing at school, but once they are called into my office with their parents waiting in there with me, they turn into totally different human beings. They never cease to amaze me.

I may not have a PhD in Child Psychology, but please, sparing the cane is not the answer. I was a child myself once and a very mischievous one at that too, but I know that the cane works and it works best when wielded with genuine concern and love from a parent of a caregiver.

I know, I am not a parent yet, but I will be one day and I for one, will wield the cane when the situation necessitates its use. Because I do not want to be the so-called liberal-minded parent who has no clue what-so-ever about the reality of my child and the world around him, who'd storm into the principal's office, exclaiming "Aku pun tak pernah rotan anak aku, tahu tak?" and heard in reply, just under someone's breath, "Patutlah anak kau macam syaitan..."

6:09 PM

J, do you agree or disagree with me?

can they really be for real?

I read other people's blogs. Lots of them. Most of them are written by happy gay people and their friends. Whatever makes you happy.

I have gay friends. While I do not condone what they do, and sometimes, do make the mistake of slipping into preacher mode from time to time, I can see why they make such good friends and make such great company. And I do enjoy and miss my gay friends more than I miss my straight friends sometimes. But really, there is more than enough of my lurve to go around and then some.

Anyway, that is not what I wanted to write about.

I have been reading other people's blog. As I said. Married people. Friends and strangers. I love being their silent reader. Does it make me pathetic that I actually feel happy for these people? Immensely happy for them even when I don't know who they are? What is it that makes me want to feel happy for them?

Right this moment, I am rethinking of the point that I am trying to make in making this entry.

Yeah loh, I am happy because these people have met their soulmate.

I am already too cynical about men and dating. Then I got myself involved with questionable men. That just made it even worse for my already skewed view of what real men are and how they normally act in a real relationship.

Please, if you are reading this, tell me if this is true or false. Are men really capable of loving a woman with all his heart, till death do they part?

p/s : i am truly, honestly happy for these people and i truly believe that they have met their soulmates and i truly believe that they are truly committed to their spouses....

pp/s : i am very cynical kan? kesian dia kalau dia betul-betul ikhlas.

didn't really wanna

You know what? Actually, I didn't really wanna blog about what had happened at the immigration check point. But I figured some people would like to know about it, and I don't think I wanna repeat the same things many times.

There are many other better and nicer things to write about and remember in my life. I will write about it next time. But for now, I think it is bed time for me.

Esok ada pertandingan bola jaring KSK di SK Choong Hwa in town. I am the organizer. I have to wake up bright and early tomorrow morning.

Good night.

Tuhan dan Kawan

Meanwhile, rupa-rupanya C and Z sibuk gaduh dengan the stupid officer from Besut yang kecewa usahanya mengurat kawan-kawanku tak berhasil. C memang benci kalau berlaku ketidakadilan walau dalam apa jua keadaan pun. Tambah lagi kalau berlaku kepada kawan-kawan. Aku tahu dia memang mengamuk betul. Z and Mi memang terpaksa tahan-tahankan dia.

So dia sibuk mengatakan kan aku salah. Aku tak nafikan yang membunyikan hon tu agak kasar, tapi itu bukan kali pertama the booth was empty when I drove up to it. Takkan setiap kali booth tu kosong, aku kena park kereta, turun and melilau sekeliling kompleks tu mencari pegawai yang sepatutnya jaga booth tu? Dan what if I really was in a hurry? Apa maknanya buat drive-thru dengan kos berjuta-juta kalau perkhidmatannya tetap akan menyusahkan aku?

Dan, apa kejadahnya dia boleh kata "Kau ingat kau Tuhan ke" kepada aku hanya sebab aku tekan hon kereta? Logik ke?

C, Z and Mi, my new friends from heaven. I pray that their companionship will grant me the happiness and strength to face the cruel world that is today.

Kau ingat kau sorang je yang tahu menengking orang?

It all started with a single toot of my car horn. Which is a normal thing anyone would do if one would like to get some kind of attention. In my case, it was the attention of any person in charge of the drive-thru booth at the Immigration Post.

Today was a good day. I didn't go to school but instead, I went to the next middle school, attending the SMM Data Verification meeting with Cy. I managed to finish updating all the data in my school's system before exporting it on to a diskette and passing it up to the officers conducting the course.

After lunch, I thought I would have to stick around waiting for Cy to finish his part of the data entry thing in the next room. But it turns out, Cy wanted to drive all the way back to town during the Friday lunch break. I didn't know why, but he said he'd have 45 minutes to relax in the comforts of his own home before returning to the workshop. What great news. I get to go home because I am done with my part of the work. Actually, the workshop was concentrated on primary schools, not secondary schools. Secondary school report directly to the JPG. We need not join the primary schools in doing this. Now where did the mix-up in the letters happen? I came to a thing that did not include me.

Anyway, at home I just changed and thought about what am I gonna do with this house that I am getting all to myself for half an hour. Now, I can dance around in the nude. But I don't think that would be wise. I turned on the TV. Then C and Z came home and then left again to go to the bank. I made C drive my car. Why take a taxi? She can drive. She just not too confident driving manual. Then a friend called and I spent the next half and hour talking to him on the phone.

I was upstairs in my room, whne C and Z came home in a rush and screamed and yelled for me to come downstairs in a lickidy-split. All I heard was...

"Kak, come down now, and wear something sexy."

I thought to myself... What the f*ck? Wear something sexy? What's gotten into these girls? So I just came down in my homewear, as I call it.

They looked at me with eyes blinking.

"What did you guys say just now? Wear something sexy?"

"No, I said, let's all go to KFC."

"Oh...."

I turned to get back upstairs and change.

"Kak, that is NOT sexy" said C.

Hahahahaha....

Anyway, we went to KFC. Saw Henry and Kindy and some other teachers there. Yes, his name is in fact, Kindy. I know, I know. I know what it means.

Then we went washing machine shopping. We have our eyes on a 6kg capacity Panasonic. Why? S is finally moving out. We found out later from Mi that Linda is moving out. That's why she is packing up her things and told me oh-so-matter-of-factly on the way upstairs that she is moving out, into the next house. Well, it is about time. Because I do feel sorry for having to use her washing machine while we are not very fond of her. :)

Key word, 'have to'. If we don't use it, she will feel we are deserting her. If we use it we'd feel guilty. Buying a new one would be great. But then if we decide to uninstall her washing machine and install the new one earlier on, she might have to wash her laundry by hand and feel like we are really really pushing her out of the house. So, yes, we have to use it. It's sort of like catching up on the favors of years past. Or something like that.

But now we can finally get our own washing machine. And C can have her room and not be scared sleeping downstairs all alone that she has to sleep in my room every night. Problem solved.

Oh the brilliance of it all.

Then we went ti Sipitang. Picked up Mi on the way there.

And honked my car horn at the Immagration Check Point because the booth was empty.

And the dude who looked like he just had a bottle of Whisky came into the booth and I handed him the travel documents to be stamped. But he didn't stamp them. Instead, he looked at me with his blurry eyed face, that made him look drunk, and asked me,

"Nak cepat sangat ke?"

I was talking to my friends in the car, but Z made me turn to him and since I did not hear him, I asked him,

"What?"

"Nak cepat sangat ke?" he repeated himself.

I said, "Takde, awak kan tak ada dalam booth ni, memang la saya bunyikan hon."

Then he said something else. But then I was sick and tired of the antics of these stupid fucking idiots already. This is not the first time I am receiving this kind of abuse from the officers at this particular Immigration Check Point.

So all I said was,

"Saya tak ada apa- apa pun perasaan negatif kepada awak atau mana-mana pegawai imigresen di check point ni, tapi kenapa you all terus-terusan target saya dan nak bermusuhan dengan saya?"

I was nice. Gasp!

And guess what he said after that?

"Kau ingat kau Tuhan ke?"

I thought, What the fuck? What the hell does that have to do with anything in the conversation?

So I said,

"I am tired of this kind of treatment and I don't want to gaduh-gaduh dengan sesiapa, saya nak jumpa pegawai atasan awak."

What did he do? He threw the pen he was holding hard against the desk and leaned back in hi chair, and said,

"OK, jom jumpa boss saya," dengan segala keangkuhan yang he could muster at the time.

I parked my car and went with him up the stairs. The big boss was out, so he took me to another room and there was Erlina, the Immigration officer in charge of liaisons who came to our school a few months earlier, discussing the issues with staff from our school, including me.

And the buffoon said, "Ha, settlekan la dengan boss saya." Dengan suara yang macam g*mp*ng.

I knew I was being too polite for a real-live idiot to understand that my politeness is due to courtesy with a fellow government servant. I am by no means a timid and meek housewife.

So I turned to him, and in complete view of all his peers and superior, I said in my real original booming voice that everyone in the education department in my town is familiar with. All I said,

"Oh yes, I will definitely settle this matter with your boss now. What do you want? Go do your job. you're supposed to be stamping documents in the booth, remember?"

But he looked at me with his toad-like eyes and refused to budge.

"What are you waiting for? I will settle this with your boss. Pergilah, apa kau sibuk? Bye!"

I must have shocked him because he stood there being the stupid asshole that he is looking at me.

I waved at him and said... " Bye.... bye.... bye bye...." until he realized that he was so stupid for hanging around and finally left.

I talked things out with Erlina. She was understanding of the situation I was in because she was also aware what had happened in the past. I admitted that it might have been rude to honk my horn to get someone to work the booth, but at the same time, it did not give him the right to be verbally abusive to me.

So Erlina said that she would look into the matter. She even suggested that since everyone is aware that I am being targeted by some of the officers for the crimes that I have admitted of doing and apologized for and would like to move forward and away from, I could ask my friend to get out of the car to endorse our travel documents at the counter.

While that was a nice thing to say, I thought to myself, "what the fuck? it's supposed to be a drive-thru, ma'am and if they can't handle the pressures of working the counter, they should leave the job and look for a new one.

Tapi, siapa suruh kau tak sekolah rajin-rajin and become a lawyer or a doctor or an interior designer instead of being this low-class officer who works at the counter?

You can say anything you want, but I am earning, and will always earn more that you ever will be in that position you are holding in the government tier. You are so very stupid and immature. That job suits you best. Don't quit your day job. Oh..... That is your day job. You poor thing.

Then Erlina got our documents stamped and we were on our way again. I thought I saw Erlina giving the bastard a talking to in the booth as I was leaving. That was unnecessary, because I know I could have handled the situation better.

Now, do I write to Berita Harian or TV3 about this? Both?